Husband going for surgery next week

3greatkids

Hi there; I am new to this group so please excuse me if I have posted this wrong. My husband, age 40 was diagnosed in Sept. 05 with stage 3 colorectal cancer after being told for over a year that he had colitis. We received the news from the doctor when I went to pick him up from his colonoscopy with my 3 young kids with me, the doctor simply said "we found a large mass, I am almost positive it is cancer". As you can all imagine we were completely unprepared and devastated. He went through 5 weeks radiation and chemo (injected 24hrs day). Now he is going for surgery on Jan. 4 and we do not know what to expect. Anyone out there who can tell us how he may expect to feel after surgery, or if there is anyone out there who can give us some positive feed back after having stage 3 cancer would sure be nice to hear from right about now. Anyhow thank you for reading this and god bless you all.

tkd3g

Hi there. So sorry that you have to be here, but oh, what a wonderful place to be, if you need to.

I am a 1.5 year stage 3 rectal cancer survivior. I too had the 6 weeks chemo radiation, surgery, then followed up with 6 or so months of more chemo. It's a tough road, but there is a fantastic life over the mountain. I never thought I'd feel good again. But, here I sit doing pretty well. Not back to "normal", but I'm really happy.

I can tell you about my experience, but remember, everyone is a bit different, even with the same treatments. It depends on how your body tolerates the treatments, your physical health before treatment, your mental health and attitude.

I had a very great chance of having a permanent colostomy after my surgery. ( as the tumor was very low in the rectum ) Turned out I didn't need one. My recovery was slow but steady.

We can give you tips on recovery and bathroom stuff.

Believe it or not, I think the toughest part of this whole journey, was going into instant menopause at 42. I'm still trying to deal with all those side effects.

General advice: After surgery, walk as soon as you can and as often as you can. It will help get your bowels moving and get him out of the hospital faster.

Drink lots of water. Flushes out many many toxins.

Try and eat wholesome foods when you able ( after surgery) The food in the hospital can kill ya

For the surgery, get an epidural not morphine! A spinal epidural will keep you "with it" and take away the pain. Which in turn will help you heal faster.

( this may be "anal" but, I took those disinfectant wipes to the hospital. No matter what pain I was in, I wiped down that seat. There are lots of germs in there. ( the hand sanitizer by his bed is a great idea too)

After surgery, rest when you need to, but walk as much as you can.

Things for the home:

A soft toilet seat ( if you don't already have one)

A and D ointment for his sore bottom.

pants with elastic waist bands. for healing.

I'm sure there are a ton more ideas the others will add.

If you and your hubby can keep a positive outlook, it will help tremendously.

On another note, make sure you take time for yourself. It's very difficult being a care giver.

I have 3 school aged girls. 7,14 and 17. My husband and I always tried to keep it light around them. We called chemo "bug juice" and made numerous butt and bathroom jokes at my expense!! We laughed all the time. ( funny, I remember my best friend coming in to visit me in the ICU step down unit. She had me laughing so hard I felt like I was going to pop my staples!!)

I hope you can take something from this long winded post.

Please ask anything. We are here to help your husband AND you!!

Barb

ron50

Hi,
It will take a while to sort things out with surgery and staging and sorting out future treatment. Take it as it happens and deal with it then . We are too individual that what works for one ,works for all. The best advice i can give you is to tell you that I was diagnosed st3 with 6 bad nodes at age 48 , that was 8 years ago and I have been cancer free ever since ,my hopes and best wishes are with your husband ,you and your family ,if you have any questions feel free to ask, there are heaps of helpful folk on this site ,cheers Ron.

markatger

Hi,

Sorry to hear about you husbands diagnosis. I was diagnosed this past Feb. Had surgery for rectal cancer in Sept after doing some chemo and radiation.

I wanted to add the suggestion to be very careful for 1-2 months after surgery as to what your husband eats. I wound back in the hospital twice after surgery with some sort of blockage. I don't know if it was slow moving bowels that were stunned by the surgery or adhesions. I seem to be completely better now and able to eat anything. But for that first month and half, eat small meals more frequently instead of big ones. And it might be advisable to watch the fiber intake.

Run this by a doc of course, but I think its best to give your guts an easy time post surgery without overloading it with hard to digest foods.

I wish I had been more careful - might have avoided being re-hospitalized - which was not fun at all.

Best Wishes
Maria

Betsydoglover

Hi. Too bad you have to join us, but this is a great group.

