scared, dazed, & confused

SassyAF

My 24 yr. old son found and signed me up on this site today because I'm an emotional mess. Tears come to the surface way too easily for my liking. I'm 48 yrs. oold and had a 2 cmm lump removed 2 wks ago. It was found to be cancerous (IDC)being ER & Her2 positve. Ki-67 & Progesterone unfavorable. Grade 8/9. This is all scaring me so much that my insides have not stopped shakeing in days. I have a whole week before having a sentinal node biopsy done. Have already been told I will be recieving Chemo regardless of node findings. I can't wait that long before hearing something positive especially about the grade. Sorry if I'm using inproper lingo, I'm new at this stuff.
Sharalee

Susan956

I know that it is very scary. I was in your place a little less than a year ago... I was diagnoased with 2.2 cm ER/PR Post & HER-2 positive, with lymph node involvement. I was 48 years old at the time. My doctor, told me that I would have to put many things on hold for about a year... but that I should expect to be healthy again... and she was right.

Since that time I have finished a lumpetomy, another surgery because we didn't get an adequate margin the first time. Chemo 4 A/C (2 weeks apart) and 12 weekly treatments of Taxol & Herceptin. I lost my hair on July 5th 2005. Also did 8 weeks of radiation. I am still taking Herceptin for 1 year. But the Great news is that I am cancer free and I have my energy back. And I pitched my wig. I don't have much hair... but it is mine. I won't tell you that it is an easy trip... But you will learn so much about yourself. I am glad that you have a son that cares for you.

If I can help more let me know. You can email me or just reply back here.

Take Care... God Bless.

Susan.

Future

THERE IS LIFE AFTER CANCER. There is no need to apologize, this is a whole new world for you. I can see one positive for you already. You have a son/family that cares. The unknown/waiting was probabably the hardest part for me. Use this board; another site I found helpful when I was first diagnosed and was waiting for answers was http://www.y-me.org/ : you can call or ask questions over email and they respond quickly. I was 49 and 6 cm tumor with positive lymph nodes when I was diagnosed - it's been almost 3 years now. What was "new" when I started chemo is now considered standard practice of care for my level of tumor and survival rates are improving. You haven't said if you met the medical oncologist yet, make sure someone goes to your medical appointments with you, you get so much information and your stress may be high and we don't always hear things clearly. When I was first diagnosed my biggest fear was my career was over. My surgeon's boss talked with me and told me the one thing he wanted me to remember that day (it was the day I got my biopsy pathology report) was that THERE IS LIFE AFTER CANCER and you can still have a career. He said it when we first sat down, several times as we talked and again as a concluding statement. Know I probably didn't answer your question but remember THERE IS LIFE AFTER CANCER; this is just a new challenge placed in your life and your family and everyone here on the board are here for you.

KathiM

Aw, Sharalee, soo sorry to welcome you to this site (not because you are not welcome, just because it means you have to fight the beast-as I call cancer).

I was diagnosed 8/05, 50 years young, stage II 1.2cm adenocarcinoma, ER positive, Her2 negative/FISH negative, 2 sentinel node involvement. I had just finished fighting colorectal cancer, so I was in NO MOOD to have to fight again.

BUT Fight I did! I am just finished with my chemo (Adriamycin/Cytoxin-lost my hair week 3, Taxol) and am 'resting' before 33 radiation treatments.

OK, NOW Positive!!! Breast cancer, when promptly treated, has a 90+ (sometimes up to 98) percent survival rate. The fact, as was already said, that you have SUCH a STRONG support already means you are not alone...take someone with you to EVERY Doctor visit...cancer seems to make us suriviors sort of selectively hard of hearing (I missed the word, Invasive, for instance).

ANOTHER positive....your son turned you on to us!!!! This is one of the best, most uplifting sites I have found. I got the 2-for-1 special, so I hang out in both this board and the colorectal board (we're CRAZY over there...something to do with having the least popular cancer...hehehehe!). The GREATEST thing is there is a lot of been there-done that. Don't be afraid to ask, share, vent, ANYTHING here (except off color....CSN guy Jose is watching, he is a great protector of us). Also check out the chat rooms...more than just cancer talk...kids, grandkids, dogs, cats, weather, etc at all times of the day and night.
Hugs,
Kathi

LesleyH

I'm sorry you have joined our elite group. We have all been there and understand your situation perfectly. Some of us have different variations of the diagnosis, but the fear is something we all understand.

What helped me was to focus on what I could control. Research has shown that this whole process is helped by exercise so I started exercising from the day I got my diagnosis. After surgery, I could barely walk to the end of the street. During chemo I walked as much as I could. Now, a year later, I easily walk/run 5 miles every day. (I am your age). I also focussed energy on my diet. I threw out all the garbage in my kitchen and started eating a largely plant-based diet. I found Diana Dyer's book and website www.cancerrd.com most helpful. Then I worked on sleep. I had always been an insomniac and this diagnosis meant that I never slept. The lack of sleep made everything worse. During chemo I took Ativan when necessary and since then I take melatonin about twice a week.

