relationships

wilkofc
wilkofc Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Young Cancer Survivors #1
I am a 32 yr old female. Right as I was graduating from college I was diagnosed with a brain tumor! Well after the shock, and after a stem cell transplant, I am an 8 yr survivor!! But I have a little short term memory so having a hard time finding a real job and a serious relationship!!! I volunteer a lot and keep busy that way. But why is this soooo hard. Why do people have to be afraid of us??? I would like to find a dating service for cancer survivors. Anyone know of one already in existence?? I mean doesn't that sound like a great idea. I mean at least we would all understand each other and have an appreciation for what we have been thru!! If anyone has any advice or thoughts about this, please let me know. I want to meet a nice guy and continue my life. Anyone interested in the same thing????

Comments

  • all2luvable
    all2luvable Member Posts: 4
    #2
    My thoughts exactly, Im 33, single mom of 2, survivor of breast cancer now for 2 yrs, however, have not been able to have reconstruction; I feel like I have to have some sought of resume ready for the next guy I meet...to see if he can handle and meet my needs or even want to understand....I think the american cancer society should sponsor singles events for people like us...its gives us the opportunity to meet new people and be supportive....I think we should write the acs and make suggestions....did u see Kristin is sponsoring a chat room for young single cancer survivors on 3/8 at 4pm and 9pm
  • SwingBridgeTSI
    SwingBridgeTSI Member Posts: 78
    #3
    all2luvable said:

    My thoughts exactly, Im 33, single mom of 2, survivor of breast cancer now for 2 yrs, however, have not been able to have reconstruction; I feel like I have to have some sought of resume ready for the next guy I meet...to see if he can handle and meet my needs or even want to understand....I think the american cancer society should sponsor singles events for people like us...its gives us the opportunity to meet new people and be supportive....I think we should write the acs and make suggestions....did u see Kristin is sponsoring a chat room for young single cancer survivors on 3/8 at 4pm and 9pm

    wanted to clarify that the young survivors chat is not a singles chat...its for all young survivors and we will discuss and help eachother with problems and just talk but its not related to singles yes some users who come in are single some are not... but I wanted to clear up the misconception....the young survivor chats are for all young survivors....Also just as a reminder that the CSN and young survivors boards are not dating services and we are here to support eachother and we can discuss relationships and how to deal with them but not to pick up another user...I hope this clears up the misconceptions.... Thanks!

    Kristin
  • all2luvable
    all2luvable Member Posts: 4
    #4
    SwingBridgeTSI said:

    wanted to clarify that the young survivors chat is not a singles chat...its for all young survivors and we will discuss and help eachother with problems and just talk but its not related to singles yes some users who come in are single some are not... but I wanted to clear up the misconception....the young survivor chats are for all young survivors....Also just as a reminder that the CSN and young survivors boards are not dating services and we are here to support eachother and we can discuss relationships and how to deal with them but not to pick up another user...I hope this clears up the misconceptions.... Thanks!

    Kristin

    understood the chat rooms are not a dating service, however, I understand what wolf is trying to say...she is finding it hard and is looking for a group of people her age to discuss the matter; I dont see nothing wrong with entering a chat room or discussion group with an intent to give your support and opinion as well as perhaps really meeting someone from that support and getting to know him or her in a whole different aspect...i dont believe anyone can control two people bonding...I think sharing amongst each other and getting to know them is an open opportunity for new friends....when I responded to wol's it wasnt for her to specifically use your chat room as a dating service and I really dont think she has that full intention....but if we have somewhere to go and be open about what we feel and what we're going through...it may open up other doors and help those who are seeking whether it be in or out of the chatroom. There was no misconception on my part....i took the title of the room for exactly what its meant to be sort for...apology again..if misconstrued...and hopefully wol can clarify herself as well....my agreeing to her thought of there should be some kind of dating service for people like us....should not be taken as if the chat rooms and discussion boards are all about that....its a good place to find out how many think the same way we do, how have they gone about it, have they experienced it etc....just a matter of hearing other peoples opinions and perspectives on the subject...right along with hearing diagnosis and discussing how we coped with it or what we found to be soothing...believe you me, Im big in supporting others and always give my all...my time is consumed in giving to others and providing moral support that sometimes I forget about myself and my needs....anyone who knows me would tell you thats all Im about...helping others....
  • jay1973
    jay1973 Member Posts: 8
    #5
    I am a 32 year old male. I had a brain tumor when I was 17. Chemo and radiation got rid of the tumor, and I've been cancer free for fifteen years. I've had a hard time finding a serious relationship partner also. Your idea of a dating service for cancer survivors is great. Let me know if you hear of one. - - Maybe we could talk and get to know each other. I hope your health continues to go well for you. - - J.H.H.
  • jay1973
    jay1973 Member Posts: 8
    #6
    I am a 34 year old male. I am a brain tumor survivor. I find dating, relationships, and finding a mate very difficult. I think a dating service for survivors like you and I would be great. Let me know if I can help you in any way. There is one dating site for cancer survivors. Its called C is for Cupid. We should encourage mre people to join it.
  • jessieca1
    jessieca1 Member Posts: 4
    #7
    Lets Start our Own
    I am with you. I also want to start a dating service for survivors, as since we all understand each others struggles, it would be a great idea. I went on line for Match.com for a few months, wasted my money, and think of myself as an attractive person/petite, and I was honest on Match.com that I was a survivor and did not get ONE HIT. So I wasted my money on a few of these dating web sites, and asked the Cancer Society if we could start our own, but so far they have not been open to the idea. Any other suggestions, please let me know.
  • jessieca1
    jessieca1 Member Posts: 4
    #8
    all2luvable said:

