5 yr anniversary...need help

nasa2537

Hello everyone. I haven't posted in ages, but I have a concern maybe someone can relate to. Today is my 5 year anniversary....I am now considered cancer free....at least by insurance standards. I am thrilled, of course...it's been a long road, one filled with a lot of learning, about cancer, about myself, and life in general. I am having a bit of an emotional day, though. I have this feeling that I have arrived at a place where I have done all I can do to make sure the cancer doesn't come back. And, while I doubt it will (I have been very positive throughout), it's almost like a scary feeling....kind of like, "what do I do now?" It feels like...well, I don't know. Almost like a part of my life has ended, and I don't know what to do about it. Am I making any sense at all?? I am elated that I have reached this point, and yet scared that I can't do anything else. The tamoxifen, which seemed to be a lifeline, is gone. My oncologist, the other lifeline, only wants to see me twice a year instead of 4 times a year. Will this feeling go away? Like I said, I am happy, and scared all at the same time. My brain seems to have re-entered the emotional roller coaster it started on 5 years ago. Am I losing it, or am I having a normal reaction? Has anyone else had this feeling? I'd really appreciate some input. Thanks in advance! Cyndi

Susan956

Cyndi,
I expect that you are having very normal feelings. When you are doing something to fight the cancer... it is like it is providing you some sort of shield. I have not finished my treatments... I am just 8 months into taking Arimidex. But I thought I would just pass on my hopes that you will be able to put these worries into a small box of you life and get back to enjoying life to it's fullest.

Take Care... God Bless....

Susan

mssue

Hi Cyndi,

I haven't hit my 5 year mark yet but I didn't have to take Tamoxifen either,mine was hormone negative but her2nu +. I understand how You feel-I think it's a natural reaction and kinda scary too. Congratulations on hitting the mark,now it's time for You to start living your life again just a little differently.Try somethings You haven't yet-finish something you may have started and didn't complete-an old addage have dessert first. It will feel strange at first but You will come around before You know it. Have some fun and don't forget to laugh----alot.

(Hugs)
Sue

KathiM

I talked with a new 5-year survivor. She was having the same feelings. She described it as like graduation from High School. Up until then, you had to work hard, be on time, do what you were told so that you would pass....and then Poof! Congratulations....have a nice life!
Realize that you will never be the same as the person that started the journey, no one that is touched by the beast is...and if it gets too hard to handle, call and talk to an expert....I have a WONDERFUL oncological psychologist (yes, they DO exist!) at my cancer center. Also there are seminars on grief...and not just because someone has passed, but because we survivors all grieve for the life we lost.
You went to treatment to heal your body, look to the same to heal your soul....
HUgs, Kathi

24242

After our fight for our lives we feel some security knowing that others are truly there for us and seemed concerned for our well being. I think for me the fear came from not listening to my body in the first place and feeling like I had somewhat let myself down.
Coming to terms with all that I am and working hard at improving the Quality to my life has helped me cope in the real world. I think just accepting the cancer for what it was and often it is just there because what we were doing at the time wasn't working.
I think sometimes if we find something that we believe in and learn to live with intention and compassion things tend to fall into place for us.
I have been a nine year survivor of stage 3 breast cancer and still to this day have to worker hard somedays on me...
Where there is a garden, there is HOPE! Simplicity and finding gratitude have helped me thus far.
Tara

kc2005

24242 said:

After our fight for our lives we feel some security knowing that others are truly there for us and seemed concerned for our well being. I think for me the fear came from not listening to my body in the first place and feeling like I had somewhat let myself down.
Coming to terms with all that I am and working hard at improving the Quality to my life has helped me cope in the real world. I think just accepting the cancer for what it was and often it is just there because what we were doing at the time wasn't working.
I think sometimes if we find something that we believe in and learn to live with intention and compassion things tend to fall into place for us.
I have been a nine year survivor of stage 3 breast cancer and still to this day have to worker hard somedays on me...
Where there is a garden, there is HOPE! Simplicity and finding gratitude have helped me thus far.
Tara

Dear Tara, I just want to thank you for posting your reply message. You so completely stated what I desperately seek at this point...coming to terms with my disease. I was also at a 3 stage bc, only 1 year out of treatment (chemo, rads and currently Tamoxifen). I find my biggest obstacle is depression...did you have ER breast cancer? any recurrances?

chris1010

I know how you feel. I am a 6 year survivor and it is just surreal; still feels unreal at times.
Just know that you are blessed and God has spared you for a reason.
On what to do??? Just live life and enjoy each day to the fullest. Do things you have always wanted to do and laugh a lot.
Things NOT TO DO!!! Do not live life waiting or anticipating the cancer to return, pains come and go, but when they come, keep and be faithful and trust God and know that He died for your healing, receive it and move on with life. Love ya