re: My friend with cancer is doing better than I am

musiclover Member Posts: 242
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Maybe this is not the right group to post this but everyone has been so helpful and I've learned so much from visiting. My friend with rectal cancer is nearing the end of his 5 weeks of chemo/radiation. He's just in the last week started to take pain meds (Vicadin) mostly due to the burning sensation from the radiation. He's very tired, painful and facing this like a champ. I, on the other hand, am a basket case. This is not just a friend but an ex that was always there for me when I needed him. Now I feel helpless in trying to help him. I have done a lot - found a great surgeon that does a less invasive surgery (TME) and flew him to NY from L.A. for a second opinion. I've been to several doctor appointments, discussed treatments with them, done huge research and discovered Xeloda on my own which has been a great thing. Still, I'm just beside myself with worry and can't make it stop. I carry a lot of guilt for his condition since our breakup was devastating for him. He went into a deep depression which I don't think he ever fully recovered from. I don't really have a question, just putting my feelings out there in case someone has some insight.


  • taraHK
    taraHK Member Posts: 1,952 Member
    I don't have any great insight. Cancer affects not only the one who gets it, but all his or her loved ones. It sounds like you have been a wonderful and supportive friend during this tough time. Please try not to feel guilty. It does sound like you are going through a tough time. I wonder if it might be useful for you to talk with a counsellor or therapist? I did this, at various stages, and found it very useful. By the way, I remember very well the painful burning sensations associated with radiation for my rectal cancer. I think this was the worst of all the unpleasant experiences I have had. Don't know if that will be of any consolation to your friend!
  • ron50
    ron50 Member Posts: 1,723 Member
    You can carry whatever guilt you like for the breakup of a relationship,BUT you are not responsible for someone getting cancer that rests with a higher office (and I don't mean GOD I mean life). Be supportive ,be caring but don't be responsible , cancer happens and we have to learn to deal with it,Best of luck to you and your ex Ron.
  • BusterBrown
    BusterBrown Member Posts: 221 Member
    We should all be so lucky to have an ex like you...Keep up the good work, and like Ron said "you are not responsible for someone getting cancer that rests with a higher office (and I don't mean GOD I mean life)."