Your chance of surviving this is very good. Chemo is designed to kill fast growing cells.

Your lump was not big at all - the grade is more iffy - sometimes more judgement. I try not to think about that. ER+ means that you are a candidate for Tamoxifen or other hormonal treatment. That will reduce your risk further.

One more thing is that I encourage you to start a blog. The very act of writing your feelings really helps.

Please write to me at any time.

Lesley

obabyo

i have had the same feeling the waiting is the worst but although it may not be comforting for you have taking the right step by coming to this site i had my breast removed feb14/06 and it was april 11 when i found out what grade it was it was the strenth that i got from all the prayers that quited my fears. now ihave grade 3 cancer and not able to have hormone treatment so being that i have a family history of heart problems chemo might weaken heart muscle. dont let fear over this cause you worst problems God helps those who help themselves so keep researching your type of cancer and then you deside what your treatment will be ill be thinking of you GOD BLESS

katcam

you are so lucky to have your son sign you up for this site - i am new here and it has already been such a help for me. this is a wonderful, supportive place to come to express yourself - your fears and your joys. i also had to wait over a week for the results of biopsies that i had done last year - it was torture. the waiting was actually worse than finding out. at least once you know, you can plan. and don't ever give up hope. keep coming to this site, too - it has been a real Godsend for me. :-)

jmears

Hi Sharalee - My DX was very similar to yours. I couldn't get past the anxiety and then the hopeless feeling. I felt like I had no control over my life. I went through all the treatment with that fear and feeling so scared and bad. Finally I decided to talk to a counselor and she immediately had my doctor give me an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety pill. I'm not a pill pusher but if I hadn't gotten on that medication I probably would have lost my job, my husband, and my will to fight. You may already know all this ... but if not ... don't be shy ... ask any of the Doctors you see for something to help. Good luck on your treatments and don't hesitate to ask questions here. Something that I found very scary was just not knowing what to expect. I also found that getting hung up on the grades and stats etc is scary. Those numbers are better left to the doctors to decide on your treatment. Hang in there...you can do it!!! Jamie

tlmac

Hey, Sassy, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Three years ago, just before my 54th birthday, I discovered a 2.5 cm ER+ mass in my left breast. A biopsy condirmed it was IDC and I had a hystectomy done on February 6, 2003. Pathology outlined a high grade III (fast growing) cancer. I never actually fell apart but, instead, internalized the fear. Within days I developed ulcerative colitis that was so virulent they did a colonoscopy just to be certain I didn't also have colon cancer. It was one of the most difficult periods of my life but I made it and you will, too. I won't tell you chemo was easy but, for me at least, it wasn't as bad as I'd imagined. I actually came to feel protected by it, like there was an army inside me doing battle. The drugs to combat side effects were wonderful and my biggest complaint was weariness that was progressive the more cycles I took (drink plenty of water and rest often). That, too, passes. Looking back, I wouldn't do anything different, except maybe reach out for support a whole lot sooner, the way you've done. Hopefully you've heard about the new drugs available for ER+ and Her2+ cancers. Discoveries are coming along every day. And, we're all here, as a reminder that you will survive this and discover strengths you never knew you had. You're in my prayers.
terri

tlmac

tlmac said:

Hey, Sassy, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Three years ago, just before my 54th birthday, I discovered a 2.5 cm ER+ mass in my left breast. A biopsy condirmed it was IDC and I had a hystectomy done on February 6, 2003. Pathology outlined a high grade III (fast growing) cancer. I never actually fell apart but, instead, internalized the fear. Within days I developed ulcerative colitis that was so virulent they did a colonoscopy just to be certain I didn't also have colon cancer. It was one of the most difficult periods of my life but I made it and you will, too. I won't tell you chemo was easy but, for me at least, it wasn't as bad as I'd imagined. I actually came to feel protected by it, like there was an army inside me doing battle. The drugs to combat side effects were wonderful and my biggest complaint was weariness that was progressive the more cycles I took (drink plenty of water and rest often). That, too, passes. Looking back, I wouldn't do anything different, except maybe reach out for support a whole lot sooner, the way you've done. Hopefully you've heard about the new drugs available for ER+ and Her2+ cancers. Discoveries are coming along every day. And, we're all here, as a reminder that you will survive this and discover strengths you never knew you had. You're in my prayers.
terri

