Need more chemo-Need more well wishes!

nicol06810

Hi ladies...I haven't written in a while but I have read most of what has been posted in the past. I am that quiet type that reads but most often does not write. Well, I am writing today because I am in great need of some moral support.. Quick update on my situation...Stage IIIC OVAC diagnosed after surgery in 8/05. Started Carboplatin & Taxotere in Oct 2005. After 6 treatments my CA125 was down to 7.9...Five months later my numbers were going back up...After getting 2 different doctors opinions on what to do next, I started on Topetecan in June 2006...Had that 3 weeks straight with one week off...After the 2nd week of the 4th cycle my CA125 went up again...Had another CAT scan...the scan showed significant growth in my left quadrant along with some lymph nodes that were enlarged....My oncologist decided to have me try doxil...My numbers went down right away on the doxil but after 5 treatments they started to go back up again... I am now at 48....Just had a CAT scan yesterday and will meet with my doc on Friday to discuss what to do nect...I am getting really tired of this physically and mentally....Since 8/05 I have only had about 5 months of no chemo...I was hoping for a longer remission this time!...I am thinking about talking to my doc about doing a "second-look" surgery because I feel that if there is something still there then go in and get it out!...Well, I guess I have written enough!...I just needed to vent a little...sometimes I feel better when I let it all out!....Hard to get much support here at home...Husband is in denial, don't want to worry the kids, and no other family around to get that emotional support needed except by phone and that isn't the same as an actual hug!!...I think I will start writing more often because you ladies all seem to be there with much needed support for each other and I am beginning to realize that I need that kind of support more than I thought I did!...Thanks for listening...And feel free to add my name to your prayer list as I have been doing for all of you...Thanks! (((HUGS)))...VICKI

jamilou

Vicki
I am so sorry that things are so tough for you right now. Sometimes it does a person good to have a pity party and vent. Better to get it out then to keep it all inside. Do you have a support group in your area that you can join? I have been on both sides of this disease. I have been the daughter that didn't know what to say to her mother when she was battling cancer, and I have been the one battling the disease and my family not quite sure what to say to me. Only those that have been there can truly understand your feelings. If you can't find a group you may want to try to connect with some of the ladies on this board by email or in one of the chat rooms. There are so many people here that can help as you well know! Good luck with the decisions and I will pray that everything goes well when you see your doctor!
Lots of HUGS
Jami

floridajo

Nicole,
My heart is so sad for you..this disease just sucks!!! I can understand why you would want a sls..I think that is a great question to ask your Dr.'s. Maybe having it removed would be helpful. I had a sls as well and they tool 15 biopsies, some were enlarged lymph nodes that all proved to be positive for Ovca cell as well as my cytology washining. I went on 6 Doxil tx and then had a 13 month remission. I 'm currently on Gemzar for 2 recurrence. I found this site just recently, and before I found this site I was reading and writing on the John Hopkins OVCA board. it has helped me sooo much, no one understands as well as we can. Please don't be such a stranger..all of us will be with you in spirit, holding your hand..and lifting you up in prayer!!! Love and (((hugz)))...Joanne

mopar

Vicki:
So sorry to hear you have to deal with this for so long, especially with no support. I agree with Jami and Joanne - try to find a support group, or rely on this forum and chat room as much as you can. I understand your husband's denial - facing this disease can be difficult. But unfortunately you can't act like it's not there. I find that facing it is easier than pretending it doesn't exist. I and COMPLETELY understand trying to shield your children. How old are they? My first occurance my daughters were 12, 14 and 19. As always, I refused to convey any weakness to them and told them I would fight this with everything I had. I had a recurrance in 2006, and my youngest said, 'Mom, you did it before you can do it again!' Out of the mouths of babes! Nonetheless, if I didn't feel good on any given day I wasn't afraid to say it. If I couldn't do something with them, as disappointed as I was, I had to be honest and say, 'Mom's just not feeling up to it'. Thank God my husband and children have been so supportive and understanding. My faith also has been the cornerstone of this whole journey. Otherwise, I don't think I could have dealt with it as well.

The second time (as the first) I had no symptoms. Nothing even showed up on CT scans. The second time the only thing that clued us was the consistent rise of my CA125. That's when the doctor did a 'sls'. I'm glad he did. So, I would agree with you that it would probably be a very important thing to do.

My thoughts and prayers AND HUGS go out to you. Please keep in touch and let us know who things are going. I know you are weary and tired, but try to take some time to read all the many inspiring stories on this website, especially since you enjoy reading.

Prayers, love and hugs. . .
Monika

Stapleton

I, too, usually read here but don't write. But, your desire for a second look has really touched me. I was diagnosed IIIC after surgery in 10/02. The debulking went fine, followed carbo and taxol. When the marker reached 57, I switched from my previous gynecological surgeon to a gynecological oncological surgeon, and convinced him to do a second debulking. He took out everything that wasn't nailed down, and a lot of what was nailed down, too. More chemo. I think chemo is OK but only following a really successful debulking, no matter how many it takes. I know what you're going through right now, and my prayers are with you. Remember, though, that you're in charge of your care, and the docs are just along for the ride. Listen, learn, and make your own decisions. You want a second debulking? Say so. Keep your chin up. I've had three major surgeries since the first, and I'm still kickin it

shortstuff

I guess I read more than write also but I can surely relate to how you are feeling. I've been dealing with it since 2001 and it gets really old. When I think back to my 4 reoccurences it just doesn't seem like it's been that long but it's been 6 years and one of these times the chemo drug is going to kick the cancer's butt right out of here. I will be praying for you along with all the other great women on this site. Please try to keep a positive attitude. I know how hard it is but try to look ahead to brighter days. They will be there. Take care and God Bless.

BonnieR

Vicki, everyone seems to have said it all. So I'll just say I am one more person praying for you. I am now on my 7th chemo and soon to be 8th I am sure. God does give us each miracles in our lifes. Prayers N Hugs Bonnie

Keelie

Hi Vicki, Boy, my heart goes out to you also! I've been dealing with this horrific disease since June 2004.....also Stage 111C. I finished chemo in Sept. 2006 for a recurrence, and things are looking like a possible 2nd recurrence! My number went up to 33 last month. Anyway, I think we all understand your frustration because almost all of us have been through it too. Please keep us posted as to how things are going, and what you decide to do. We all do truly care. With love and prayers, MichaelaMarie

JaneN

I am so sorry to read about what is happening to you. I had surgery to remove my cancer in May of 2005. Thanksfully it has not come back but I am scared that it will. I will pray for you. I hope it will all turn out ok.

JanQ

Vicki, I am so sorry to hear your news. I agree it is so hard to just keep on keeping on with this disease sometimes. My doctor has given me a break to let my body build up, bone marrow ect. its been since Dec. 27. I feel good right, we are all enjoying this time off(family). I go back to the doctor tomorrow and he will let me know if I can continue. My count dropped 20 points last month, I am at 41.3 now. The problem with taking a break is I really don't want to start again right now even if my doctor wants me to. So I guess its a catch 22. I have a 15 year old son and a 20 year old daughter, I hate they have to go on this roller coaster ride, I like you, try to keep as normal as possible, thats why this break is so nice, I love feeling normal.How old are your children? If and when I have to start again I will be doing the doxil. How are you doing on that? Well I look to forward to hearing what the doctor says. Well I've gone on enough. I pray God gives you peace and healing, he is a God of miracles. Hugs, Jan

paula2

My heart goes out to you. Please know that you are not alone. You can email any of us for further conversation. Where there is life, there is hope. You are in my prayers.