Newly Diagnosed

arcafan30

I am 46 years old and newly diagnosed with prostate cancer. I am planning on having the robot surgery at Branes Hospital in St. Louis Mo. but I am affraid of the side effects I am a paramedic by trait and affraid i will not be able to do my job after the surgery. I do get depressed and i know this is normal. after reading alot of your notes it does help. can any one tell me that have had the surgey will I be able to lift my patients and go back to a normal life? and did this put a strain on anyones relation. it seems since i found out my wife and i seem to bicker about every little thing, thanks for every ones reply in advance... scared in IL near st.louis

jeffmtnman

Hey there,
My name is Jeff. Had RP one year ago today. Also Quit smoking one year ago today. Yee haa. Here's a 4 letter word for ya. TIME.
Yes, you will be able to do your job, just not right away. It will indeed take time. I was out of work for 3 months and when I went back my surgeon gave me his blessing. No limitations, however you know your own body and your body will tell what you can and can't do.
As far as my relation w' my wife, yes it has been strained but only after surgery, and I know it's me because I've been on an emotional rollercoaster like you wouldn't believe. Something I have to work on. Seems like every little thing bothers me.
Try to let your wife be the friend to you that she was before you were diagnosed, and when you get ready to argue about some trivial matter stop and ask yourself "How important is it ?"
And yes, you have a right to be scared. You just don't have a right to blame it on those around you, especially those that love you.
You can do this !
Keep us up on your progress and email me anytime.
jeffmtnman@comcast.net

Blessed Be,
Jeff

mayadevi

I had robotic laproscopic radical prostatectomy in June.I still have stress incontinence and no erection even with cialis.But I am 73 years old.At your age your progress will be much faster.Probably you will be back to where you were preop in 2 to 3 months.Robotic is the way to go.I was out of hospital and doing my own things next day.No pain.I didn't even use the prescription for percocet.It is really minimally invasive surgery.I had more discomfort with hernioplasty.Go for it.

stuart

Hi, my approach was to go with radiation...I did not lose a day from work...There is no pain but I did get very tired by the end of the day...My treatment was on a daily basis for five weeks...I had the radiation in the morning and it took about fifteen minutes from the time I arrived until
I left...Most men go with surgery which is still the perferred way however long term studies have indicated the outcomes to be the same...You may wish to get an opinion from a radiologist even if you are geared for surgery...The more you know the better decisions you will make...

TomBk

Sir, I am a survivor of this disease and I have had the radical prostatectomy surgery in spring of 2005. I can do anything I want to, I can lift the same as before.Of course, my cancer was very early stage and so surgery sufficed to get rid of it.
You need your wife's support. This disease hits where it hurts the most...in the area of intimacy. So of course both of you are freaked out. Get informed, get on the internet, or find some books on this disease so you know what to expect. I can tell you right off that you will want to do everything you can as far as treatments or surgery to save your nerves that are responsible for your erection. The road you are going down now will not be easy but there are many who are willing to help you to deal with it. remember though, you are the one who will have to make the decisions so get informed. there is an excellent book on the subject my doctor gave me but i will have to go home to find the author and get back with you tommorrow.

I can not repeat this enough: surround yourself with a support group! you will need the love and consideration of those who really care for you. it would not be wise to go through this alone. Your wife is worried and you are worried, that is all. Cancer is scary. If you want to talk about it I will talk to you anytime. Just let me know. However, your doctor really is the best one to talk to. Find a good one!

kaiepooh

Hi,
My name is Karen my husband had prostate cancer when he turned 50. it was a scary thing. Your whole world changes. The stress level goes way up and you tend to worry about everything. The bickering between you and your wife is normal for the stress you are under. She is worried that she may lose you. Cancer of any kind puts the fear in people. she might be putting a wall to protect herself. You can also be pushing her away not knowing it cause you are scared. Just remember life is short enought. Just when you get irritated just tell her you love her and let it go. or count to ten. Ask her to talk to you and let her tell you her fears and you tell her yours. My husband and myself always tried to put our feeling out there to help each other. And take the support that is given you.You will need it. This happened to you but effects alot more than just one person. Best of luck and be well.

stuart

kaiepooh said:

Hi,
My name is Karen my husband had prostate cancer when he turned 50. it was a scary thing. Your whole world changes. The stress level goes way up and you tend to worry about everything. The bickering between you and your wife is normal for the stress you are under. She is worried that she may lose you. Cancer of any kind puts the fear in people. she might be putting a wall to protect herself. You can also be pushing her away not knowing it cause you are scared. Just remember life is short enought. Just when you get irritated just tell her you love her and let it go. or count to ten. Ask her to talk to you and let her tell you her fears and you tell her yours. My husband and myself always tried to put our feeling out there to help each other. And take the support that is given you.You will need it. This happened to you but effects alot more than just one person. Best of luck and be well.

