facing surgery/ telling Mom

Tasia1st

I am 52 and I was diagnosed on 1/16/07 with invasive breast cancer, I will have a lumpectomy on the 26th, is there something I can do between now and then to make the surgery easier or build up my strength? How will I feel afterwards?



Also I have not told my Mom yet. She is in remission from non-Hodgkin's lymphoma; a good friend of hers is in the last stages of extensive cancer; an aunt of mine is in the hospital now with advanced leukemia; I lost my Dad to lung cancer. Mom is depressed and very venerable. So how, or should I tell her about mine??????

LesleyH

I'm so sorry. This is awful. Can you keep it from your mom? I think this should be about you. If it is easier for you to tell her, then do it. You deserve all the support you can get.

As for doing things. Studies showed that those that consumed ground flax before surgery managed to shrink the tumor. I found walking helpful. It helped relieve the stress.

Hugs.

Lesley

Susan956

Hello and Welcome to our group... Sorry that you had to join us... but you will find us a pretty good crew. The lumpectomy should be pretty easy on you. I am an office worker and I missed less than a week of work with the Lumpectomy. It really surprised me that there was a very low pain level with the surgery. The worst part for me was the way I felt from the sleeping meds that they used to put me under for the surgery. I stayed in the hospital 1 night and basically less than 24 hours later I felt pretty good.

As for telling your Mom... My guess is that you need to tell her..... BUT, Breast Cancer is not what it used to be.... Basically the treatment methods have improved so much over the last few years that the success rate is wonderful. So while you will probably never feel like you do today... You will get your life back. My Onc convinced me that I needed to look at my treatment for BC as a period in my life where I would have to slow down to get ready for the second half of my healthy life. (P.S. I was 49 when I was diagnosed.) Had to do lumpectomy, chemo, & radiation. It has now been 1 1/2 years since I was diagnosed and I am back to living my healthy life. So when you tell your Mom try to reassure her that you will beat this rap. I had to tell my parents and my Son... and as it turned out while they worried... I tried to get them educated with the statistics and then they watched me start down the trip and they decided that I was going to make it and they calmed down and became a great support group.

As to what to do prior to the lumpectomy... For me I cleaned my house... I couldn't sit still because when I did I worried.... So I did my Spring Cleaning.... I got those things out of the way and made it easier for me when I did have to do Chemo and had very little energy. So think about the little nagging things that are out there that will bother you if they don't get done in the next few months... and knock them out while you have lots of nervous energy.

If I can help more let me know.

Take care... God Bless....

Susan

KathiM

I was 50 when I was diagnosed. I took real good care of myself before the surgery, and then asked the surgeon how I could return my arm/shoulder to normal as soon as possible. He gave me exercises, including 'walking' your fingers up a wall. This is for post-surgery. A year later, I have nothing more than a sore shoulder occasionally when I stretch too much. I think this was more from the radiation than anything.

I agree with others, breast cancer is not as devistating as it used to be. But, mom will figure it out when you have chemo, and lose your hair. AND, if they remove lymph nodes during surgery, you WILL have drains to 'hide' if you don't tell her.
That said, does mom see a therapist for her depression? If so, call him/her and ask if you should tell her or not. This person would know better. I know we did NOT tell my daughter about her dad's death...

Hugs, Kathi

Tasia1st

LesleyH said:

I'm so sorry. This is awful. Can you keep it from your mom? I think this should be about you. If it is easier for you to tell her, then do it. You deserve all the support you can get.

As for doing things. Studies showed that those that consumed ground flax before surgery managed to shrink the tumor. I found walking helpful. It helped relieve the stress.

Hugs.

Lesley

Lesley,
Thanks for your reply.
No I can't keep it from Mom. I told my brother last night and asked his help in supporting Mom. I think that will help. I plan on telling her on Sunday. I have an appointment with the surgeon on Tuesday and thought it might make her feel better to go with me and hear things directly from him. I hope so.
I will see if I can find the ground flax, and the walking would also be a good idea. That is the kind of information I was asking for.
Take care!
TJ

Tasia1st

Susan956 said:

Hello and Welcome to our group... Sorry that you had to join us... but you will find us a pretty good crew. The lumpectomy should be pretty easy on you. I am an office worker and I missed less than a week of work with the Lumpectomy. It really surprised me that there was a very low pain level with the surgery. The worst part for me was the way I felt from the sleeping meds that they used to put me under for the surgery. I stayed in the hospital 1 night and basically less than 24 hours later I felt pretty good.

As for telling your Mom... My guess is that you need to tell her..... BUT, Breast Cancer is not what it used to be.... Basically the treatment methods have improved so much over the last few years that the success rate is wonderful. So while you will probably never feel like you do today... You will get your life back. My Onc convinced me that I needed to look at my treatment for BC as a period in my life where I would have to slow down to get ready for the second half of my healthy life. (P.S. I was 49 when I was diagnosed.) Had to do lumpectomy, chemo, & radiation. It has now been 1 1/2 years since I was diagnosed and I am back to living my healthy life. So when you tell your Mom try to reassure her that you will beat this rap. I had to tell my parents and my Son... and as it turned out while they worried... I tried to get them educated with the statistics and then they watched me start down the trip and they decided that I was going to make it and they calmed down and became a great support group.

As to what to do prior to the lumpectomy... For me I cleaned my house... I couldn't sit still because when I did I worried.... So I did my Spring Cleaning.... I got those things out of the way and made it easier for me when I did have to do Chemo and had very little energy. So think about the little nagging things that are out there that will bother you if they don't get done in the next few months... and knock them out while you have lots of nervous energy.

If I can help more let me know.

Take care... God Bless....

