Tried of the " You Look Good, therefore you must feel better" comments

Pepper39 Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
This may sound negative to many people. But I for one have had it up to my eyeballs with people saying that "You Look Good, therefore you must be feeling better" comments. The truth is that I can not stop stressing about the husband issues. Is he going to help me today, without the guilt trips!? I am sick and tried of watching what I say so that he will not become negative or snappy. I am tried of my Kids (God love them) but they are too young to understand that Mommy can not go to the water park today, because I feel very, very tired. I really do love my kids and I have been the one that takes them everywhere. Sports, parks, beach all the fun stuff. Their daddy never takes them to these things. I feel guilty that I can not be their to help my co-workers or my kids.

I really hate that comment. You get dress and put on make up and the world thinks that the cancer is gone. The cancer may be out of my body but my body is not repsonding like the cancer is gone. I really feel like a victim of a crime that no one commented. This whole thing is making me feel weird and lazy. This just is not me. Sorry for expressing my negative point of view. Has anyone else felt like this? WHat did you do to shake this feeling? Help me out here!! Thanks


  • Idalia
    Idalia Member Posts: 76
    Dear Pepper, sometimes people just don't know what to say. You don't look like you're dying so you look good to them! Before I had cancer, I had no idea what being a cancer patient felt like even though two people I was close to had been thru breast cancer. Try to be patient; people mean well. As far as the husband issues, I don't know what to tell you. I have a terrific husband and lifelong support system. I don't walk on egg shells for anybody! Like you, I was the mom who took my kids everywhere. Now the kids are driving so they take me! Do you have a friend, relative or neighbor who can take the kids somewhere? Most people want to help and just don't know what to do. Start calling around and see who is available to take the kids for an afternoon, run errands for you or do whatever you need. Ask for help and give people a chance to do something for you. When you are better, you can reciporcate or help someone else. Maybe your husband is overwhelmed or having trouble coping with his feelings in all this. Taking some pressure off him (and you) might help him be less snappy. Whatever you do, don't feel guilty! No one plans on having cancer or being too sick to do what they use to. Your kids will understand that you are sick, not lazy. Cancer is an emotional as well as a physical disease. Your body is going through alot right now. Rest, relax, do whatever you feel up to doing and let the rest go. You will get better, but it will take time. We are all pulling for you.
  • Future
    Future Member Posts: 133 Member
    Idalia is right, many people are uncomfortable and don't know what to say. I just started saying "thank you" and leaving it at that -- otherwise I was creating stress for myself. You aren't going to change them. Save your energy for those who may say, you look better, "but how are you really feeling". Work with other parents and friends and see if they can take the kids with them when they go places, I'm sure you have some talents that you could reciprocate with (if you feel you need to). There are some simple snacks you could prepare to take with them or when they get back. Regarding husbands, I've encouraged my husband to go out for a few hours or do something with a male friend, it revitalizes him and gives him some male "bonding time". May reenergize him. It decreased my husband's "snappiness". Some things we can change, some things we can't but just remember we are here to support each other. Use us as your safety net for venting.
  • bebe1976
    bebe1976 Member Posts: 60
    Dear Pepper,
    I think we have all experienced this at some point. Try to have patience with people, in my case, I tried explaining that even tough I was sick I needn't look it because that would make me feel sicker. Generally I think the girls are right people just don't know how to react...maybe you really don't look as good as you usually do and people can't deal with it. Just meditate and if you need to scream or cry once in a while, please'll be good for you. As far as your husband and your kids, my best advice would be to talk to someone in charge of emotional support in your cancer center, to someone in a support group, or even a therapist. These people will help get feelings of helplesness, guilt, or hurt into the open with your husband; and help you explain to your kids what is going on at a level they can understand. Maybe if your husband talked to someone who is going through the same experience it would help, because he could then even deal with how the kids feel. I hope all this helped at least some.
    Feel free to contact me and my husband at any time, (
    Gentle hugs and lots of possitive energy!,