Getting over the anger

kbc4869

Hi, I have not posted in a very long time. I am a little over two years clear. By all accounts, I've moved on with my life and stay very busy between a demanding new job, a six-month old baby, and a relatively new husband of less than a year. While I try not to let my mind linger too long on the fear of the cancer returning, I find very often that I'm angry. It's embarrassing to say, but while I don't display it outwardly, I find that on some level that most people I deal with (family, friends, co-workers) really annoy me or I have negative feedlings towards them. I'm self aware enough to realize that because there is no place to put the blame for the cancer happening that I am projecting it onto undeserving people. I felt more positive when I was diagnosed, treated, and right after treatment. I remember seeing things and people around me very clearly and having a very balanced outlook. Now I feel angry all the time and for silly, petty reasons. I feel riduculous, small-minded, and don't want to project this attitude on to my baby daughter as she grows older. Has anyone dealt with this? How do you get rid of this anger? Where do you put it? Does it ever go away?

Kim

pansylover

how i dealt w/ my anger..wrote it on paper.put it in a balloon or tied it to the outside and let it go..let it float away...I have also worte things down and burned them afterwards....seems to work for me...
(((hugs)))
Cindie

Susan956

Kim,
Cindie has a good idea about writing things out. I have many times in my life, when I seemed to be a loose ends, choosen to write a journal. It always let me write out what I couldn't or shouldn't share with others. In your journal you can scream and hit the wall.... with out bruising your hand. When you are writing in your journal you can let all of the pent up emotions out... so they don't eek out at the wrong moment when you least expect. While I haven't hit the anger phase...just one year clear with cancer... I did hit it big time when my fianance died. The journal worked wonders for me them.. I still write in a journal off and on when bad days come... for me it works.

Take Care.. God Bless...

Susan

KathiM

Kim,
I am having the same things, now and again. There is a grieving process, even tho we survived, there is anger for the way our life was interrupted. And continuing to be so in the fear, however far back you put it, of the cancer's return.
I am seeing a grief counselor, and taking one day at a time...I will share what she says to me...maybe that way, we can all benefit!

Hugs, Kathi

mssue

Hi Kim,
I just wanted to put in my 2 cents-It sounds like a lot of major things have gone on in Your life in the last couple of years,no wonder You are stressing,coming to a breaking point but it also sounds kind of like post partum depression. Your hormonal system has been turbulent and sometimes we need help until it gets back on track.I think my anger period was when I was going through chemo-I stayed mad,I thought everyone was trying to drive me crazy,I was biting off everyones head.My Husband took special notice of this since he too was a victim(ha)but after the doctor put me on an anti depressant everyone could tell the difference and more importantly it gave me some releif.I felt terrible but the chemo threw me into menopause and my hormones went haywire. I would have never beleived that your hormones could be so wicked - I know the truth now though. I don't know if this helps any but you will overcome this too-stay strong and take time to take care of YOU.

(((HUGS)))
Sue

24242

I am sorry you feel so lost in your anger. I think we all go through this and I just wanted to add that often our anger is due to our inability to tolerate certain things anymore. I found myself angry because of the way people thought and often didn't have a clue as to the pain actually being suffered in our world. I couldn't stand the fact that my friends had no idea of what shape our health care system is in or the discriminating factors of where you live and the care you have access to.
Since my cancer fight I find it difficult to shut my mouth and let people continue to live in their positive little bubbles closing their eyes to the reality around them. People think they are being there but most actually don't even know how to do or be that for someone.
I think the anger and Survivors guilt has more to do with accepting our lives as is and moving forward with all of our burdens and that just isn't easy. I also think that my anger came from the fact that life was moving on without me cause I didn't have the strength and just wished it to stop. It doesn't...
Be good to yourself always and learn learning to treat ourselve's like we would our best friends is part of the secret.
Tara

kbc4869

Hi Ladies,

Thanks so much for your replies and advice. I can't tell you how good it feels to not be alone in this and for someone to validate my feelings. You gave me some food for thought -- when I started to write down what I was angry about, it occurred to me that some of it is within my control. And Sue -- while I'm not sure it's all postpardum and hormones, you did lead me down a different line of thinking and made me realize that I'm probably really angry from lack of sleep and working day and night. That's fixable -- I told my husband this morning that I need him to help me more with the baby. (Ah-ha! I DO have blame someone I can blame! lol.) And Tara -- thank you for venting. It makes me feel good to hear someone is as ticked off as I am.

BTW, one of the things that really makes me angry is that I don't look the way I used to before cancer and pregnancy. The weight gain has irked me and I haven't had time to get my hair colored back to my old color or get my nails done. I started a diet yesterday and made an appt at the salon tomorrow -- my husband is going to watch the baby. If anything, that's a start, huh?

Oh, and KathM -- I would love to hear what your grief counselor has to say. If this doesn't get better, it's something I need to do for myself.

Take care All,
Kim