Advice please for work/professional life issues

usakat

Hello Semis -
I spoke with my boss today about the when, where, what of going back to work. I've been out six weeks and just extended it to get past my first round or two of chemo which is starting on Wednesday (3 week cycles of Xeolox AKA Xeloda & Oxaliplatin). Here's my pickle...

Just a few days before my diagnosis in May I had resigned from my job due to Dilbertian leadership issues and too few project opportunities, not to mention an offer from another contractor that was financially hard to refuse. My employer, a commercial general contractor, gave me somewhat of a counter offer which was to move from project manager (should mainly be an office management job) to on site superintendent, a lateral move but quite different parts of managing a construction project - kind of like two sides of the same coin.

I hedged a bit with the counter offer but loosely accepted because I had just had my colonoscopy the day before and was told I had cancer. I HAD to keep my job for medical and disability insurance reasons. I ended up in surgery the following week so I went on SDI and put off the new company, who by the way calls every couple of weeks to check up on me. Thankfully the offer is still on the table when I get better.

Being an on site superintendent can be as tough or as hard one makes it I suppose, but not to be a cry baby, construction is tough on girls sometimes and I'm not sure this is the time in my life to make this switch. Imagine, the galloping trots with chemo and having to use portable toilets in 100 degree summer heat (although I insist that I have my own toilet on job sites), climbing ladders and scaffolding, and bad boys. I've never been an I-can't-do-that kind of gal, but I guess there is a first time for everything.

Here are my options as I see it:
1. Grin and bear it, get back to work, buy Imodium in bulk from Costco and wear cool packs under my hard hat.
2. Tell my employer its office work only and let them decide what to do with me. I'm not sure what rights or protections private employees have for limited work arrangements during illness. Any info?
3. Stay on disability as long as I can and ride out the chemo without work, however this could possibly have ramifications to my career in the short term and I never imagined myself as a person on disability.
4. Quit and take the job with the new company and work out the insurance and medical issues as best I can. I'm just not big on the idea of starting a new job when I'm not 100%. Again, construction can be tough on girls.

Any thoughts, advice or comments would be greatly appreciated.

Kat

BTW: Are there any plans for Semicolon/Colonpalooza events in DC in September during the ACS Celebration on the Hill? http://www.cancer.org/docroot/PAR/Content/PAR_1_6_Celebration_on_the_Hill.asp
I used to live in DC before my mom got sick and have been wanting to go back to visit my friends. If the Semis are kicking it up I could do a combo visit. Anyone here joining the festivities in DC in September?

oneagleswings

I remember awhile back someone here posting a response to the same sort of question which encouraged me to beg my husband to go off on disability..."if the cancer is cured- there is time enough in the future to work..and if the cancer can not be cured then do you really want to spend the time you have left working?"...was good advice for us but everyone and every case is different. Good luck with your decision.
Bev

KathiM

Kat,
I agree with Bev...you only have one body...I couldn't go out completely, because I am a business owner...but tried to rest as much as possible.
Trouble with #4 is new insurance will treat the beast as a pre-existing...will either exclude coverage or make it tough...check it out first.
COH-Yes, I'm going...coming from California...early...Saturday. Ambassador from CA, so of course I have NO IDEA yet where I am staying...
Hugs, Kathi

spongebob

Kat -

Quick response to the baby-palooza here in DC in Sept ICW Celebration on the Hill - there will be a few of us there - and I live in DC all the time (actually I live on I-495 it seems much of the time)!

More on the job issue soon.

Cheers

- SpongeBob

AuthorUnknown

Kat,

Your health comes first. So, my opinion is that you should take care of youself first. If you are able and can afford to be on disability during the chemo, that I think is the best. This way you can take rest, relax, etc. I don't think that the fact that you are on disability is downgrading you, so I would not worry about the image. And I would not worry about the career because if your health is in jeopardy, your career is not worth it.

When and if you do have to go to work - I would go with your option 2. In my mind, construction is for strong and healthy, so I would stay out of it.

Call a labor lawyer in your area. If you call on the phone, you would not have to pay. I do this all the time. When I have a legal question, I open yellow pages, find a list of lawyers and call and ask my question. Some will refuse to answer but some will.

