Lung Cancer

LauraHu

My mother died 1 wk ago today. After she died an autopsy was done and a large tumor was found in her lung. She was never diagnosed with lung cancer, but for about the past yr she had lost weight, complained of fatigue, and pain in her back. I keep wondering how much pain she had been in and how did she ever handle it. If someone who has a family member who has lung cancer now, or had a family member who died from it, could tell me something I would appreciate it.

Plymouthean

Hi. I am sorry to hear of your mother's passing. I am a five + year survivor of lung cancer. I was initially diagnosed as inoperable and incurable, but I was in no pain, and, except for sporadic episodes of shortness of breath, I was symptomless. Every case is different, and I think that there is no way that you can know what your mother went through, based on the experiences of others.
Again, - my opinion, - but I think that you are torturing yourself, wondering about what your mother dealt with while she was ill. That is pointless. Focus, rather, on all the years that she lived, and on the wonderful memories of those years. I'm sure that she would want you to carry on, while keeping her in your memory, and remembering all the good times. At the risk of sounding cold, I would tell you that it is best to grieve, and move on with your life, while cherishing the memories of your wonderful mother. My prayers and best wishes to you.

kaitek

Hi LauraHu,

My mother has been diagnosed with stage 4 NSCLC with metastasis to lymph nodes, lung linings and pelvis (with primary tumor in right lobe). If she hadn't shortness of breath due to the compressing fluids in her lungs, I would imagine my mother, too, would have been stoic and tolerated any symptoms without complaint or thinking she needed to see the doctor. That Asian stoicism is ingrained in our culture, but when one gets older, one has to listen to one's body.

I do echo Plymouthean's advice you can't beat yourself over the wouldas, couldas, shouldas. It's futile.

If you would like to talk further, you are welcome to private message me via the envelope icon below my message.

My condolences and deep sympathies to you.

LauraHu

Plymouthean said:

Hi. I am sorry to hear of your mother's passing. I am a five + year survivor of lung cancer. I was initially diagnosed as inoperable and incurable, but I was in no pain, and, except for sporadic episodes of shortness of breath, I was symptomless. Every case is different, and I think that there is no way that you can know what your mother went through, based on the experiences of others.
Again, - my opinion, - but I think that you are torturing yourself, wondering about what your mother dealt with while she was ill. That is pointless. Focus, rather, on all the years that she lived, and on the wonderful memories of those years. I'm sure that she would want you to carry on, while keeping her in your memory, and remembering all the good times. At the risk of sounding cold, I would tell you that it is best to grieve, and move on with your life, while cherishing the memories of your wonderful mother. My prayers and best wishes to you.

Thanks for the condolences. I think it is getting easier. She made her choice. I just hope my father will be able to understand that one day. He keeps saying that she should have wanted treatment to be with him. I told him that is not what she wanted and it was her decision.