Not feeling pretty anymore

Baby13

I know that so many of us have so many more things to be concerned with myself included but yesterday I got dressed for an inteview and after I put my makeup on and stood in the mirror it occured to me that I don't feel pretty anymore, I know it's just psychological crap but it's here and I don't like it. I don't think that I have changed that much on the physically since all of this but I guess psychologically we all get the mind games going real good sometime. Just wanted to share that in case some of you are where I am right now.Keep your heads up as I will.

KathiM

It's when the spirit shines thru. You HAVE been thru a fight stronger than most people will EVER see in their lives. You have emerged a survivor. You are one of the most beautiful people on this earth...

I know there are days that I felt ugly...especially on day 3 of chemo...with a bald head...already nauseous! But this does pass...

Good for you for keeping your head up! I was never a 'looker', so for me, just smiling changes my sad face into a lovely one!

Hugs, Kathi

Skybuf

Baby13, I always thought I was pretty too, I thought my best feature was my golden long hair and long eyelashes, after chemo treatment I lost it all.....no hair, no eyelashes. I found everyone loved me anyway, just the way I was for WHO I was not how I looked. I have come to realise who my true friends are and I make the best of what God gave me. My hair is growing back and I have a 'new' style now and thanks to Silica I have strong nails and more eyelashes!
I just thank God daily that I am here to comb hair and use mascara again....your beautiful in our eyes....God bless you hon.

Baby13

KathiM said:

It's when the spirit shines thru. You HAVE been thru a fight stronger than most people will EVER see in their lives. You have emerged a survivor. You are one of the most beautiful people on this earth...

I know there are days that I felt ugly...especially on day 3 of chemo...with a bald head...already nauseous! But this does pass...

Good for you for keeping your head up! I was never a 'looker', so for me, just smiling changes my sad face into a lovely one!

Hugs, Kathi

Thanks.
But you know the funny thing is i never really looked at myself as this big looker, people often said I was pretty but I always though that I just looked average. Not real pretty but not really ugly either. My hair has been back for over a month now, and its beautiful, sometimes I look in the mirror and say Lord thank you for such beautiful hair. Don't get me wrong it was really nice before but now its gergous! My facial is growing with a vengence lol, I know that my best quality is and always will be my heart and my ability to see the beauty in everything that's not necessarily visible to the human eye, its just what I said earlier the mind games. Believe me when I say I'm not nor have I ever been this superficial cutie tuttie, it's just that suddenly yesterday it somehow mattered. Thanks for your support I'm ok, God has blessed me tremendously through all of this I have such a great respect for life and all its beauty.

Love you guys
hugs and kisses

kbc4869

Hi Baby13,

I understand where you're coming from. I finished my treatments almost three years ago and haven't felt pretty since my first chemo treatment in Oct 2003. You're right -- it's all in our heads (could be some of its hormonal depending on the treatments you're on).

Yes, it's wrong, we should be happy that we're alive, we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves, etc., etc. , but here we still are talking about it. No words of advice for you, since I haven't gotten over this hangup myself, but it may make you feel better to know that others feel the way that you do. I sure hope we get it back. I think there's a good chance we will if we continue to work on being positive, loving who we are and who we've become after this craziness. I know I'm not the same person I was in Sept 2003. I do miss feeling "pretty on the outside" though!

Take good care,
Kim

Fran1947

I hear you! When I was in chemo, I came across a book called, Art-Rage-Us. It was poems, and art about the tremendous emotional toll breast cancer takes, particularly when a mastectomy is required. I am not good at emotions, and this book helped me understand a little better.

Hang in there!
Fran

Susan956

Hey Baby...

It will get better... I know as I was finishing treatment I felt like I was a 100 years old and it was hard to smile... but hey it gets so much better... I am now out of treatment for over a year... and I feel comfortable with my body again... and I have my normal energy and spirit back... for example in a few minutes I am going to the lake to play for a few hours and then tonight we are going out to a dance... So hang in there and your life will get back on track. It just takes time..

Take Care.. God Bless....

Susan

cabbott

I didn't have chemo, but even "just" a mastectomy changes your body image. I didn't care all that much then or now, but when it's swimsuit season and a shapely 16 year old dances by, I am reminded of how I've aged. But that passes when I go over what my goals are and what is important to me. Don't forget spoiling yourself with something that does make you feel pretty: a massage, new makeup, a new outfit, whatever. Sixteen isn't the only age that is beautiful. Good wine and women get better with age and I'm old enough now to understand that (recently 50!!!).

Unknown

Hi Baby13.
I had lost both breasts by the time I was 40 and had no recon. Now I will be 59 in June.
What I wanted to mention is that your idea of what is 'pretty' and what isn't will change over time.
I don't mean to suggest that you will ever completely get to the point of discounting the physical appearance all together, but with time you will come to realize that the outward signs of beauty are in things like the entire countenance rather than the color of the eyes or shape of the nose, etc. And the carriage of the body is more important than the shape or size. I have observed 'super-sized' women (like myself) who moved with such grace and confidence that it made me think, "Hey, I could do that!" It takes a little practice, but you'll get the hang of it.
God bless.

msphil

This feeling is pretty normal, I too felt this way for a long time but what changed it for me is when my Fiancee at the time got down on his knees and ask me to marry him, on my chemo day when i was sick and bald and to me down right ugly,but the LORD sent me my knight in shining armor to make me feel PRETTY so take it from ME U are pretty cause U are a survivor, surviving what we all did makes US ALL PRETTY. God Bless.