The Holidays

DIVA

Hey everyone. Yet again its been awhile for me posting here. Been really busy. Unfortunatly it has not been because of the holidays. Im kind of the scroog right now. I have had way to much going on. over the past few months I have had 5 people in my life pass away. 2 because of cancer. Seems like a lot is piling up on me. I got passed up for a promotion at work. They gave it to someone they per company guidlines should not of even been able to apply. She has not been there even close to a year. and she has no prior experience in the industry or supervising employees. and my sister is having surgery on wed. to remove her gul bladder. My family has been on my back with the holidays and all. I mean I am all decorated and everything butwell its the usual family stuff. I am a 3 year 6 month survivor. I had nerve damage in my left leg due to a hospital mistake so it took me 2 years to work at getting my foot back to an almost 100% working order. its about 95-98% on a bad day. I am finally not as clumsy as I used to be though I know I need to work on my balance more. I was told I would only have 85% use of my foot but I laughed at the docotors for that. When doctors see my medical history they know odds mean I will prove the odds wrong. But at this point my life is somewhat more together. but my family is on my back again the whole- you need to work out and join a gym. Over the years since I couldnt really do full work outs for 2 years I gained the 30 pounds I lost before going into the hospital plus the akward 30 I lost in the 20 days I was in the hospital back plus now about 25 so I am about 80 lbs over weight. but I know I still look great. Seems they always get on my back this time of year. Then they do the corny "Im glad we are all healthy and here" and look at me and do the whole we almost lost you stuff. My doctors remind me I am still here because of me. I fought to be here. I am just sick of the corny stuff. I try to talk to my family about what this all was for me. What the cancer was all for me but they still over 3 years later wont talk about it. "its to hard they say" If its to hard then why can I talk about it I mean It was my life I almost lost?I just am sick of the corny sentimental stuff because so that they can avoid actually talking about it. I used to love the holidays just this year something doesnt seem right. I dont know if its the recent events in my life or what it could be.

I havent been in the chat recently because It doesnt seem right for me. I try to talk in there but no one wants to hear or give advice for anything i have to say. I hope everyone has a great holiday season.

Kristin

lfondots63

Hi Kristin,

I've seen you in the chat the rare times I have been on. I'm sorry that you have had such a rough time the last couple of months. I want to say Kudos on the survivorship! I think it is just very hard for others to realize we are still battling in our own way having cancer even though they see us as "cured". I know that I don't talk that much any more about the cancer unless asked. I don't want to upset anyone. I hope your holidays get a little better. Maybe tell your family that you are working on the things they bug you about and you would rather not ruin the holidays talking about it? You figure they are just thinking about you. I just realized that I gained 15 lbs back out of the 30 I had lost. I'm going to start exercising more (within reason) and I just started back on my pre-chemo diet. Here is to fighting something other then cancer. LOL.

Lisa F

tennislover

Hi There! I am sorry that you are having a hard time. I think that some of the most frustrating situations that i have had to deal with has been with the way other people relate to my having cancer. They dont realize that sometimes we need to talk about the "what ifs". I know that I needed people to talk about the fact that i could die before I started fighting for my life. What we have gone through, fighting for every day that we have changes who we are to the bone and it will always be a HUGE part of our lives forever. I know that although I am in remission, cancer is part of who I am now and who I will be forever. I wish that i could say that i could go a day or even an hour without thinking about it but I do. Friends and family dont like to accept the reality of what we have gone through because it makes them look at their own mortality and no one wants to do that. I hope that you come back and post more here, I am always looking here and I am always here to chat. Bad, good, whatever!

Heather

dixiegirl

Kristen, I too have problems and issues with people and the way they react to my cancer. The holidays are very rough on me (lost my mom to cancer on 12/18th) and I still have issues with this time of year. I applaud your 3.50 years and hope to get there with you some day. Take care, you are in my thoughts.
Beth

DIVA

Thanks for responding. The holidays are starting to wind down now. Just got new years left. It was crazy as usual. I have a large family - my mom is 100% italian so it was a lot of running around and the same stuff as usual with added annoyances from some family memebers. My younger sister got engaged. I am single. I was happy for my sister but I started cracking up when my family was saying to me "you will be next you will meet MR right he is out there dont loose hope" I hadnt realized I should be concerned I told them. I am not concerned so I didnt get why they told me that. I thought it was pretty funny since I have been single since before I was diagnosed and have been dating but wont settle for someone I dont belong with. Cancer did come up over the holidays. My god mother had recently passed from BC and well my Aunt had BC so some things did get discussed because I forced it so that helped. Well hope all is well. Thanks again.


Kristin