Patricia - First time post

JMPJCK

Cancer and death have left me alone and isolated. The emergency surgery/diagnosis was in March of 2002. Stage 3 colon and uterin cancer. They did a colonectomy and complete hysterectomy. Ten months later my husband died unexpectedly while I was going through chemotherapy. My church "family" has not been there for me which not only leaves me totally isolated but breaks my heart in to pieces. When I am totally physically exhausted I sometimes want to sleep and not have to face another day of isolation. I have been trying to make the needed repairs to our home that was built in 1947. There is just so much that needs to be done. I have developed type 2 diabetes because of all the stress and isolation which has caused me to become overweight. A few months after the death of my husband my left leg went out on me and left me with all the bones broken in my left ankle. The ambulance took me to the hospital where they did emergency surgery to put in a couple of metal plates and screws to hold what was left of the ankle together. I have now been alone for three years. I am in the process of getting the social security widows benefits set up. I have been able to continue some gardening and I have some of the house painted. My personal home site is http://mypeoplepc.com/members/jspr007/patricia/ for those interested in further information. I am heading for bed and much needed rest. That shoulc help.

alihamilton

Hi Patricia...sorry you have not yet had a response but weekends seem to be quiet when it comes to posting. Firstly, I glad you have come to this forum....you have been through SO much. I have looked at your other sites and see you have had even more challenges than you posted here. You have obviously been amazingly brave in dealing with everything and it is no wonder you are exhausted. It is disappointing to say the least when people you hope will support you do not do so , but some people cannot seem to deal with other's grief and distance themselves. Are there any support groups in your area? Do you have any specila friend on whom you can rely? We can do whatever we can here to encourage you of course and I hope you will come back whenever you feel the need to.

Do take care of yourself and do not over do things with the house repairs. Gardening, on the other hand, can be quite therapeutic.

All the best,

Ali

rthornton

alihamilton said:

Hi Patricia...sorry you have not yet had a response but weekends seem to be quiet when it comes to posting. Firstly, I glad you have come to this forum....you have been through SO much. I have looked at your other sites and see you have had even more challenges than you posted here. You have obviously been amazingly brave in dealing with everything and it is no wonder you are exhausted. It is disappointing to say the least when people you hope will support you do not do so , but some people cannot seem to deal with other's grief and distance themselves. Are there any support groups in your area? Do you have any specila friend on whom you can rely? We can do whatever we can here to encourage you of course and I hope you will come back whenever you feel the need to.

Do take care of yourself and do not over do things with the house repairs. Gardening, on the other hand, can be quite therapeutic.

All the best,

Ali

Yes, it is difficult when people that you think will be there for you ... aren't. This has happened to me a couple of times since diagnosis, but sometimes these people come back. They only don't know how to respond. Maybe your church friends will eventually come thru for you. Until then, as Ali says, you can come here and vent your frustrations, ask for information, offer support and info to others. It's really a wonderful site we have here. Welcome to the community.

Rodney

kangatoo

rthornton said:

Yes, it is difficult when people that you think will be there for you ... aren't. This has happened to me a couple of times since diagnosis, but sometimes these people come back. They only don't know how to respond. Maybe your church friends will eventually come thru for you. Until then, as Ali says, you can come here and vent your frustrations, ask for information, offer support and info to others. It's really a wonderful site we have here. Welcome to the community.

Rodney

Hullo from oz, Patricia. On reading your web page it seems that you have certainly had a rough time of it. Your postop pain I can without a doubt understand how terribly in pain you were. I had an epidural and by my sugeons words I was "the 1 in 1000" that the epidural did not work. I came out of surgery, into the ICU screaming my head off. I now know what it is like to have someone stab you with a knife. It took over 6 hours to stabilze me. Why it happens, I do not know but I guess some of us find out the hard way. It haunts me to this day..bad sleep, nightmares etc. Time has improved things and sleep comes easier now but I try to put the memories of that experience away and concentrate on better times.
I agree with Rodney and Ali...seek out as much help you can get. Personally, I saw a cancer clinic phsyclogist to help me get thru my anger and frustrations......that helped enormously. As for your other problems with the house I guess that times are hard but hopefully things will improve for you. I am sorry to hear of you losing your hubby. You really have had a double wammy Patricia. Concentrate on the most important thing..your health. You will need that to overcome all else.
Welcome to our group, don't overdo things..easy to say, I know.
huggs from oz, kanga n Jen

2bhealed

Hi Patricia,

Geez Louise you have had a rough go. I hope the worst is over and you are on the road to recovery.

I am sorry you feel so alone and isolated. No kids? Family of any kind? No siblings? No one?

People get funny at a cancer dx. It really weeds out the bad ones. But that is a good thing. We do not need toxic people in our lives when we are trying to heal. So maybe the church family is as dysfunctional as the rest of the families in the world. But thankfully Jesus will never leave you nor forsake you. Amen.

I echo kanga's advice to seek counseling to help you out of the isolation. It is usually a matter of taking the steps to walk out of isolation. Support groups and counseling can be springboard to a new life and new friends...ones who "get it" and who can feel true compassion and empathy for your plight.

I hope you take some steps and if you do please let us know. Once you come here to these boards you're connected and we like to know how our gang is doing no matter what.

My favorite verse after my dx was:

"'I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the Lord." Jeremiah 17:30

peace, emily