I am not sure from your posting what would you have to do in the new job, but if it is the office work and is good opportunity, you might consider it since they know your illness and might be tolerant of you when you have to take time off. And if you get your medical benefits with the new job.

If the new job will not be tolerant or not give you benefits, stay with your old job.

Does it make sense?

Hope it helps.

Best wishes, Eleonora

spongebob

AuthorUnknown said:

Kat,

Your health comes first. So, my opinion is that you should take care of youself first. If you are able and can afford to be on disability during the chemo, that I think is the best. This way you can take rest, relax, etc. I don't think that the fact that you are on disability is downgrading you, so I would not worry about the image. And I would not worry about the career because if your health is in jeopardy, your career is not worth it.

When and if you do have to go to work - I would go with your option 2. In my mind, construction is for strong and healthy, so I would stay out of it.

Call a labor lawyer in your area. If you call on the phone, you would not have to pay. I do this all the time. When I have a legal question, I open yellow pages, find a list of lawyers and call and ask my question. Some will refuse to answer but some will.

I am not sure from your posting what would you have to do in the new job, but if it is the office work and is good opportunity, you might consider it since they know your illness and might be tolerant of you when you have to take time off. And if you get your medical benefits with the new job.

If the new job will not be tolerant or not give you benefits, stay with your old job.

Does it make sense?

Hope it helps.

Best wishes, Eleonora

Kat -

As promised my rec. re: the job - Eleanora hit the nail on the head - ditto her reply to you!

Cheers

- Sponge

usakat

Thanks for the replies Bev, Kathi, Eleonora and SpongeBob.

Bev, your question about how would I want to spend my time cut to the core and was a bit of the shout in the ear I needed. While it makes sense, I never thought of my cancer as life threatening (life altering for sure), but something I know in my heart I am certain to recover from. Am I in denial? I'm also young, on my own and self supporting so I need to maintain my career objectives and most importantly, my medical and LDI benefits. And this may sound silly to say when I'm faced with cancer, but I truly enjoy the work I do. I get a great deal of satisfaction from the work, its interesting, puts a roof over my head and mostly keeps me out of trouble. So work is good, with the exception of a horrific commute. (SpongeBob, I remember many an evening after work parked on I-95/495 when I lived in DC - now that I'm on the Left Coast I do it on the 55/405).

Thanks Eleonora for a very thoughtful response. After thinking about it I think you're right, on site work is not an option while my health and strength are compromised. I could be a hazard to myself and others and that is unacceptable.

I took some time to review some important info - FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act), my Employee Handbook, SDI rules and computations (I have a year of benefits) and my medical insurance as it relates to COBRA for continuation of medical benefits. Option 2 or 3 is the way to go depending on how it goes with chemo. It starts this week so I should be able to figure this out before my 12 weeks under FMLA are up.

Honestly, I think the real issue is I'm feeling overwhelmed and scared, like too much of life is out of control and uncertain. My mom's cancer looks like it's on the move and I'm supposed to be helping her through her cancer, but lately she's been helping me. And she doesn't want to tell my brothers what is going on with her cancer, leaving me the keeper of her cancer secret. Not sure I can feel right about keeping my brothers in the dark this time. Monday we go to her oncologist, Wednesday we go to mine. Also I'm waiting on my MRI test results and worrying about keeping all the business of life intact on my own. I guess I'm starting to feel a bit like I want to escape.

One good thing though, my dad called today. Up until a couple of weeks ago we had been estranged for more than 9 years (his mother died of colon cancer when he was in college). I'm glad we're talking. I told him he should host a family party (he's been out of touch with the whole family). He laughed. I was serious so I'll send him an encouraging note.

Thanks again for your responses, it helps tremendously and I very much appreciate your feedback.

Kat

P.S. Kathi, as a survivor and spokesperson for the SemiColons you deserve only the best, you should stay at the Willard while in DC. Or check out the Hotel Washington, it's the only place in DC where you can get liquor soak flaming bananas, sticking to the BRAT diet of course (bananas, rice, applesauce, toast). Although, there are more affordable options. Either way, DC is lovely.