Karen: you are so right about the emotional effects this cancer has on a marriage...I was diagnosed five years ago and the family dynamics are difficult...My wife and I are still together (30 years)but everyday is a challenge...

wyrebender56

kaiepooh said:

Hi,
My name is Karen my husband had prostate cancer when he turned 50. it was a scary thing. Your whole world changes. The stress level goes way up and you tend to worry about everything. The bickering between you and your wife is normal for the stress you are under. She is worried that she may lose you. Cancer of any kind puts the fear in people. she might be putting a wall to protect herself. You can also be pushing her away not knowing it cause you are scared. Just remember life is short enought. Just when you get irritated just tell her you love her and let it go. or count to ten. Ask her to talk to you and let her tell you her fears and you tell her yours. My husband and myself always tried to put our feeling out there to help each other. And take the support that is given you.You will need it. This happened to you but effects alot more than just one person. Best of luck and be well.

Hi all, my first visit here.... My husband was diagnosed with a aplastic neuroendocrine tumor on June 28th. What we thought was an abcess under his right arm was actually two lymphnodes that had fused, they grew rapidly.
Karen, you are so right! Your world as you knew it no longer...your relationship with your husband/wife changes immediately.
My husband and I had a storybook marriage the kind you read about in romance novels, we were the envy of all our friends. Now, that has been stolen and I'm so angry!!!!!!!!! I am angry for losing what we had and having this fear of the future replacing our plans for the future.
His prognosis is ify -- this is a very rare form of cancer and they cannot find the primary. He has had one chemo treatment so far and is facing two more then radiation of the surgery site and low dose of his brain. We may have to have three more chemo treatmments (cisplatin and taxotere). So far, his scans show no other tumors anywhere.
I cry at the drop of a hat, sad song or just out of the blue. He is my rock, my white knight and the thought of not having him in my life -- well, it's just too much to bear.
We don't argue (never have) but he feels very guilty about having cancer. I am his biggest cheerleader around him, in private I cry, cry and then cry somemore.
We have five adult children and 6 grand children, they want to see their "Gramps" but selfishly we want our time to ourselves.
At night, we hold eachother tight and try to find some normalcy when everything is spinning out of control.
Thank you all for your candidness. To read about people going through the same thing, having the same feelings really has helped us.

Bobzmcishl

At your age you should not have any problem resuming work. The typical layoff from laproscopic surgery according to what my urologists have told me is two months. I hope your surgeon has given you a frank assessment of the degree of liklihood of the side effects of incontinence and impotence. He should have those statistics readily available. You should have also talked to a radiation oncologist to get his opinion. I weighed all three of the most popular options and elected 3d conformal radiation, but then I am 20 years older than you and can afford to go the treatments for two months without worrying about work. I read four books on prostate cancer and they all provided pretty objective views on treatment options and side effects. Your wife should be your biggest supporter, but she of course is going through her own worry about what will happen to you. I brought my wife to all of my appointments with urologist and had her read the four books on prostate cancer that I read. It also helps I think to let other family and friend know about your condition. They can be very supportive as well. Cancer has a way of making most other problems seem pretty minor. It does force a family to put other things on hold for awhile but at the end of that time, you will be able to get on with the rest of your life. That is the message I have gotten from reading about this cancer, but also from talking to friends that had the disease, and reading about celebrities who had it. One thing does come through loud and clear - it is very normal to be anxious, afraid, and depressed at times - we wouldn't be human otherwise.

shipjim

I echo the other posts, did the Da Vinci in Feb 2006, played golf in a month, have some incontinence and impotentcy yet but frankly they are minor irritations, my life doesn't revolve around getting an erection, hope it comes back but if not I'm still me and go forward, the incontinence is clearing up nicely and only use a light panty liner, my daughter recommended te one for thongs as it doesn't bunch up, Who'd have thought????
The cancer word is scarey but prostate is the best for us to get if there's such a thing as its easily treated and has great success stories.