the emotional side of Prostate Cancer

TomBk

stuart said:

Tom...I appreciate you message...I'm not sure what to do...This is hard to talk about but my wife does not seem interested in sex with me since I was diagnosed... so the question I have to consider is; do I want to go through the surgery just for the psychological fact that I could have sex even if I don't...Does that make any sense? Also, do you have the desire or is it just mechanical?

Stuart,
Oh no, you still have the desire. You still get horny. Horny is in the brain not in the penis. I needed to feel like I was a man capable of having sex with a woman whether or not I had sex. Don't have the surgery for your wife, do it for yourself. You will have to live with it the rest of your life but your wife may divorce you at some point. Many normal cancer-free men go through divorces. Talk with your doctor about the whole thing and let him show you a model of the implant so you know full well what it involves. If you ask he will give you a video to look at. After that ask him to give you the names and phone numbers of men who have had the implants so you can really ask questions. Men who have poor circulation , and diabetes also have implants, not just us guys.Hope this answers some of your questions.

TomBk

stuart said:

Tom...I appreciate you message...I'm not sure what to do...This is hard to talk about but my wife does not seem interested in sex with me since I was diagnosed... so the question I have to consider is; do I want to go through the surgery just for the psychological fact that I could have sex even if I don't...Does that make any sense? Also, do you have the desire or is it just mechanical?

Stuart,
I forgot to mention that my doctor held a seminar to address many of the questions pertaining to implants and the wives were invited to come as well and afterwards all could ask questions. I remember one guy asked if it would set off the metal detector at the airport and we all had a good belly laugh. The answer was no. Perhaps you could ask your doctor if he does that.

stuart

TomBk said:

Stuart,
I forgot to mention that my doctor held a seminar to address many of the questions pertaining to implants and the wives were invited to come as well and afterwards all could ask questions. I remember one guy asked if it would set off the metal detector at the airport and we all had a good belly laugh. The answer was no. Perhaps you could ask your doctor if he does that.

Tom, again thanks for the information...I will see my doc Feb 1 and he is easy to talk to so I will bring up the issue...

TomBk

stuart said:

Tom, again thanks for the information...I will see my doc Feb 1 and he is easy to talk to so I will bring up the issue...

Stuart,
That is great! Make the decision that is right for you not what others tell you to do. Get all the facts and decide what you can live with and what you can not live with and go from there. I wish you well, man.

Ronniej

Talk about emotions. The woman I thought was real and true, use my cancer to get me to sell my home and move with her and her family for support and when I would not give control of the money, she kicked me and my Granddaugher out and said the she hopes the cancer kills me. I have done a very stupid thing at the worse time of my life. Is there an attorney out there any where that I can talk to or I may just not make it through this. She deceived and used me and my family for over 30,000 dollars. Told me I was an impotent **** and no one would ever want me. Some please help before I lose control.

TomBk

Ronniej said:

Talk about emotions. The woman I thought was real and true, use my cancer to get me to sell my home and move with her and her family for support and when I would not give control of the money, she kicked me and my Granddaugher out and said the she hopes the cancer kills me. I have done a very stupid thing at the worse time of my life. Is there an attorney out there any where that I can talk to or I may just not make it through this. She deceived and used me and my family for over 30,000 dollars. Told me I was an impotent **** and no one would ever want me. Some please help before I lose control.

Ronnie,
oh man! i am so sorry I did not see this sooner. Are you alright now? Have you gotten an attorney? Get one right away and don't waste a second!

Some women make me want to cuss I swear! you may have impotence but that can be cured. I had it bad and now i can have as much sex as I want. The same can happen for you. no kidding! You made a mistake but I think it can be fixed but you need to get an good attorney ASAP! Have you talked to the district attorney? he may be able to help you. You lived with her right? not married?
Talk to me please. Perhaps we can navigate through this together, huh? How are things going for you now? Don't give up okay? It can get better and someone will want you. don't believe the witch.

Tasch

KMiyoko said:

My husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer in June of 2005. His PSA was 6.55 and his gleason was 3+3(6). He had the Da Vinci Robotic Laproscopic Surgery at the City of Hope in Duarte California on August 22nd 2005. He has talked to a number of men that need to talk to a prostate cancer survivor about having the robotic surgery. So, contact me if anyone would like to talk to someone who has actually gone through the surgery. If you want to know what to expect before and after the surgery from a guys point of view.

Miyoko,

I am scheduled for robotic prostatectomy on Oct 2-less than 2 weks away.
I would greatly appreciate it if I could speak with or email your husband.
The emotional toll this has taken on me/my wife and my young children has been total hell.
My email address is tom_ascher@yahoo.com.
Any information your husband can share would be greatly apreciated.
Thank you so much.
Tom

alleyoop

jweindel said:

Tom,

I don't think any of us have come up with any pat solutions to the kinds of problems you bring up. Some of the guys who are having problems with anxiety and depression have found some relief in discussing their issues with others who have been through it. Looking for support and encouragement from family and friends is a big help. Often, just being able to talk about the issues that are causing the emotional problems, and finding out that there is some kind of normal life on the other side of all this helps.

Also, some guys get into treatment and are able to make some headway there. Again, I don't think any of us that I've talked with certainly have all the answers for you. Being single makes things even more difficult, I presume. I would seek out a good support group that you can interact with. Even if the group is hesitant about discussing emotional issues in group meetings, you may find some individuals with whom you can share your concerns and from whom you can get some positive feedback.

Jerry

emotions

I know that I was raised that men didnt have emotions. So we just grab our boots and continue on. Like the other men here its "being a man", but we do have them and now what do we do now?

alleyoop

TomBk said:

Stuart,
I forgot to mention that my doctor held a seminar to address many of the questions pertaining to implants and the wives were invited to come as well and afterwards all could ask questions. I remember one guy asked if it would set off the metal detector at the airport and we all had a good belly laugh. The answer was no. Perhaps you could ask your doctor if he does that.

sex after surgery

I am now 2and 1/2 yrs out, it took work to get things going again dont get upset it can take yrs. Seems Im a bit smaller but "alive" good thing is Im not 21. We need to enjoy every day as a blessing, some times with the after effects of cancer its rough to believe that. When first told I had cancer my test results were not good thus maybe 3 good yrs to live. Thank GOD I had surgery and now psa is 0.000 only HE knows. So lets help other men know your still a man thur this and after it also.