Reeling...Hello again all

seeknpeace

I have had an eventful summer. Still dealing with all the job crap. New boss is a nightmare, I am out on medical leave and fighting for my company disability plan and have filed an EEOC claim. Went through a horrible bout of ischemic colitis with a two week hospital stay but, that is not what has me reeling.

Girls, we got word last week that a friend of many years was diagnosed with stage four bc. I am not completely in the know but this is what I have second hand.

She was having pain in her chest area, right side. Her primary kept fluffing it off to gall bladder. Her mammo missed it as it was too high to catch on film. She is 40. When the pain kept getting worse, the primary got off his sorry **** and did tests finally. It had progressed to her lungs, liver and brain. The bone scan seems ok. I am so confused and would like to hear from you guys. I am going to try to be there for her. They have told her that it is inoperable. The surgeon last week walked in with his gaggle of students, she chose the Wake Forest Medical Center/Baptist Hospital for the best care, barked a few things at her, taught his gaggle and left. She has my same oncologist so I have a lot of comfort there. She is the best. I have a hard time understanding how this could have spread to the liver and miss the bones, how it is not operable? If one lobe of that liver can be saved, it will regenerate. It seems as if a lot of things are being said without some round table discussions of all the doctors or something. They told her she is terminal, 3-5 years. She has a 9 and 15 year old. Her spouse is devesated beyond belief.

I think that she needs a second surgical opinion, if for no other reason the lack of care and concern shown to her as a human being. I don't care if he has a knife of kryptonite, he treated her horribly. If you ever needed care, this is the time. We have two fabulous hospitals here, both renowned and my surgeon is the best, imo.

What do I do, how do I help. I have her a basket of care items, I had one of Lance Armstrongs cancer journal books sent to her, but what I want to do is get her to another doctor. Should I push her for that?

Sorry to be so absent. I have been having a long drawn out nervous break down for oh about, hmmmm...two years?

Jan

dbqueen

Hmmm. Sounds like a lot going on there. I know if there are lots and lots of tumors they will usually try chemo first. But I am not sure why they shouldn't look at EACH organ to see when or not surgery makes sense for any of them. Seems like they have lumped all her stuff together and considered her hopeless. Perhaps you could see what it would take to get a second opinion at another hospital and help her gather everything for that? Or offer to go on visits to ask more specific questions, like "how many tumors are in the liver?" or "can surgery work for any of the organs" or whatever. Her husband and her may be too traumatized to truly hear everything he is saying. And of course, cassaroles are always helpful if they don't want any assistance with the medical stuff!

Susan956

Sorry your friend has been given such a hopeless outlook. You will have to see what type of help she wants. I would think that a second opion would be in order. I know when I was out looking, I chose the local hospital that had a relationship with M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. The way they have it is if you have a serious enough case they refer you and you actually get some treatment at M.D. Anderson. I was lucky and didn't need it... but I was glad that it was an option.

You may have to wait a week for your friend to have time to process the information that she has been given. I know it was very helpful for me to have someone else go with me to appointments especially early on when I was having a hard time hearing what was being said.

Your friend is very lucky to have someone to help her out.

Take Care... God Bless..

Susan

KathiM

Jan,

Just be there to talk and laugh. That is VERY big, as you know.

I got 5 2nd opinions. I didn't like what my first onc said, so off I went. I now have a FAB onc who is VERY, VERY wonderful....

Hugs for being such a caring friend.

Kathi

lindaanderson

KathiM said:

Jan,

Just be there to talk and laugh. That is VERY big, as you know.

I got 5 2nd opinions. I didn't like what my first onc said, so off I went. I now have a FAB onc who is VERY, VERY wonderful....

Hugs for being such a caring friend.

Kathi

Sorry to hear of your friends's metastatic disease. Sometimes it is too wide spread for removal of one lobe of the liver. Also the liver is a very tricky organ and surgery on it may leave her so sick that life is not good. I'd stake my life on Wake Forest though,but each doctor and case is different. My daughter had stage 4 metastatic cancer when she was 5 yrs and now is 35. But she just found out she has DCIS(ductal carcinoma in situ) a very early stage bc. I just finished treatment for bc in May. My mother and grandmother died with it. What a beast it is! Being a good friend and listening to her is the best for now. I never question wanting a second opinion. It is always a good idea when one is troubled over the diagnosis.