Surgery is different for everyone and in addition it depends on where in the colon the tumor is located. Mine was in the sigmoid colon - located such that I could have laparoscopic surgery and no colostomy. Not a piece of cake, but also not so bad. The advice to walk is excellent although in the first couple of weeks post surgery I found it difficult to do. I live at the end of a 5 house street which is also a small hill. The first few days home I would walk halfway down the street and back and was apalled by feeling out of breath. But that began to change pretty rapidly.

The surgery had two major effects on me which lasted about 8 weeks. #1 I was very tired - slept late and napped. I returned to work after 4 weeks but was still abnormally tired for another 4. #2 I had almost no appetite - it really took close to 3 months for that to return to normal. I tried to eat small snacks and whatever tasted good without worrying too much about nutrition those first few weeks. A few bites at a meal and I was full. My husband and I went out to dinner a few times and I felt like apologizing to the waiter/waitress for eating so little!

I totally agree with whomever said to get an epidural - talk to the surgeon if it has not already been mentioned. It's not a miracle but it really helps with the pain the first couple of days and is sure better than being drugged out.

I think no matter where the tumor is located, it takes a while for bowels to return to normal. Mix of constipation, diarrhea, unusual colored bowel movements, but that does get better.

In my last visit to my surgeon (around 6 weeks post surgery) I told him I was feeling good, but still could tell that I had had surgery. When, I asked, would the surgery really seem like a thing of the past? He told me that surgeons always say that you are healed in 6 weeks but that complete recovery really takes closer to 3 months. Sure enough, by early September (my surgery was 6/7) the only thing reminding me of the surgery were the scars.

I wish you luck and will be thinking of you both on January 4.

Betsy

wendy_21

I, too, was diagnosed with Stage III simoid colon cancer in September (2 nodes positive). I was able to have laproscopic surgery which wasn't too bad -- but no piece of cake either. I agree that walking as soon and as much helps. Also push the fluids. Lots and lots of water to remove toxins AND keep things flowing out of the body to avoid urinary track infections while hospitalized. I'm 43 with 3 kids and my diagnosis was a total shock because I felt fine and am very active. I was off work completely for 4 weeks and then worked about 1/2 days. Once chemo started I found I had to miss work the day of chemo plus 2 days after ward and then could work the remaining 7 days of the 2 weeks cycle (at least so far). My big side effect was being totally worn out! I got tired just getting up in the morning. It's been 2 months since the surgery for the colon and then another month since the surgery for the port and I've made it through 2 rounds of chemo so far!
I found that this is a great place to get information. Also, check out books on nutrition for cancer patients and ASK YOUR DOCTOR EVERYTHING you want to know.
Best wishes and keep us posted on how your husband is.

nixie33

Sorry that you are here but be sure thet there will be better days ahead. I too was diagnosed about the same time as your husband with stage 3. I had my surgey Sept 27th for a large mass in my large intestine and a small one in my small colon. everyone is different but I was out of the hospital in 5 days. The first week was rough but it has been good so far. I started chemo on FOLFOX with avastin and I will get my 4th treatment next week. I am 55 yrs old and had been in good health except for arthritis. I had no idea I was sick! Give your husband all the love and support you can. Take care of yourself also because youn are the lifeline of your family right now. Believe in your faith and you will get through this difficult time. May GOD BLESS!

glimmerofhope

I went to a Christmas Tournament high school basketball game tonight. I remembered being at this tournament 3 years ago after I had just been told that I had stage IV colon cancer that had spread to my liver (and lungs too, I just didn't know it). The colon specialist told me my tumor in my liver was inoperable and that I had maybe 2 years to live. It was a very low point in my life.

I had 10" of my colon removed and then 6 weeks later, after getting a second opinion from a liver specialist at Duke, I had literally 1/2 of my liver cut out. Since then I have taken most kinds of chemo and have had many complications that put me in the hospital. Also, I have had thoroscopic surgery to BOTH my lungs and the little cancer devils just keep coming back....

OK, not too rosy a picture thus far, but.... I feel almost normal most of the time now and can still run a mile in less than 8 minutes and beat the best player on the undefeated rec league 15 year old basketball team I coach...

I mention this, because I have two teenagers and I fully remember what it is like to be in your husband's shoes at this juncture.

It's very unfortunate to get this stuff at such and early age, but being so young, he can take a lot of abuse (if necessary) and still come back strong! I have not beaten this stuff (yet), but I have had many more good days than I expected, regardless of what happens next.

