WOW!

goldfinch

You guys blow me away! Thank you for all your compassionate responses! I knew I could count on you. I think i just needed the "OK" to feel bad sometimes (actually much of the time right now).
I have alot in my life to love and look forward to.
As a matter of fact, SB, i have a massage scheduled for today.
I have my wonderful husband and daughter-although this is a little bittersweet. I know how hard this is for them, esp my husband who now has to continue to work to support us-I work part-time-and also do the cooking, cleaning, etc.
I have my new dog-Lucky, a 15 pound, 4 year old female smooth fox terrier (quite a change from the 110 pound german shepard mix we had to put down in Jan). I just picked her up about 10 days ago. She is a doll and the perfect size for me to manage, although this weekend was a tough one and even trying to take her out was tough.
The sun is shining here in northern VT. Of course, there's still a foot of snow in my yard so it will be a while before i can see any of my bulbs blooming:-)

All of your responses touched my heart.
Heidi, Thank you for your practical suggestions. I am using metamucil, but i will try the Balneol lotion and baby balm-already using baby wipes. Tried the supp route-Anal fissure was not happy with that!
SB-Thank you for waxing philosophical this time. I needed it.
Ali-Thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one sitting at work, or shopping, or visiting, who is trying to hide the fact that the bathroom is the only thing on my mind.
johnnom-It does all get old, doesn't it? This battle between constipation and diarrhea is driving me crazy, but i haven't had to spend the night in the BR yet (at least not with this round of chemo! Radiation therapy sent me there once).
Steve,Kay-Thank you for giving me permission to feel hopeless at times. I think it's because the docs say i'll be on chemo for a year (assuming the current regimen is working-longer if it's not) that has me down. That just seems like such a long time right now.
Maura-It's my day off from work. I took a walk with Lucky this morning-the sun was shining off the snow creating crystals, it was a crisp 26 degrees. It was beautiful.
Maureen-I still feel that connection between us since our stories were so similar-except of course, the good news that you are NED. YAY! Thank you for your support.
Kerry-I will not let this beast defeat me either. Thank you for your prayers.
Linda-Thank you for your kind words. I also hope your husband manages this next round of chemo well.
Amy-It sounds like you are having an even harder time than me! Thank you for your wise words. Here's hoping you are out on that Harley soon!
Thank you all!!!
An overwhelmed Mary
PS. I've printed out all your responses so I can read them anytime i'm feeling down.

Moesimo

Mary,
I had tears in my eyes as i read your post. I wish you were feeling better. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts. I am finally feeling better after 2 years of feeling miserable. I didn't realize how bad I felt until now.
This is such a terrible disease, but keep up the fight.
Maureen

jana11

You are so sweet and thoughtful to thank everyone. We all know too well the daily agony of this disease.

Just hang in there. I went back and read your post from before. I remember doing christmas shopping 2 years ago... I had to find the restrooms as we shopped to make sure I had quick and easy access if needed. I am doing much better now.

You have the right idea. Make a list of all the wonderful things in your life. Re-read it as needed. My husband and I created a list of vacation we wanted to go on.... we are on our way - headed for Italy next month.

Go outside and make a snow angel. Your response to the responses touched my heart. The love at this site is amazing - thanks for contributing to the beauty here.
jana