Susan

Susan,
Thanks for replying. This is my first attempt at a message board. I am not sure I am doing it correctly, but hearing from others who have been there will be a big help.

As for the surgery, they are telling me that I may go home the same day and that I should be able to go back to work after one day, sounds too optimistic to me.

Thanks for letting me know your pain was not bad. I needed an honest answer from someone who had been there.

Yes, I will have to tell Mom. I plan to on Sunday. I am really dreading it as I know how much pain it will cause her, but she would never understand if she found out I hadn't told her.

I have told my 2 sons, my husband, my brother and a few friends, they are all supportive and caring. That will go a long ways in helping me beat this, but I will still need my Mom.

I like the way your Onc told you to look at it. I will try to do the same.

Have you had long term affects?

I to will be doing house cleaning as I suspect I will be having more company than I am used to and I gotta keep the dust bunnies and "cobs" from frightening them away. : )

Share a smile!
TJ

Tasia1st

KathiM said:

I was 50 when I was diagnosed. I took real good care of myself before the surgery, and then asked the surgeon how I could return my arm/shoulder to normal as soon as possible. He gave me exercises, including 'walking' your fingers up a wall. This is for post-surgery. A year later, I have nothing more than a sore shoulder occasionally when I stretch too much. I think this was more from the radiation than anything.

I agree with others, breast cancer is not as devistating as it used to be. But, mom will figure it out when you have chemo, and lose your hair. AND, if they remove lymph nodes during surgery, you WILL have drains to 'hide' if you don't tell her.
That said, does mom see a therapist for her depression? If so, call him/her and ask if you should tell her or not. This person would know better. I know we did NOT tell my daughter about her dad's death...

Hugs, Kathi

Kathi,
Thanks for replying to me. I need all the support I can get. It is kind of nice to have an unknown "family" to talk to.

I will add post-surgery exercises to my list of things to ask the doctor about. Thank heavens the surgeon my obg sent me to engourages me to ask questions and listens well.

As for Mom, I would give anything not to have to tell her and add to her burdens, but I see her at least once a week, we talk on the phone almost daily, and I am going to need her help. I was there when she fought her battle, I know she will want to help me with mine. It will just be hard for me to let her, knowing how much she is already bearing.

And no she is not doing anything about her depression, despite my encouragement to at least she her primary dr.

We have been through a lot together, so together we will get thought this also

My husband it taking it hard, and keeps asking me if everything is going to be all right. I told him that we may have a bumpy road but it will be all right in the end. So this is just a side trip down a long unpaved road, where I will see scenery that is new to me.

Seven years ago this month I almost lost my younger son at age 19, his appendix ruptured and he spent 3 weeks in intensive care, and many months more recovering. When he was in so much pain that he looked up at me and asked if he was going to die, I realized that was the most difficult moment of my life. I took a deep breath, allowed God to guide me and told him "you may have to go through a lot, but you will be all right" and I knew he would be. After surviving that I can survive anything.

I will be OK. I hope the same for all of you.

Take care,
TJ

Susan956

Tasia1st said:

Susan,
Thanks for replying. This is my first attempt at a message board. I am not sure I am doing it correctly, but hearing from others who have been there will be a big help.

As for the surgery, they are telling me that I may go home the same day and that I should be able to go back to work after one day, sounds too optimistic to me.

Thanks for letting me know your pain was not bad. I needed an honest answer from someone who had been there.

Yes, I will have to tell Mom. I plan to on Sunday. I am really dreading it as I know how much pain it will cause her, but she would never understand if she found out I hadn't told her.

I have told my 2 sons, my husband, my brother and a few friends, they are all supportive and caring. That will go a long ways in helping me beat this, but I will still need my Mom.

I like the way your Onc told you to look at it. I will try to do the same.

Have you had long term affects?

I to will be doing house cleaning as I suspect I will be having more company than I am used to and I gotta keep the dust bunnies and "cobs" from frightening them away. : )

Share a smile!
TJ

Hi TJ,

I have not had many long term effects. In general, I have my energy and my life back. But ....

I still have tingling in my feet (it comes from one of the Chemo drugs that they used - taxol) but it is not as bad a say when you foot falls asleep.

I use a sleeping pill each night - Can't sleep without it since Arimidex (a pill I will take for 5 years) keeps me a little wired.. Not noticeable in the daytime and with the mild sleeping pill I sleep at night. - So very manageable.

And my shoulder on the surgery side is still a little stiff (comes from the surgery and then the radiation).. but again very manageable.

But I would also add a good side effect... Understanding that "We shouldn't sweat the small stuff... and most things are the small stuff" So I would say a really good side effect is getting a better perspective on life.

Take Care...God Bless...

Susan

OregonSeaStar

Hi TJ,
I really can't speak regarding your lumpectomy as I had a mastectomy and am now facing having to have another one.

However, I would like to add my 2 cents regarding telling your mother. I'm really glad you've decided to do it. Regardless of the sad fact that several others close to her are suffering, she's still your mom and she would want to know what you are facing, what you will be going through, and how she can help. Taking her with you to your surgeon appointment is a great idea. Give her small tasks to do so that she feels she's helping - perhaps she can provide you and your husband with an easy meal or dessert once a week or maybe she can do some of your research on the web regarding cancer facts or maybe she can just come and sit with you when you are feeling down. Giving her something to do will help her feel useful and take a little pressure and anxiety off your shoulders.

This is really something I know about. My daughter had ovarian cancer. Even though my life at the time was very full, I would have been even more devastated if she hadn't told me, if I couldn't be with her every step of the way. It's a 'mother-thing' (as I'm sure you know because of what you went through with your son's illness); don't deny her!

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
-shelley