I am going on a cruise to Belize next month and plan to go skiing at Park City, Utah as well in February.

3 years ago, I never dreamed I would even still be around at this time, much less be able to do anything physical.

I recommend getting plenty of exercise, even running if he can... this will improve him physically (and perhaps more importantly) mentally.

He can get through this.

kangatoo

glimmerofhope said:

I went to a Christmas Tournament high school basketball game tonight. I remembered being at this tournament 3 years ago after I had just been told that I had stage IV colon cancer that had spread to my liver (and lungs too, I just didn't know it). The colon specialist told me my tumor in my liver was inoperable and that I had maybe 2 years to live. It was a very low point in my life.

I had 10" of my colon removed and then 6 weeks later, after getting a second opinion from a liver specialist at Duke, I had literally 1/2 of my liver cut out. Since then I have taken most kinds of chemo and have had many complications that put me in the hospital. Also, I have had thoroscopic surgery to BOTH my lungs and the little cancer devils just keep coming back....

OK, not too rosy a picture thus far, but.... I feel almost normal most of the time now and can still run a mile in less than 8 minutes and beat the best player on the undefeated rec league 15 year old basketball team I coach...

I mention this, because I have two teenagers and I fully remember what it is like to be in your husband's shoes at this juncture.

It's very unfortunate to get this stuff at such and early age, but being so young, he can take a lot of abuse (if necessary) and still come back strong! I have not beaten this stuff (yet), but I have had many more good days than I expected, regardless of what happens next.

I am going on a cruise to Belize next month and plan to go skiing at Park City, Utah as well in February.

3 years ago, I never dreamed I would even still be around at this time, much less be able to do anything physical.

I recommend getting plenty of exercise, even running if he can... this will improve him physically (and perhaps more importantly) mentally.

He can get through this.

Hiya..well, there are some pretty detailed replies here and that is pretty much what you can expect from these great folks. I was dx'd in aug. 2003 with stage 2, had surgery then 6 months chemo. I am now NED(no evidence disease) and feeling pretty good....but it takes time...a lot of patience...and an enormous amount of support..lots too from these guys n gals here..bless them. I would like to touch on the emotional side of this crappy disease.Now that effects not only your hubby but you and your kids.
I freely admit that there were times when I was downright angry, pissed off(excuse me pls) and times when I was a real pain in the butt(pun intended...lol!)
Ok...so here is some well meant advice. As we all react differently, not only to surgery and chemo/radiation the mind really does play games and life in general can really get us down and rightly so. What needs to happen as a carer and spouse it basically that you cut him some slack at times and try to understand the real meaning of being told that he has cancer. I am not saying that you do not care or do not understand the implications I am merely saying that this hits you both as well as your kids and the whole process of going thru surgery is going to be traumatic for you all......but most of all your hubby's probably going to be worrying...yes..for himself..BUT...very much so for you and the kids. That was my worst fear...worrying about the effects on my lovely wife,Jen..and my kids.
In effect your hubby is going to need every single ounce of support you can muster, which I am very sure you will give.
But very importantly his anger/fear "may" have him change character to what you are used to...I did say "may". Be aware that the physical things he has to endure with what has already been forced on him are traumatic /tiring physically..and..mentally.
Hey...I wasn't a bad person to live with during all this horrid stuff...but occassionally I went off the rails emotionally...it happens.
And guess what...my dear Jen and kids did their best to understand the way I felt....we all got thru it and so can you.
This might not have answered your questions but might help you to cope with some emotional times. Hopefully they will be few. Our very best and keep us up to date........Ross and Jen

spongebob

3GK -

Not much to add to what my learned colleagues have already told you.

I would say that your husband may be "testy" for a while - it's normal and it's not a reflection on you or the kids. It is difficult to deal with it when your body "betrays" you the way his did. All I can offer is tat it's probably a guy thing. Be sure to treat yourself and the kids at times. You will be spending a lot of emotional capital and you will need to get it back in some form. A spa day or just a movie out is a good way to knock the edge off and "escape" for a while.

Be well, take care of yourselves. Keeping you and your family in my prayers.

- SpongeBob

JohnWest

My webpage at http://homepage.ntlworld.com/jmwest/ileo.htm gives a lot of information about living with an ileostomy, and now fighting colorectal cancer following surgery and chemotherapy.

John West