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Help: No Sex for this Sexy Survivor

CelticKate
CelticKate CSN Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Six weeks ago finished 4th reconstructive surgery (three years and 4 surgeries). Hair is back and very grateful. Can't seem to find a way back to sex life with wonderful husband. Products are limited because I had a DVT/PE after first surgery. Husband doesn't want to talk about it and claims no interest. Found porno in his dvd player. Was I expecting too much for him to welcome me back and make me feel comfortable? Have any of you found a way to resume intimacy with your partner? Should we go to a sex therapist? A sex therapy weekend? Any suggestions?
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Comments

  • KathiM
    KathiM CSN Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #2
    Sadly, I am facing somewhat of the same thing. I also have a complication...total hysterectomy with my bowel resection. Now it's rather painful inside.
    I have found pictures also. I used to feel threatened, but now just realize it's important to him, and am a little sad.
    We are going to couples counselling for the whole "What do I do now that I'm cancer free?" stuff. There is a head trip along with the body treatment with this stuff. MAN! do I HATE the beast!!!!
    Hugs, Kathi
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  • Future
    Future CSN Member Posts: 133 Member
    #3
    I am also open to suggestions. Intercourse is painful for me even with Replens and Astroglide and I am blessed to have the husband I have. He doesn't "demand" anything but I too feel bad, I just don't have a sex drive and have to make a conscious effort to think "how long has it been" and find other ways to be intimate.
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  • 24242
    24242 CSN Member Posts: 1,398 *
    #4
    I find this interesting because dealing with the same all these years later. Don't want to go to therapy mostly but things have changed and sometimes it is fear based. They don't want to hurt us and don't want to add to problems maybe it is this more than anything. Just a thought.
    Tara
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  • shmurciakova
    shmurciakova CSN Member Posts: 906 Member
    #5
    Aww,
    I am sorry you are going through this. I am glad you brought it up though because no one on the colon cancer board has, to my knowledge, at least recently. I am a 36 year old cancer survivior and have experienced the same thing. My husband will not admit that he is not interested, but he never initiates anything anymore. I always have to be the one. I don't know why, maybe it was because he was afraid of losing me, so he pulled away. However, it has been 2 years now since I last had surgery and I have needs damnit! The only thing I have found that works is to make a date with him. Like this Saturday we are going to do it and I keep telling him that, and then we do! I found that even though I would like to do it more often, when we do, it is very nice.
    On that note, I don't think a sex therapist would hurt either,
    Good luck to you,
    Susan
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  • mssue
    mssue CSN Member Posts: 242
    #6
    Hi,
    I think this happens to most all of us.It has been a little over 3 yrs since my surgery and I still don't really have the drive.But I am very consious(sp) of this.I am going back to the basics,you know holding hands,longer embraces,intimate kisses and like Susan said making dates.Sex still doesn't happen as often as I think we would both like, but I really enjoy (and I think he does too) all of the intimate moments,they are filled with love.
    I can only say what I have been doing but I hope that You find a way to enjoy each other again,as difficult as it can be, it is totally worth it.
    Get sexy and have fun
    (hugs)
    Sue
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