Help!

allio4181

My Mom was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 2000 and after a long emotional + physical battle, she beat it...so we thought.
In Fall 2004 the cervical cancer appeared in her lungs, having one lung operated on then and the other lung the Spring of 2005.

She has been living in fear since 2000 and constantly looks at her life as being over.
Even though she has a lot to live for, especially a huge family that loves her to death!!!
We feel her giving up because the fear controls her everyday existence.

My problem is she has been due for a doctor's check-up for months and will not go because she is so scared that's she's sick again.
We have tried everything...being understanding...trying tough love...and now we feel like all we can do is pray for her to gain strength.

I know since I have not had cancer there is no way I can feel her pain, but I feel so hurt that she giving up.
I'm only 26 years old and not ready to lose her and me and my four sisters feel defeated.

Please help us get our strength back!!!! What is the best way for me to help my Mom?

kmygil

I'm so sorry your Mom is going through this, and I'm equally sorry for you and your family. I have often thought that it is tougher for those around the person with cancer than the person her/himself. While we are fighting cancer we are actually doing something, even if it is waiting for the nausea to disappear. We are actively fighting. Family & friends can only stand by & try to be supportive in any way possible; theirs is in many ways a passive role. Feeling helpless is very, very difficult.

That said, is there any way your Mom would consider professional counseling? It is a shame that she is not actually living while she is alive. Like Mrs. Edwards said, we are all going to die. It's just that some of us know how we are probably going to die. Meanwhile, we have to get on with the business of living. If your Mom won't get help, perhaps you and your sisters could get some counseling on how to deal with the situation without becoming depressed and overwhelmed.

Something my mother said after my father died stays with me all through my own battle with cancer. She said, "Life is for the living, and as long as you are alive, you owe it to yourself to live." Whenever I start to feel too overwhelmed I remember my mother saying this. It has gotten me through some very tough times. Also, I am on antidepressants. It may be that your mother is paralyzed by depression which is feeding her fear. Before I got some help, I had days when the fear took over and I felt that fighting any more useless. Once I got leveled out everything changed and I was ready to keep fighting.

Please try to get your Mom to a professional--it doesn't have to be a psychiatrist. Her primary care physician should be able to prescribe something that will help.

Finally, be kind to yourself, and tell your sisters to be kind to themselves. Ultimately we can only control ourselves and our reactions to situations. We can suggest and advise, but we cannot make anyone do anything.

God bless you.
Kirsten

tlva

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I am an endometrial cancer survivor, but lost my mother to lung cancer 13 years ago and know how you feel about defeat.

She was told at the outset that she had about 18 months to 5 years and she died a little less than a year later, but she had a terrible form of small cell lung cancer.

After the chemo she decided that she never wanted to go through that again and we felt she gave up out of feelings of guilt. She was a heavy smoker and she constantly apologized to us for putting us through all of it.

She was so depressed,and even though my younger sister was pregnant, it seemed like she just quit trying.

I had the opposite reaction to my diagnosis in that it really made me mad and I just knew in my heart that it would not be me. I have 21 and 17 year old daughters and no one will stop me from seeing us all grow old.

I would definitely try to get her on a heavy antidepressant even if she doesn't go for talk therapy. Maybe just feeling better emotionally will help her feel like she is in control of her destiny and that life is worth living even on the worst days.

Does she have a priest or clergy that she can talk to?

I will be praying for you...I feel your sadness. I truly believe that she loves her family, but maybe she is feeling the guilt thing like my mother did and doesn't know how to deal with it.

Good luck and God bless you all,
Tammy

Felixthecat

Endometrial Cancer Trial Drug Now Free
http://www.cancerwise.org/may_2005/display.cfm?id=1A29F5A7-F64B-4656-9FF3A93B491655CF&method=displayFull&color=green
Women with endometrial cancer will no longer have to pay for a drug being studied in a hormonal therapy clinical trial. Thanks to funding from a $10.4 million Specialized Program of Research Excellence (SPORE) grant, M. D. Anderson study investigators hope to recruit more women in a Phase II clinical trial for Mifepristone as a treatment for specific types of endometrial cancer. Before the SPORE funding became available from the National Cancer Institute, study participants had to pay $500 a month to cover the costs of the drug.The goal of the study is to determine the potential benefit of Mifepristone for recurrent or advanced endometrial cancer patients with tumors that are sensitive to estrogen (progesterone-receptor positive) or patients with low-grade endometrial stromal sarcoma (LGESS), a less common cancer that develops in the supporting connective tissue of the endometrium....(more info via link above).

Details of the Clinical Trial:
Mifepristone for Patients With Endometrial Cancer and LGESS
This study is currently recruiting participants. Verified by M.D. Anderson Cancer Center, July 2007
http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT00505739?cond="Carcinoma,+Endometrioid"&rank=3
Phase II Study of Mifepristone (RU-486) in the Treatment of PR Positive Advanced/Recurrent Endometrioid Adenocarcinoma and Low Grade Endometrial Stromal Sarcoma (LGESS)

Unknown

This comment has been removed by the Moderator