Caretaker Question

mindy10

Hi everyone. My mother is my fathers sole caretaker and it is taking a tole on her mentally and physically. We are all two hours away and have jobs and kids of our own so we can only help on the weekends. Any suggestions on how to help her? She does have hospice but they only come in 3 days a week and they stay one hour. She cant even leave the house now and she needs to buy food or get pain meds for my dad. They have no friends down the cape so she has no one to ask to stay with him. She is so desperate and I dont know what to do. We are all saving our vacation time so we can go down there for his last week of life. I know hospice can give you an idea when that day comes. How did you caretakers do it on your own? Mindy

2bhealed

Hi Mindy,

When my sister was sick my other sister gave up her job and temporarily moved in with her until she died.

When I got sick my parents moved up to my town and rented an apartment for three years. They would stay the school year and then go home for the summers.

It takes an adjustment for all. Cancer is a family disease and it takes its toll on the entire family.

When my sister was sick I went out once a week. I was not quite an hour away. I went other times that she requested my help....to take her shopping or bathe her or just sit with her.

peace, emily

Unknown

I was caretaker to my mom who died of lung cancer last September as well as to my husband who was diagnosed with colon cancer one year after my mom's diagnosis.

There are no other family members for me as my dad passed away 15 years ago, my two siblings have died, my husband's family all is in Europe, so I was pretty much it.

I made arrangements at work to be with both people as much as I could. My son helped too, as did my husband once he was done with treatment and became NED, but it sure was a blessing that I had very understanding folks at work who allowed me to use vacation/sick/personal time to be with both my mom and husband as needed. I did not know how my "job" was willing to work with me until I asked. Is working flex time or flex hours a possibility for one of your family members? How about alternating....a sick day here, a vacation day there...divided out among your family members to give your mom a little support and relief during the week. Just some food for thought.

Emily is so right...cancer involves the whole family and, many times, non-family. Another suggestion, maybe your dad would like to see members of his family before it becomes his last week of life thus alternating may be an option.

Hope this helps a little.

Monika

AuthorUnknown

Dear Mindy,

I am so sorry for what your family is going through.

Please try to call American Cancer Society. Your local chapter may have volunteers that could come and help your family. I know, for example, that they have drivers that take people to appointments, etc.

Please also remember that God is with you and your family and especially your father.

My heart goes out to you. You can e-mail me any time if you need a shoulder to cry on.

May God bless you and your family.

Eleonora

poochini04

I was wondering if you guys have any companies in the area that would provide respite for your mom? I am actually a respite worker from a state-sponsered company(called South Central Respite). I go into private homes and take care of clients(all ages) for a few hours so that the primary caregivers can leave the house to have a break. If you guys have a local commission on aging, they could probably provide you with names of respite companies in your area and maybe even pay for a few of the hours so that your mom can leave for a little while to do what she needs to do or even to just spend some time with friends. I know from personal experience that being the primary caregiver is a hard job. Best of luck and I hope you guys can find your mom some help. Hugs!