    My thoughts exactly, Im 33, single mom of 2, survivor of breast cancer now for 2 yrs, however, have not been able to have reconstruction; I feel like I have to have some sought of resume ready for the next guy I meet...to see if he can handle and meet my needs or even want to understand....I think the american cancer society should sponsor singles events for people like us...its gives us the opportunity to meet new people and be supportive....I think we should write the acs and make suggestions....did u see Kristin is sponsoring a chat room for young single cancer survivors on 3/8 at 4pm and 9pm

    I am with you
    The more the merrier if we band together as I have lobbied with the cancer society for a year or so to start a dating on line service like Match.com for cancer survivors, other than just the talk board, but so far they have not been conducive to the idea. But if others put pressure maybe something can be done, as they have a phamplet - LIfe and Sex after cancer, and I agree we need more singles activities for Cancer, as I wasted my money on Match.com and Harmony.com and did not get ONE HIT despite my honest, and being fairly attractive women and petit. It doesnt do wonders for my self esteem either.
  • jessieca1
    jessieca1 Member Posts: 4
    #9
    Cancer Match
    There is a dating service for cancer survivors called Cancer Match but not many people know of it so it doesnt have many members, the more the merrier.
  • hairkutr
    hairkutr Member Posts: 1
    #10
    Hi! I am a single mother of
    Hi! I am a single mother of a a 26yr old, a 13yr old and a 10yr old. I am a young 46yr old and I am approaching my five year celebration. I have been single for 9yrs and had an active social life up until I was diagnosed. I am not ashamed to say that I am searching for a relationship with a man who can love me for the woman I am now. People are afraid of us.
    I understand!!
    I would be willing to participate or even head up a "singles chat rm or dating site for cancer survivors"
    I believe that a huge part of healing and support for single people with a cancer diagnosis IS being able to feel comfortable with someone of the opposite sex who they can have this enormous thing in common!
  • survEYEve
    survEYEve Member Posts: 8
    #11
    jessieca1 said:

    Cancer Match
    There is a dating service for cancer survivors called Cancer Match but not many people know of it so it doesnt have many members, the more the merrier.

    dating
    There's a site called 'C is for Cupid.' I think the url is cisforcupid.org, but it's probably exactly what you're seeking. I'm on there, have had some really great discussions and sharing. You'll definitely find it has some depth, not a typical online dating site. - Eric
  • Eric65
    Eric65 Member Posts: 125 Member
    #12
    hairkutr said:

    Hi! I am a single mother of
    Hi! I am a single mother of a a 26yr old, a 13yr old and a 10yr old. I am a young 46yr old and I am approaching my five year celebration. I have been single for 9yrs and had an active social life up until I was diagnosed. I am not ashamed to say that I am searching for a relationship with a man who can love me for the woman I am now. People are afraid of us.
    I understand!!
    I would be willing to participate or even head up a "singles chat rm or dating site for cancer survivors"
    I believe that a huge part of healing and support for single people with a cancer diagnosis IS being able to feel comfortable with someone of the opposite sex who they can have this enormous thing in common!

    You guys read my mind
    Dealing with Cancer and Chemo it's already bad enough but doing it alone makes it even worse. I had just re-invented myself before diagnosis and got to finally work a fullfilling job, travel, help people and feel good about life and work in general but it now looks like I'm back to square one. I have been divorced without kids for about 7 years now, had not been able to find "the one" and it seems like my chances of doing so are now even smaller for like Clapton sings: nobody knows you when you're down and out. How about starting our own e-mail "loop"? We could cheer each other up, share pics, talk on the phone and hopefully get something outta this nasty condition before it's too late. I repeat, before it's too late. I think that if we can fight Cancer we can do pretty much anything.
  • j_waffles
    j_waffles Member Posts: 22
    #13
    Although I haven't done much
    Although I haven't done much dating since being diagnosed, I dunno how I'd feel about a dating service for survivors. I know it is a tough hurdle, but I always downplay my cancer so that it makes others feel less burdened / awkward. Yes, getting treatment for my tumor is an important part of my life, but I don't let it consume the rest of my interests. I ideally see myself dating a guy who's also as quirky and comical as me, with similar tastes in music and pop culture. Whether he has cancer or not? I don't see it being a factor in the dating-selection process.

    I've also met other survivors that didn't have a healthy view of themselves because of their cancer, or they take on a "woe-is-me" standpoint, and I find that unattractive.

    I guess what I'm getting at is: it sounds like an interesting idea, and I might join as a way to network a bit further. But if I had to make a choice I'd prefer to date a non-survivor, so we have less doctor appointments to worry about between the two of us.

    I enjoy hearing what other you other survivor kids have to say tho. :D
  • Eric65
    Eric65 Member Posts: 125 Member
    #14
    j_waffles said:

    Although I haven't done much
    Although I haven't done much dating since being diagnosed, I dunno how I'd feel about a dating service for survivors. I know it is a tough hurdle, but I always downplay my cancer so that it makes others feel less burdened / awkward. Yes, getting treatment for my tumor is an important part of my life, but I don't let it consume the rest of my interests. I ideally see myself dating a guy who's also as quirky and comical as me, with similar tastes in music and pop culture. Whether he has cancer or not? I don't see it being a factor in the dating-selection process.

    I've also met other survivors that didn't have a healthy view of themselves because of their cancer, or they take on a "woe-is-me" standpoint, and I find that unattractive.

    I guess what I'm getting at is: it sounds like an interesting idea, and I might join as a way to network a bit further. But if I had to make a choice I'd prefer to date a non-survivor, so we have less doctor appointments to worry about between the two of us.

    I enjoy hearing what other you other survivor kids have to say tho. :D

    Found one site
    You guys might want to check it out: www.cancermatch.com
    good luck!

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