1-year survivor w/small children has lost spouse

TeresaAnn Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
This is my first time to post here. I am 40 years old and proud to be a 1-year survivor who is currently cancer-free (or so they tell me). My history is that I had a mastectomy in 2/05 followed by 16 weeks of dose-dense chemo (4 A/C, 4 Taxol every 2 weeks), then 28 radiation treatments. I was at stage 2 when diagnosed. I have been feeling great and looking forward to getting back to some sense of normal in my life. Unfortunately, my dear husband (age 47) died unexpectly last week of a heart attack in his sleep. I am suddenly not only a BC survivor just hoping for there to be no recurrence, but am now a single parent. I am so fearful for my children (age 5 and 10) that they might lose me also someday. Has anyone out there been through a similar situation and, if so, how did you manage your fear of recurrence?


  • LesleyH
    LesleyH Member Posts: 370
    Hi TeressaAnn,

    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I cannot imagine how you feel right now. We all have a fear of recurrence, but it must be so much more difficult for you. My husband is healthy and I worry about leaving my children without a mother. It must be so much more difficult for you. Do you have a guardian for them? After my diagnosis, I left specific instruction who was (and was not) to take care of my children.

    Hope this is a needless worry and that you will live to see your grandchildren marry and have children.


  • Nudge
    Nudge Member Posts: 7
    I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I just had my first surgery and do not of my outcome, but I have to say I did get all my affairs in order as you never do know what will happen. I would hate to leave my children without a mother nonetheless without a mother/father. I am sympathetic and do not know what you are going through. Keep up your faith as you must have been giving another lease on life and have another 40+ years ahead of you.
  • Kammie
    Kammie Member Posts: 4
    That saying comes to mind "When it rains, it pours"
    I have just now reached the one year mark myself. I am a single mother. My son is 12. My ex is 10 years younger than me. I always thought he would be here if I died. (My mother died of BC at age 47, i am now 49) But my ex was diagnosed with cancer in his jaw about 6 months before I was diagnosed. What are the odds? But hearing your story I can only be thankful that so far we are both here and I hope we can both remain cancer free for decades. The fear is there. I am told it eases with time. I can only do as the doctor says and pray to be around long enough to see my son grow up, and pray his father can as well. Also, one word of advice to everyone. Get your mammograms but do not trust them. I found the lump myself. Even after several different re-scans, it didnt show up. If something feels unusual, insist on an ultrasound. Good luck to you.

  • Susan956
    Susan956 Member Posts: 510
    Just wanted you to know that my thoughts are prayers are with you. I am just a few days away from making it to my 1 year survivor date. And I hope to be here until my son has kids and maybe even grandkids.

    I lived through the sudden death (heart attack) of my fianace about 4 years ago, and I know that that for me made cancer seem not so bad when it came 3 years later.

    I hope that you have family and friends that you can rely on to help you through the next year as you piece your life back together. I hope that you will remain healthy for many year to come.

    I believe that God only gives you the challenges that you can deal with... but for a long time I almost lost my faith... Didn't seem fair... but there is always a plan.. just not one that we can see.

    Today I know that I am a much stronger person that I was 4 years ago... and I think I much better understand the priorities for my life.

    When you get down... try to remember that time will make things better. One of my friends early on told me that... and at the time I didn't understand how much the passage of time would help.... You just have to hang in there until it gets more bearable.

    Take Care.... God Bless...

  • SassyAF
    SassyAF Member Posts: 13
    TheresaAnn-I read your story this morning and thought of you throughout the day. I am sorry about your loss and your children's.
    I am just starting this journey with BC. I will start cheomo in about 3 weeks. I'm trying to mentally and physically prepare for what is about to take place to my body. I'm really scared, mainly about the unknown but I know that I'll get through it. My son found me this site and signed me up. I can't tell you what a support & comfort I have found right here on my little screen. Reach out in every direction for support. Hugs from your children, kindness from strangers can be rewarding. Even though I wish I were not going through this BC business the goodness of others in my time of need has been incredible and strengtening. Take it one day at a time and allow yourself to heal, just like you did a year ago. Like I said it is the unknown that is so scary. If it would make you feel better to organize a few things in your life than you should go ahead. I'll be rooting for you.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    I have been a single mom to two great developmentally disabled kids. I worried a lot about what would happen if.....
    I felt better after I revised my will, named a guardian, and set my finances straight (this after 1 1/2 years battling the beast...crc and bc.).
    As far as fear of reoccurance...we all have it...and just realize...you KICKED it this time, so if, heaven forbid, it ever happens again, you can kick it again!
    Hugs,Hugs, Hugs, Kathi
  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398
    Bad things happen to good people and I am so sorry you have had to face so much in such a short period of time. I found when I was battling my stage 3 breast cancer things could get worse and they did. I found loosing family members hard to take especially a cousin I was close too who fought her own battle with breast cancer. She and her ex husband and the whole family came together which was the true blessing and miracle during this time. Even though these difficult times occur it is hard not to find things we still can be very grateful for and sometimes that is as simple as having our children with us.
    Learning what we have control over and what we do not can go along way in helping us put our feet one foot in front of the other. Sometimes just getting up in the morning and facing the day is all we can do somedays and we must allow for that.
    Know that our hearts are with you and I will keep you close to mine.
    BE good to yourself always,