Need Caretakers Support

mindy10

Oh how oh how do you do it. I just came back from visiting my dad who has stage 4 cancer. He is doing very bad right now. He had surgery to drain fluid from his lung because of a tumor and he has gone down hill ever since. He is supose to try once more type of chemo but I think they are going to say he is too skinny and weak for it. I just got back from visiting him. he lives two hours away so I try to go down every weekend or every other weekend to visit. But oh boy is hard to see him like this. Today he looked so skinny and was very very weak. He is in alot of pain now and on pain meds. I know this is the beginning of the end and I dont know how I am going to watch this up until the end. I try to be supportive and Im there for him and I rub his feet and back the whole time Im there but I cant even look into his face because it upsets me so much. I hope he doesnt realize I dont look at him when I talk to him. I just rub his feet and look at his feet. How do you caretakers survive this? I feel so guilty because I pray to god to take him fast so he does not have to suffer. He is so scared and he is not positive at all. He cries alot to. I watched my girlfriends mother die of cancer but she never complained about the pain or dying and never cried so It was easier on her. Sorry this is so long I just needed to get it out because I just got back from visiting him. Thanks for listening. Mindy

chynabear

Dear Mindy,

While I'm not sure I can give you any advice for how to better deal with this I just want you to know that I am so sorry that you have to face this challenge. It is always so unfair to see our loved ones in pain and weak or dying. I wish I could just give you a hug for what you are going through. Do you have any support system?

I worked in a long term care facility at one point in my life and I know that hospice was a blessing to many folks losing loved ones. In fact my Uncle was in hospice before passing. They often have ways to help the sick and the family of the sick with dealing and getting through all aspects regarding illness and dying. Maybe this could be an option for you to look into?

I have said a prayer for you and your father.

KathiM

chynabear said:

Dear Mindy,

While I'm not sure I can give you any advice for how to better deal with this I just want you to know that I am so sorry that you have to face this challenge. It is always so unfair to see our loved ones in pain and weak or dying. I wish I could just give you a hug for what you are going through. Do you have any support system?

I worked in a long term care facility at one point in my life and I know that hospice was a blessing to many folks losing loved ones. In fact my Uncle was in hospice before passing. They often have ways to help the sick and the family of the sick with dealing and getting through all aspects regarding illness and dying. Maybe this could be an option for you to look into?

I have said a prayer for you and your father.

I have a girlfriend who is a hospice nurse, and she is FABULOUS! Mindy, a person in this profession is there to offer support to EVERYONE...the whole family, and beyond. They know how to help you ease your pain, as well as your dad's (both are just as real).
I worked a Relay today and had just this discussion with a gal who's hubby is struggling, and I will tell you what I told her...
You guys are the REAL heros...you have to watch us struggle, and keep a smile on your face. As I also have said, and will say now...turn around and look on the floor behind you...see that feather? That is from your wings.
I wish I could ease your pain...but the best I can do is send my hugs and my prayers for both you and your dad...
Kathi