I am mad at this "Dragon"

JulieMarie1975 Member Posts: 5
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Hi guys,
I need to let a few things out.
I am upset tonight, very upset, because I am thinking of all the Mothers', Fathers, Brother, Sisters, daugthers, sons, friends etc... that we are loosing to this horrible dragon called "Cancer". When are we going to find a cure, this deasease has been around forever, there as to be something out there to cure Cancer, I just think they don't want us to know about it...Any of you feel this way? Just think for a second of all the money that is giving for cancer research, where is all that money going, there is still no cure, so I would like to know where the millions of dollars have been invested? Ya Ok, there is chemo and pills, but never is that worth that amoutn of money...I think someone is playing a good joke on us.

My dad had Colon Cancer in 2004 and now it's in his liver, he's not a candidate for surgery cause his heart isn't strong enough, so he will be having a procedure called RFA, I pray to god that this will work cause he's one on the greatest people on this earth and I am not just saying that cause he's my dad. To this day, I can't figure out why "he" got cancer and not someone that goes around killing people or rapping little children, I just think life is so unfair sometimes.

I am sick of living every day witht he though of cancer in my mind - Cancer is running my life...I guess that's what it wants to do.
I have a three year old little girl who loves her grandfather more then anything in this world, she just adores him and he adores her, what will I tell her someday if God takes him away from us..."Cancer took your Grandfather" that is so unfair for a kid, why take people away from us that mean so much and have never did anything bad...Our life was PERFECT before this dragon came along and started his fire. When I have a really nice day, at night before I go to sleep I still think of what's happening to my dad and all of you and it makes me sick to my stomach. I keep asking myself why why WHY! but I will never get an answer.
I am sooooo strong in front of my dad, you would never suspect anything, I try to be so supportive for him. He's the strongest man I know and I am soooooo proud to be his daughter. I wouldn't change my dad for anything.

Sorry for this post, but I am just really frustrated at this Dragon tonight!!!

You are all in my prayers.


  • tkd3g
    tkd3g Member Posts: 767
    Hi Julie,

    So sorry for what you and your dad ( and family) are going through. It just plain out sucks. That is a given.

    Don't apologize for venting. It's normal, healthy, and that's why we are here.

    I was diagnosed with Rectal CA in March 2004. Did my chemoradiation, surgery then 6 more months of chemo.

    I wondered why I was chosen to take this path. I have no answers. Sometimes I think I had cancer so that I might help my best friend get thru it, if she is unfortunate enough to get it. ( she has had a life long fear of dying of cancer). Could that be why? Am I a stronger person than she? Who knows?

    What I do know, is life isn't fair. We get tons of curve balls, and just hope we don't get beaned by one.( sorry, I'm watching the Yankees getting beat by the Angels :(

    Well, I've been beaned twice. My 14yr. old little girl is very severely handicapped ( mentally and physically) because of a DPT shot, when she was 9 months old. Why did this happen to her? What did she ever do to deserve such a life?

    What I've learned is to accept what life has given to us. Strive to be the best person you can be. Teach your children about adversity, and hope and love and compassion. I believe my 2 other beautiful girls are better people having seen the struggles their sister endures every day.

    No one likes cancer. Everyone hates it. I hate what it has done to my body. But, so far, I'm ok. And that is a reason to celebrate the life I have. Right now, right here.

    I know it is so hard to find a bright spot when you and dad are going thru so much. Life is a cycle. It is ok to be mad. Just try not to let it run your life. YOU are in control of your life. I know this is a big one. Cancer kind of just spits in your face. When you are ready...you'll just spit back.

    Give it time. Love your dad. Love your little girl. Love yourself.

    They say about cancer, that it teaches people not to take life for granted. To live each day to the fullest. Try ( and I know this isn't easy ) not to live your days with hate, fear or anguish.

    I hope you feel a little better. Remember, your dad is here now. And very well may be here for a long time to come. Savor that. I do, each and every day.

    My love to you and your dad.

  • 2bhealed
    2bhealed Member Posts: 2,064 Member

    Of course there are cures out there. The mega pharmaceuticals keep trying to squash the healers out there. But if you limit yourself to what allopathic (western medicine) doctors have to offer then you are limiting your choices to hook onto the cure that will work for you father.

