Canadian Giggles

JADot

Hi Guys:

I am pulling out all the stops this week!

As you know, the semicolon palooza 4 is taking place this weekend in the beautiful Halifax. To mark this wonderful occasion, I am offering a special edition of the Friday Giggles - the Canadian Giggles.

So, empty your bladder and prepare to laugh until it hurts

Cheers, eh!

Ying

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Canada
Here's how Canada got its name: When J. MacDonald and Friends were trying to figure out the name of this great place, someone had a great idea. Let's stick all the letters into a hat and draw 3 of them - That will be the new name of this place.. So they did so.. 1st letter is pulled and the guy shouts - "C" eh!? 2nd letter is pulled and the guy shouts - "N" eh!? 3rd letter is pulled and the guy shouts - "D" eh!?

Polite
Q: What does a Canadian say when you step on his foot?
A:"Sorry"

Beer
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?"
"I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.
"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."

Lightbulb
Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Canadians don't change light bulbs, we accept them as they are.

You know you're from Canada when ...
1. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
3. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
4. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
5. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
6. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
7. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
8. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
9. You find -40c a little chilly.
10. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
11. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels.
12. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
13. You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada".

Slap in the Face
In a train car there were a Canadian, an American, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, the American had a big red slap mark on his cheek.
1. The blonde thought - "That American son of a **** wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face"
2. The fat lady thought - "This dirty old American laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him".
3. The American thought - "That **** Canadian put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me".
4. The Canadian thought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid American again".

Balance
On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said:
"Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it
will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall
have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and
eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass
and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs
over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life,
and rivers stocked with salmon."

God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so
as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these
inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the
most friendly people on the earth."

"But Lord," asked Gabriel "don't you think you are
being too generous to these Canadians?"

"Not really," replied God "just wait and see the
neighbors I am going to give them."