Hanging on by a thread!

bsrules

I'm still here. I am hanging on by a thread but I am here. My nerves are maxed out. I managed to get a couple of hours sleep this afternoon. My brother-in-law showed up this morning. I didn't want to look at him as not to upset him.When he looked at the house he knew something was wrong. I told him how I have been feeling. We talked for a while and he asked me where the pills were and I told him and he took them home with him. I am trying to just take one minute at a time right now. I promise that I will not do anything stupid tonight. I know that quiting isn't the answer no matter how bad I feel. I have to find a purpose for me to keep going. I just want Bob to hold on to.
I just wanted to thank you guys for helping me through these last couple of days. Barb - Thank You for all the emails to keep me here. I am trying with everything I have to keep me grounded without going off the deep end anymore then I am already.

I hope tonight will go quickly!!!

Thank You - I will be here tomorrow. I guess that will be my birthday present to Bob.

Love

Sue

tkd3g

My pleasure, girlfriend.

You hang on. You are so strong. Things will get better, I promise.

Remember, we are here for YOU! Let us help you.

Love ya,

Barb

Shandle

Sue, I'm sooo glad that you have somehow found the strength to be here. Right now, God is carring you. Pleeeeeease stay on line with us and pleeease get help first thing with someone who can council you with your grief. We all care so much about you!! You are stronger than you know. Hang in there sweetie.. God is watching over you. Love & hugggs ~ Wanda

nanuk

Bob may have been appointed as your guardian angel; if so, he is keeping you on the straight and narrow so that you will eventually hold him again on the other side. We all have our appointed time to go..obviously yours has not arrived. There is a reason for everything, although it might not be apparent to us in times of stress-each day will be a little better. Nanuk

aspaysia

Someone mentioned volunteering in a reply to your last post. You would be good at counselling people since you seem to have a lot of insight about your situation and you always know exactly how you feel and why. You are also very articulate. Don't just get counselling--be a counsellor.
During one of my stays in hospital two ladies came into my room. They were volunteers and cancer survivors. I rolled my eyes as I rolled over to meet them. One had made it to the 5-year mark but she still had that hint of panic behind her smile. I felt sorry for her but my pity turned to admiration when I thought about the kind of guts it takes to revisit your worst nightmare every time you see another patient.
We chatted for a bit and I was kind of down--not my usual soignee charming self. She said, 'Just take it one day at a time.' That was how she made it. It sounds like a platitude but I took it to heart because she was so sincere. After they left I roused myself out of the bed and went for a walk around the ward--one step at a time. And that turned into a day and a night and another...
Sometimes things are just that simple.
Aspaysia, who is so strong now she no longer needs help getting up.

rejoyous

Being here tomorrow is a great birthday present to Bob. I know it's the one he wants the most. What a wonderful way to think about your courageous decision to move forward. We're with you, Sue.

steved

I am jsut catching up with recent events and eas moved by your recent posts. Your feelings of despair and hopelessness mirror so much of waht many people here feel even if the cause of them may be different. There are many here who would admit to feelings and thoughts of not wanting or feeling able to continue withtheir lives at times. these are in many way understandable thoughts considering what you are going through. I also sense however that there is a strong part of you that desparately wants to get through this and get on with your life. it is this part taht is stopping you from acting on your self destructive thoughts. Cling to this side during this time- it is a vital and valid part of you.

I agree however that it may be time to seek proffessinal help. Grief reactions take all sorts of forms and sometimes they also slip into depressive illnesses that need active treatment. No pill is going to take away your problems but antidepressants may allow you to feel more robust in yourself so you can emotioanlly deal with what you need to got hrough. Probably more worth hile though would be some skilled therapy to allow you space to do what you are doing yourself on this site- venting, releasing, voicing your emotions and letting go of some of them. you are obviously beenfiting from doing that on this site but I feel it would be better to do it with a skilled therapist who may be able to help you make sense of the way you feeling. Don't stop using us and this site- but I thnk you need more as well.
Keep letting us know how you are getting on- you are an important part of our community and your contributions are valued. Will be thnking of you,
Steve