Just in case you're wondering why I had a hysterectomy to remove a lump in my breast, I didn't! What I ommitted was I had the mastectomy first followed by the hysterectomy. Rough year all around but I'm back to 100% now, all evidence to the contrary. Good luck.
terri

Astrid

I am 47 I finished high dose chemo 5 weeks ago. I completed 6 high dose (282 mg) rounds of Paclitaxel as a standalone chemo drug on a clinical trial. I am now on radiation. I original diagnosis was a 2.2cm lump. The lumpectomy showed it to be 1.8cm. I was ER+, PR+ and HER2+. These are actually all good things because they know how to treat BC if you are +. My tumor was grade 3. Keep in mind that until they actually remove the tumor they do not know all the facts. I want to tell you that I feel great and felt dam good through most of my treatment. I think the key is to keep active. Exercise daily, even on days when you think you can not. Read everything. Knowledge is power. See what you can do for yourself that you believe in that does not effect the quality of your life. I take supplements and have changed my diet according to the books and literature I believe. I consulted my doctor and made sure they knew what I was doing during treatment. You HAVE to keep a positive attitude. This forum is great but I found going to a breast cancer support group really helped me when I was first diagnosed. Some of the women showed me their scars and really opened up. Hang in there you will get past the initial big scare.

LesleyH

tlmac said:

Just in case you're wondering why I had a hysterectomy to remove a lump in my breast, I didn't! What I ommitted was I had the mastectomy first followed by the hysterectomy. Rough year all around but I'm back to 100% now, all evidence to the contrary. Good luck.
terri

Rough year indeed. Wow. You and Kathi remind me not to whine so much.

Hugs.

Lesley

coug90

Dear Sassy,

At 36 I was diagnosed with Stage I Invasive Breast Cancer. Her2/Neu -, Est/Prg -, Grade 3 mitosing at 35%. Luckily, I caught it early and it had not spread to my nodes. Now at 16 months out, after surgery and treatment I am doing okay. I go in for my 3 month checks and find myself holding my breath every time.

It's okay to cry. Being diagnosed with cancer sucks. I remember the shaking; it seems to come from your core. I found that since I couldn't control my body or the cancer, controlling everything else about my treatment and education on the beast (cancer) helped me. It may not seem like much to hang on to right now, but you have some great facts in your favor.

First, you are Her2/Neu+ and ER+ which means some of the new drugs like Herceptin, Tamoxifen, Arimidex or a brand new drug Raloxifene may be able to help you. All of these cut your risk of recurrance by a lot!

Second, it sounds like you have a great son who is going to be a wonderful source of support. Don't turn him away - you'll need every ounce to fight this battle.

Third, you found us. A quirky group of cancer survivors that will walk this long dark road with you. Come into chat; it's a warm place where you can honestly and openly express your fears and hopes knowing that everyone in there KNOWS and can relate. We'll offer encouragement along the way, hope when you are running out, hugs for any reason at all, and laughter when you need it most.

I know it sucks to find that you have to walk this path you never dreamed you'd find yourself on. I know the anger and fear of why me? Although it will not be easy, you will get through it and be stronger on the other side.

Come visit us in chat. We'd love to meet you and become your friend.

Hugs
Sharon (coug90)

KathiM

coug90 said:

Dear Sassy,

At 36 I was diagnosed with Stage I Invasive Breast Cancer. Her2/Neu -, Est/Prg -, Grade 3 mitosing at 35%. Luckily, I caught it early and it had not spread to my nodes. Now at 16 months out, after surgery and treatment I am doing okay. I go in for my 3 month checks and find myself holding my breath every time.

It's okay to cry. Being diagnosed with cancer sucks. I remember the shaking; it seems to come from your core. I found that since I couldn't control my body or the cancer, controlling everything else about my treatment and education on the beast (cancer) helped me. It may not seem like much to hang on to right now, but you have some great facts in your favor.

First, you are Her2/Neu+ and ER+ which means some of the new drugs like Herceptin, Tamoxifen, Arimidex or a brand new drug Raloxifene may be able to help you. All of these cut your risk of recurrance by a lot!

Second, it sounds like you have a great son who is going to be a wonderful source of support. Don't turn him away - you'll need every ounce to fight this battle.

Third, you found us. A quirky group of cancer survivors that will walk this long dark road with you. Come into chat; it's a warm place where you can honestly and openly express your fears and hopes knowing that everyone in there KNOWS and can relate. We'll offer encouragement along the way, hope when you are running out, hugs for any reason at all, and laughter when you need it most.

I know it sucks to find that you have to walk this path you never dreamed you'd find yourself on. I know the anger and fear of why me? Although it will not be easy, you will get through it and be stronger on the other side.

Come visit us in chat. We'd love to meet you and become your friend.

Hugs
Sharon (coug90)

COUGGGGGGGG!
Hugs,
Kathi