my emotions

nrypsych

July 15 of this year I was diagnosed with malignant melanoma, I am 24. I was lucky, I had the tumor excised and a lymphnode biopsied and my doctors tell me they got it all. I know this seems silly because I no longer have the cancer but I am still terrified. My mind seems to wander to the possibilities more and more. Just last week my dermatologist found 3 more moles she is concerned with and of course I am scared. A part of me feels incredibly guilty because I should feel relieved, I am one of the lucky ones, my cancer could be removed, I had no chemo. But instead of those feelings I am afraid all the time. Sometimes more than that I am angry because as I have found out, skin cancer increases risks for other cancers and sometimes I wonder if I survived this just to die of another type of cancer.I know I seem to be overreacting but I can't help how I feel. Is this normal? My boyfriend says I am overreacting, am I? Please someone respond even if it is to say I am. I just need to know what someone else thinks.

sherra

I would not let anyone tell you that you're overreacting, cancer is cancer-its a scarry word, it can be a fatal disease and even though you've beaten it, it's something you'll have to be aware of the rest of your life

dakotarunner

Yes, once we have been against the big C, we don't forget where we have been. But we can not let it consume us. We are the ones in charge of our minds. I have been up against cancer and heart problems. I am 56 , very fit, not overwieght, etc., but s--t happens. I will never surrender to C. Yes, I think about it, but I see so many people around me that have it much worse than I could ever imagine. Stay strong. Learn to share with those around you, and lean upon them for support.
My prayers for you and your loved ones.
DR

lilmom2

Ok, I'm 26 and a 10 yr. survivor...so that made me 16 at time of diagnosis and treatment. I wasn't quite as lucky as you, I had surgery, three rounds of one chemo concoction and two rounds of another one. I dealt with all the horrid emotions, and in the end...I kicked it's tail.

But, knowing you've had it, knowing it COULD happen again is something you have to live with for the rest of your life. It's not easy. But, I will tell you that as time goes on, and life goes on, it will stop preoccuping your mind as much, it will move further back in your mind. But, then there will still be times something will happen with you that you can't explain and up pops that reminder of "what if?". I've learned over the years to examine my "what if's". And sometimes, they do require a trip to the Dr. to put my mind at rest. Sometimes they don't. I think about them long and hard. I remember a time when I was 2 years past treatment, and I got a bad, bad migraine that lasted a long time. I was POSITIVE something was seriously wrong. I had myself admitted to a local hospital in hopes of finding the cause to this pain that never went away. The doctor never ran any tests, just chalked it up as a migraine and put me on darvocets. They didn't even touch the pain. I stayed home from school for yet another week, bugged the daylights out of that doctor wanting a CT scan. He finially agreed to get me the CT if I agreed to stop calling him so many times a day. We reached a compromise. The next morning I had the CT and was told that I should hear something by the next day. Wrong! They called me within a couple of hours and told me "your oncologist wants to see you now, he's expecting you. It looks as though you have a brain tumor." By the time I made the one hour treck to his office, I had prepared myself for the worst. He and I discussed it, the various kinds, treatments, etc. Then he told me he wanted an MRI. Turned out, it wasn't a tumor. I just needed strong antibiotics for an abcess. It wasn't as bad as I thought.

I have an appointment to have my CBC's ran to rule out AML tomorrow. I have some symptoms, it concerns me, so I'm playing it safe. Worst case scenerio...I have AML. Best case scenrio...I don't.

kesnh

Never ever question honest emotion. If you are afraid you have 2 choices.... Be afraid forever or start fighting. You have every right in the world to worry. We all do it. Every check up is scary, every cough or swollen gland is something else. You need to take ownership of you survival. Stand up and be the person cancer tried to rob you of. If you need to talk to someone that is completely normal. Call your hospital and ask for a patient advocate who can set you up with survivor therapy. Support groups are awesome and they are there for a reason. Your body beat your cancer. Don't let the cancer beat your spirit. Cancer isn't just physical. You need to heal your mind and your spirit. Tell your boyfriend to be a man. That you need his support and not his judgement. Good luck. Stay strong and call someone who can help. It is totally normal. It is scary but normal.

MEC

It is so normal to feel like you do. I am 39, had stage 4 colon ca with a liver met, and I am coming up on 2 years cancer free. Even though he's supportive, my husband will never know what I live with every day. But every good ct scan and doctors appt gets a little easier with time. Hang in there and God bless you! MEC