I can't snap out of it!

Wendy59105

I have been in a funk ever since my news of cancer. I don't want to go anywhere and have been hitting the wine.....it is the only time I can relax and think of something else. My mind is soooo sick of thinking about cancer. My imagination is flying and I can't seem to shake it. Will this go away with time? I wake up with thoughts of chemo, go to sleep worrying about having negative receptors......I do not want to die! I even snapped my man's head off last night. I have got to get out of this funk and take charge! UGH! I have wasted so much energy o this ugly disease.

pelona

Just hang there. Say a prayer when you get sad or call the 700 club and they will pray for you. It will help.Once you start chemo it will be so much better. Once I started chemo I felt better because I knew we were killing the cancer. Go visit friends or go out to eat with your husband. I know it's hard but, it will be okay. God Bless You. Hilda

plarmstrong

Hi Wendy. I had the nuclear scan this past Wednesday followed by surgery for a partial mastectomy. My left breast is as blue as they come. I found out I had breast cancer on Tuesday, Sept. 9th.(my appointment was delayed due to Hurricane Katrina). I had a 2.5 cm. invasive tumor. I will find out the results of the tumor and lymph nodes removal this coming Monday, as well as the schedule for chemo and radiation therapy. The surgery was a breeze, I was home by 4:00PM the afternoon of my surgery and went into my office the following morning to check on my staff. I didn't stay long as I was flying high on pain medication (and no, I did not drive myself to work). Anyway, I feel extremely calm about having cancer...which may be due to the fact that I have so many other people to worry about. I am the Director of Housing Programs for a public housing authority. During the past two weeks, I have been dealing with many, many homeless families as a result of Hurricane Katrina. I am 53 yrs. old and am the first person in my family to be diagnosed with breast cancer. My family is more in shock that I am, but then I have always been the trail blazer in my family. I feel that fear, worry and negativity will get me no where and I refuse to fall into a victim mentality. I have not once asked "why me" because I know the answer would be "why not me". As one hurricane evacuee said "God put me through it to get me through it". Try to stop worrying yourself sick about what might happen...because only God has those answers and he is very generous with his miracles. Try focusing on everything positive in your life. When I see what other people are going through with their illnesses, especially some of the survivors of Katrina, I can only count my blessings that I am strong enough to endure having cancer, that I have a roof over my head and that my mother and father are still alive to help me fight the battle. I know you are probably very, very angry at the cancer and possibly still in denial. Acceptance is the key to managing both. You will get through this tramatic time, just like all of us will and have and I'll bet my full head of naturally curly hair (while I still have it) that you will come out a winner. Good Luck! and take care of yourself.
Patti

DiO

Hi Wendy!

I can identify with most of what Patti said. I'm a year and a half out and doing fine--pretty much back to my old self except for the Arimidex and 4 month check-ups. I find at this point I can go most of the day without thinking about cancer, and when I do it's in a fairly positive way. It took a while to get here, however! I was diagnosed and had surgery between Thanksgiving and Christmas. What with the holidays and such it was a month after surgery before I was able to meet with oncs and learn the plan for treatment. I learned of the spread to lymph nodes two days before Christmas, and I was devastated! That was the hardest month of my life. All that got me through (along with prayer) was the fact we went out of town for Christmas and spent the time with lots of different relatives, so I was able to get my mind off myself and on them for a least part of the time. After New Year's I went back to work full time until my onc appt. and while at work I was too busy to dwell on my problems. I highly recommend being with other people as much as you can, and doing things you like and that take lots of concentration to force your mind onto something else--gives your nerves a bit of a break.

I know that no matter how often we tell ourselves to not worry about things we have no control over and to live for the moment, one day at a time, etc, that it's still very hard to do. But do it we must. If we have a very long life ahead of us we want to enjoy living it, not be wracked with worry. And if it happens that our life is not to be as long as we'd hoped it's even more important to make the best possible use of every minute, to enjoy life and those we love.

The best of luck to you. God bless, Di

Idalia

Dear Wendy, give yourself time to get over the shock. Cancer was probably the last thing on your mind until you were diagnosed and now it has become the focus of your life. Wine may seem to help right now, but it can cause bigger problems later. I doubt you will be able to drink while taking chemo so find other ways to make yourself feel better. Talk to friends and family, exercise (ugh!), watch movies, work a puzzle, work, go out to lunch, get a manicure, etc. The reality of dealing with cancer is much easier than the horrors you are imagining. Yes, we have all been where you are now. Someday, I promise, you will be on the other side! Good luck.