Sandis

As a friend I would encourage her to get a second opinion. It might help her have peace of mind that she's done everything. sorry you've been having such a difficult time. Sandi

ylgriffin1

hey there. i went through the same with my boss. I was fired from MSKCC for being late. I knew the bc was back and I could not sleep. we are talking 5-7 minutes with massive overtime. i also had severe uterine bleeding and a bld count of 7. anyway, please have your friend have second opinion. anytime a dr says it's inoperable when they or others misdiagnosed it for so long, please have her fly to a reknown cancer center like MSKCC. they may be **** to work for but their dr's are magnificent. I will pray for both of you. yvette

mssue

Hi Jan,

Glad You are still surviving.You have been busy haven't seen You post in quite some time. I am very very sorry to hear about Your friend,all I can do is tell You and all to pray for her and be there for her. I'd definately get another opinion, maybe even check into some place like cancer treatments of america,I know some may be opposed to them for their advertising tactics but, when there aren't many options left it doesn't hurt to check-you'll never know unless you see for yourself.
Since I've seen your post last my sister has had cancer, stage 3 ovarian, (it only goes to a stage 4) she is doing pretty good right now even thou she had to stop the treatments,couldn't take anymore. And my husband just had one of his kidneys removed(cancer),Friday will be 2 wks ago,he had a kidney stone last year he passed - he passed another one the beginning of August this year - during routine checking they found a mass in his kidney that wasn't there just last year.It was 4.3cm-it was growing fast-I know this sounds stupid but thank God for kidney stones. He is recupperating and doing well.He has been through sooo much lately-it's good to see him smile again-I pray for your friend the same.
Take care and God Bless You!
Sue

seeknpeace

mssue said:

Hi Jan,

Glad You are still surviving.You have been busy haven't seen You post in quite some time. I am very very sorry to hear about Your friend,all I can do is tell You and all to pray for her and be there for her. I'd definately get another opinion, maybe even check into some place like cancer treatments of america,I know some may be opposed to them for their advertising tactics but, when there aren't many options left it doesn't hurt to check-you'll never know unless you see for yourself.
Since I've seen your post last my sister has had cancer, stage 3 ovarian, (it only goes to a stage 4) she is doing pretty good right now even thou she had to stop the treatments,couldn't take anymore. And my husband just had one of his kidneys removed(cancer),Friday will be 2 wks ago,he had a kidney stone last year he passed - he passed another one the beginning of August this year - during routine checking they found a mass in his kidney that wasn't there just last year.It was 4.3cm-it was growing fast-I know this sounds stupid but thank God for kidney stones. He is recupperating and doing well.He has been through sooo much lately-it's good to see him smile again-I pray for your friend the same.
Take care and God Bless You!
Sue

Thank you ALL for taking time to respond. I do think that Wake Forest is a wonderful hospital as well, but also, the teaching hospitals are not always the best for emotional care. They are running around with students in tow and their bedside manners leave much to be desired. I personally have run into that at Wake Forest. We also have Forsyth Medical Center here which is renowned for some other things and both hospitals have cancer centers.

What kind of worries me the most is that I think that she is in a denial of sorts. She spent the first two weeks in shock, crying, etc. Now she is in the fight mode and so it is on the back burner sort of. Let's not talk of it, I am gonna live my life like normal and get my treatments and charge ahead. You all know that her life will drastically change with the treatments. She has no idea how much. The children do not know. Just that she is sick. They own their own business and she is the heart of that company. I have a great fear that she will push herself to the limit, trying to live as if it is not there. My thing for her is to start looking for other opinions, other treatments. When they tell you 3-5 years, you have to try anything, don't you think? I mean, I would mainline jelly beans, whatever was the going new therapy..and sometimes I feel so guilty to be a survivor. I have raised my kids, why not me?

My mom also was diagnosed with BC last summer, had a lumpectomy and radiation. She had papillary, slow growing, but she is 74. Her mother died of BC, and of her four sisters, she is the fourth to have had bc.

