Newlywed, newly diagnosed w/Cervical cancer

jenaragon

The past week has been life altering. I discovered I had a tumor on my cervix on a friday. Had an appt w/the oncologist on Monday, and had surgery the following Friday. (A biopsy & Cystoscopy). Oncologist called today with results...not good. The cancer has spread to my lymphatics, which is what I didn't want to hear. I'm scared, angry, worried, confused, and a dozen other emotions are running through my head. I married in April, have 2 children from a previous marriage, and 3 step children. We wanted to have one together, but those dreams are shot now too. I have many friends and family that are so supportive. They bring dinners, flowers, cards, and frequent phone calls to check on me. But there's something missing. Why do I feel all alone? Do they really know what I feel inside? Do they really understand how I view my life now? I joined this forum to hopefully find someone who has a similar situation. Someone who can really understand what I am going through. Someone to lean on. Someone to listen. Someone to inspire me. I wait for that someone.

tallydega

Jen, I know how scary this can be for you. I felt the same way. Everyone was supportive for me, but I too was missing something. I tried to hide the fact that I had cancer from my children and tried to make it seem like it was nothing, but deep down it absolutely consumed me. I was diagnosed twice with it. First time they did a modified radical hysterectomy. I was told I would be a 100% cured with this surgery, then 8 months later it was back. Funny thing about this, I somehow I knew that it would be back. Unfortunately, I was correct. I still have not been able to talk frankly with my husband..I think he is just as frieghtened as I am. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live a life of misery with the fear of it rearing its ugly head again. On October 13th, I go for my 6 month check after the radiation treatment. This time they won't even give me a clue if they got rid of it or not. I'm concerned yes, but I'm trying to press forward and to live my life to its fullest. I know eventually, this may get the best of me but I can no longer sit and dwell on it. The 2nd time the docs almost missed the diagnosis and I wasn't notified until 5 weeks later. I could have been a lot worse off but I feel that someone was watching over me. The worse thing about 1st being diagnosed is the unknown and the waiting game. My thoughts were that gosh I have cancer, and it takes a week for this test and two weeks for this biopsy, then you have to wait 6 weeks for the surgery. Doctors need to understand that waiting for treatment is more stressful then just doing it and getting it over with. When I was diagnosed the first time, by the time they did two biopsies and the surgery, it turned into a 4 month span from beginning to end. The 2nd time was a 6 month span and that entailed 1 biopsy, 1 surgery, 5 weeks of externa radiation and 3 weeks of internal radiation once a week. Anyway, I am crossing my fingers for tomorrow and hope I get good results. I really feel for you. I know you are starting a new life, with a new family. It feels like a let down being diagnosed but one of things I found that was a big help on relieving my anxiety is to talk about your fears with a friend, be it husband, child, sister, brother...whoever is close to you and who will listen to you. Someone who you can rely on to not judge you but to sincerely be there when you need them. Even though I am very close to my husband, emotionally I found that he could not handle it because he was worried that he would loose me so I figured one of us had to somehow keep our family going, so I did not involve him in my feelings. Yes, I did let him know about treatment plans etc.. but I could not involve him emotionally. Anyway, it is late, need to get to bed. I'm going to South Dakota to pick my daughter up from college after my appt. I haven't seen her for a couple of months so I am really excited. But if you want to talk..please email me, if not, I understand and I hope everthing goes well.

nkern

Hi Jen. I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in March of 2003. I had been divorced for over a year from a man who did not want to have children.( I had one child when I was 17 but wanted more.) I met Patrick and fell madly in love 6 months before being diagnosed. He went to the appt. with me when they told me that I would not be able to have more children. I knew that he wanted more kids too. The doctor saw my face and said, we could try to make it work but I don't think the odds are very good. I decided that I should make the "right choice" and do the treatment that guaranteed that I would be around for my existing child. It was so hard. I finally had love, and was so excited to have a happy pregnancy with a supportive partner and it was stolen from me. It is still hard at times. All of my friends are having babies. I keep reminding myself that I am alive for the child that I have and I do get to grow old with the love of my life. Will there always be something missing...yes, but I believe this could have turned out so much worse. If you need to talk please respond here or to my email on this site. I will always listen and will try to understand.

RedOrchid

Jen,

I don't know if this message will come too late or help in anyway. I too have cervical cancer diagnosed 3-05 and I'm only 21, I have no children. I DO have a great oncologist, who is offering me a new treatment. Radical trachelectomy. It's the removal of the cervix, leaving the uterus intact, this means YOU CAN STILL HAVE CHILDREN!!! I undergo this procedure on Nov 10th. Maybe you can ask your onco if you're a good candidate for it if anyone in your area does it. I wish you all the luck there is and a speedy recovery....
Stay strong and fight hard.
Lynz

lifestooshort

Hi I am a 32 year old that just went through a radical hysto. Everything you guys have said has made me break down. As much as i try to ignore the obvious its not working. I have been cut poked at torn apart and yet still fed up sick of it all ans still feel as though nothing has completed me, as to is this gona come back or has it already. Ya see i had the cone i had the hysterectomy but yet i never have had cemo oe radiation from what i have read and studied should they not be doing this. Its been 6 months since surgey and i am sooo tired all the time no energy and major cramps like my period for couple months now.I had invasive aggressive cancer and was told that i could hold pff on the hysterectomy for 4 months and could not get pregnant during this time or they'd end the pregnancy and hope the cancer don't come back. Then i got a phone call that said it was in my best interest to do the hysterectomy and was booked within 2 wks. Not much time to think or what not confused scared upset very depressed i did it. Now not sure whats wrong with me or if i did the right thing was sent to a cancer specualist in another hospital who said should be fine with hysterectomy and thats it somhow i think he's full of .... and my gyno well she new how to do the hysto and the cone said she do a good job yet she couldn't answer too many other questions related to cancer. My family doctor believes i should be set up with radiation and cimo sooo confused have they thought what if they left blood particles in or if you mess with full blown cancer if its aggressive it might fight back with a vengence or why have all u gone through treatment and i not how come i have not had x rays to make sure where it came from origionally or if it may be somewhere else too or if its came back. I have never felt so let down by doctors so free to act like its no big deal and not be more understanding and take sweet time what do i do i read articles that tell me followed by hysto that you have other treatment and that usually you have 5 years to live after this type of cancer soo many things to read and not sure who to talk to. I am a single mom can't work feel so crappy all the time but yet not sure if i can still apply for disability to help pay for children as i was told could not getit for cancer especually after the surgery is over never felt so alful or all alone please help me i am so sick of feeling tired usless and in pain still is there specual doctors that can help better