    I decided against the chemo. I went the Eastern route instead and used diet as my foundation for healing my Stage 3 colon cancer. I did Traditional Chinese Medicine, acupuncture, massage, yoga, prayer (I'm a Jesus Freak anyway so prayer was a given), and I JUICED every single day and took many supplements.

    My sister was slayed by the Dragon when she was only 33 and had just had a baby (5 months old). So I have been on both sides of the fence here. Not a single family member has ever survived chemo or cured their cancer so I knew it was up to me to strike out on a different course.

    Four years later I continue to remain cancer free. My oncologist is SOOOOOO excited. He only wanted to hear about my juicing at my last visit this past monday. He KNOWS it's working.

    So anyway......peruse your Alternative Medicine aisle at Barnes and Noble and open your world to a whole slew of cancer cures that have worked.

    I personally just added The Gerson Therapy to my home cancer-curing library. he is the Granddaddy of Juicing. his daughter continues in his work. He was a doctor from Germany that found many success with a strict diet consisting of juicing and no animal products whatsoever. But it takes work. And many people would rather take a pill and hope it works than do the work it takes. Just ask any lung cancer survivor who is still smoking or any colon cancer survivor who is still eating sugar or drinking diet pop.

    But one must have an open mind and a willingness to take control of his/her health.

    If you want some good books to read just ask. there are also many web sites for info on Alternative Medicine or Complementary Medicine.

    A good place to start in learning about the Chemo industry is QUESTIONING CHEMO by Dr. Ralph Moss. And it is that.....an industry. Dollars are bottom line. Not lives. If it were then aspartame would never have been allowed into our food, but you can ask Donald Rumsfeld about that......follow the money......


    peace, emily who reads about cures all the time and is wondering why more people aren't trying them!!!!
  • Moesimo
    Moesimo Member Posts: 1,072 Member

    You have every right to be angry. We all do. We have been dealt a bad hand and have to deal with it. But don't let the anger take over your life. Be there to support your dad as you are doing. Hopefully the RFA will work.

    I have been a nurse for many years and have often wondered how some people were able to handle such badness in there life. I have found out through my own experiences. When I had a 23 month old and a 5 year old, who had just started kindergarten, I delivered a premature baby that was only 24 weeks gestation and weighed less than 2 pounds. He spent almost 8 mos. in a NICU. I visited every day except for 5 days. I went back to work 24 hours per week when he was 4 weeks old. He had a roller coaster of a ride with many set backs and finally came home when he was 8 months old and weighed 6 pounds. On his nine month BD he unexpectedly died and I had to do CPR. I never thought I would get over that. I had no risk factors to have a premature baby and had delivered 2 previous full time babies. A year later I delivered a bouncing baby boy on his due date who weighed 8 pounds and 6 ounces.
    I thought that was a bad year, until I got cancer.

    I feel like I am rambling, I guess my point is, when you are given lemons, make some lemonade.

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  • kangatoo
    kangatoo Member Posts: 2,105 Member
    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    Hi Julie...never be afraid to vent here. We are all guilty of that and every now and then it is good to write things down for the masses to read. I think we all feel much the same way. They can send a man to the moon yet cannot find a cure for this crap. Makes one wonder. Having said that there is progress being made...slowly I guess in our eyes but technowledgy has advanced so fast hopefully a cure is close.
    My dad passed away 37 years ago from kidney and heart failure. If he was alive today and dx'd he would probably have survived. Then I lost my mum to a brain tumour 6 years ago. I often wonder if todays procedure would have kept her alive.All you can do is support your dad and be there for him. But remember, you have a life too and you must not let this horrid thing rule you to the point of affecting your health. You need your health to be able to concentrate your love and support when he needs it.
    Our best from oz, kanga n Jen
  • jana11
    jana11 Member Posts: 705
    Julie, So sorry you and your family are dealing with this... we all are. There are no answers to your questions. As others have said, allow your dad's illness to teach you to treasure each and every moment.

    HOpefully the RFA will work wonders; in the meantime, newer drugs are being made. Also, alternative treatments... ALL IS NOT LOST. Try to hang in there and spend more quality time with your family. The holidays are approaching, plan wonderful stuff!!

    I was trying to think of good ways to keep your dad in your daughter's life forever. I just read today that death is the end of the lifetime, not the end of relationships. Maybe he could write her cards for special times, etc... things like that. Hope this helps.

    Be well and come here anytime to vent. jana