My job is on the worst side of horrible. Having to close my company when I was diagnosed in 2004 has had such far reaching effects. I had to teeth on the first corporation. The second job was wonderful til the boss left and they promoted someone who is totally ignorant to the job and a poor boss. He has made his way to where he is by delegation, but sooner or later he will have to drive that car, not just renew his license and hire drivers. I have been on medical leave more than I have worked this year. He pretty much despises me, I am the letter writer, the tattle tale, the "what are you thinking" employee. Bad side of bi-polar. And, to top it off, I had ischemic colitis this summer which landed me in the hospital for 10 days. That was a blast. I got out July 28 and I am still recovering from that.

So that is my damage. Forgive me for the length. I am sorry that I have not posted in so long. I am just a little lost right now. Cannot figure out where I belong in the world. At 54, how do you change careers when your spouse has retired with a whopping 1000. a month retirement and cannot find work either? I never thought it would end up this way. I am just one of those ppl who took a job one day and moved around in the field and all of a sudden it is 30 years later and I am like, ****, I never like this that much, how did this happen. lol

The daily bright spot is my Quaker Parrot Sara. The overall ones are my family. But, Sara is here all the time to bite my nose.

Where is Ink Blot? All ok there?

Love to all....Jan

toninasky

seeknpeace said:

Thank you ALL for taking time to respond. I do think that Wake Forest is a wonderful hospital as well, but also, the teaching hospitals are not always the best for emotional care. They are running around with students in tow and their bedside manners leave much to be desired. I personally have run into that at Wake Forest. We also have Forsyth Medical Center here which is renowned for some other things and both hospitals have cancer centers.

What kind of worries me the most is that I think that she is in a denial of sorts. She spent the first two weeks in shock, crying, etc. Now she is in the fight mode and so it is on the back burner sort of. Let's not talk of it, I am gonna live my life like normal and get my treatments and charge ahead. You all know that her life will drastically change with the treatments. She has no idea how much. The children do not know. Just that she is sick. They own their own business and she is the heart of that company. I have a great fear that she will push herself to the limit, trying to live as if it is not there. My thing for her is to start looking for other opinions, other treatments. When they tell you 3-5 years, you have to try anything, don't you think? I mean, I would mainline jelly beans, whatever was the going new therapy..and sometimes I feel so guilty to be a survivor. I have raised my kids, why not me?

My mom also was diagnosed with BC last summer, had a lumpectomy and radiation. She had papillary, slow growing, but she is 74. Her mother died of BC, and of her four sisters, she is the fourth to have had bc.

My job is on the worst side of horrible. Having to close my company when I was diagnosed in 2004 has had such far reaching effects. I had to teeth on the first corporation. The second job was wonderful til the boss left and they promoted someone who is totally ignorant to the job and a poor boss. He has made his way to where he is by delegation, but sooner or later he will have to drive that car, not just renew his license and hire drivers. I have been on medical leave more than I have worked this year. He pretty much despises me, I am the letter writer, the tattle tale, the "what are you thinking" employee. Bad side of bi-polar. And, to top it off, I had ischemic colitis this summer which landed me in the hospital for 10 days. That was a blast. I got out July 28 and I am still recovering from that.

So that is my damage. Forgive me for the length. I am sorry that I have not posted in so long. I am just a little lost right now. Cannot figure out where I belong in the world. At 54, how do you change careers when your spouse has retired with a whopping 1000. a month retirement and cannot find work either? I never thought it would end up this way. I am just one of those ppl who took a job one day and moved around in the field and all of a sudden it is 30 years later and I am like, ****, I never like this that much, how did this happen. lol

The daily bright spot is my Quaker Parrot Sara. The overall ones are my family. But, Sara is here all the time to bite my nose.

Where is Ink Blot? All ok there?

Love to all....Jan

Hey, I'm new on the block, and I can really sympathize with what you are feeling regarding your job and family income. I do want to let you know that every time a door closes, one opens up. I have found this to be true in my husbands life and mine. He lost his job as a art director at the age of 55. I worked a party plan to keep us afloat. Funny thing was it became so successful we were taking trips to the Islands and Europe courtesy of the company. Don't give up , and continue to fight for your rights. We went on to start our own business Listowel Celtic Art. My husband now designs Irish dance costumes and other Celtic art for a living. God never does let you down. i will pray for you and for your friend. KEEP THE FAITH!!! Just a tiny mustard seed can move that mountain you call unemployment. HE SAYS: "FEAR NOT FOR I AM WITH YOU IN ALL THINGS, AND GOOD THINGS ARE IN YOUR FUTURE."