Question

Kathy1108

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2003 and now it came back as of 2006. My parent's never told any of my family except my immediate family, my Brother and my Niece. Now I just found out that my cousin has breast cancer in both of her breast. My parent's don't want me to call her because they don't want to talk about it with my Aunts and Uncles. I want to call her and the lend my support to her but I don't want my parent's to be mad at me. I know that sounds silly, (I am 46 years old) but I afraid if I do call her, my parent might not talk to me. My mother said that she was sorry that she told me. I don't discuss anything to do with my breast cancer with my parents. They can not handle it. I am so upset about this that I am crying about it. What should I do?
Kathy

Unknown

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KathiM

unknown said:

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Kathy,
I agree with babs....you might call your cousin and just first ask about her....then, if it seems she needs more support, share your experience...but say that no one in the family knows, and to keep peace, please don't share....

OR....explain to your parents that it is a VERY SCARY thing to try to battle cancer alone. More people with positive outcomes means a better chance of survival for her. Remind them of how scary it was for them when YOU were going thru it...tell them you love them, and don't want to lose them, but part of YOUR healing is to help others with their journey thru cancer.....

Hugs, Kathi

LesleyH

Kathy,

I am going to agree with the others here. I think your parents are being very selfish and self-centered. They are not considering your feelings at all. You need to do what is best for you.

Hugs.

Lesley

wimpy

Wow, I can appreciate your dilemma. If I was you I would definitely want to help your cousin as well. I think that as cancer survivors we need to support others as we were supported when we were first diagnosed. Unfortunately none of us really knows your parents. I don't know why they are taking the stand they are taking but they are, and you need to ask yourself where you stand and how strong you are in the face of their convictions. You know them better than the rest of us. What are they likely to do if you go against their wishes and it gets back to them? Are you ready to deal with the consequences, if that happens? Let us know how it turns out.

Wimpy

Future

Kathy,

You need to do what you believe, in your heart, is the right thing to do. We are taught to love and honor our parents but again do what you think is right. I am grateful to all those folks who shared with me when I was first diagnosed, it reduced my fear and loneliness. Follow your heart.

Skybuf

Kathy, go with your heart, if you feel you can help your cousin, call her. Your parents won't 'dis-own you' or anything, let them know you need the support and so does she. Cancer isn't a dirty word! It's a life changing one....one we can overcome....with help from others. Your cousin will probably thank you and you will do her good. God bless you and her.

Unknown

are they ashamed that you have cancer?you should be there for your cousin if you feel the need,My friends helped me so much ,no one wants to be alone with an illness,your parents need to understand cancer better and all of you should be more open about it I just know reaching out and helping cope is the greatest thing as the road through all this is ruff and I think your cousin would love you to be there and maybe your parents will see how you help each other and realize they were wrong.prayers for you,ok,Brenda P.S. If your parents get upset and don't talk,you are 46,be strong .God will love that you reached out,but I think he might be a little mad at your parents.I don't think they are dealing with it, some people can't so just tell them that talking with your cousin helps you to get through this.

Kathy1108

I want to thank everybody for their encouraging words. My husband called my parent's to let them know that I was crying and that I feel that they are ashamed of me. My parent's did call me back and said that they weren't ashamed of me. They called my Aunt and told me that she was waiting for my phone call. My Aunt apologized over and over that if she would have known what happened to me that she would have called me. I told her that my parent's can not handle this and that was why they never told anyone. My Aunt thanked me for telling her all that I went and are still going through.I told my Aunt that she can call me anytime and I would gladly help her and my cousin as much as I can. My Aunt called me on this past Tuesday night telling me that she can not tell her daughter about me yet. My cousin just found out that her friends Mother was found dead in her house of a heart attack. So, right now my cousin is going through a lot and if she hears anymore bad news my Aunt is afraid that my cousin would lose it. I told my Aunt that I totally understand and that if/or when my cousin is ready to talk I will be here for her. I told my Aunt to keep me informed about my cousin.

Kathy