nearing the end of treatments - getting depressed

juliababy

Hi guys. I want to wish each and every one of you a very happy and healthy New Year. I've been reading each and every post lately but I just haven't had the courage to post anything. The holidays took a very big toll on me. I know I should be very grateful considering all the blessings I have in my life including my beautiful little 3 year old girl and my dad being NED, but again the holidays were very hard. He is fortunately nearing the end of his treatments for stage 3 colon ca, (only 3 more chemo treatments to go)and I find myself very down these days or should I say these past couple of weeks. I think I'm starting to get nervous about the end of his treatments. What if it comes back now is what I keep on telling myself. I am so frustrated, mad and sad that this disease has robbed me and my family of our peace of minds.

Anyway guys, just needed to vent. I know that these past couple of months have been very hard for many on these boards and I just want all of you to know that each of every one of you are always in my prayers.

Here's to a happy, healthy, joyous, peaceful and full of NED's New Year!

Susana

littlejulie

Hi Susana,

I know exactly how you feel. In 2 weeks my mother will be done with her treatment for stage 3 rectal ca. She has a ct scan in march that i'm already worried about. I can't even imagine the return of this nightmare. What helps me is focusing on how when she first got diagnosed I thought the worst all the time but we've got nothing but good news from the doctor so why shouldn't that continue.

Try to stay focused on the positive and keep in touch. It's easier to go through this as a team.

julie

vanser

Hello -

I also know exactly how you feel. My mom was diagnosed in Jan 03 with Stage III and it has been a rollercoaster to say the least. Believe me, the amount of worrying will start to disappear as time goes by (but, as my most recent posts of paranoia show, I am not sure yet if it ever goes away completely). You must remain strong and learn to deal with new part of your families life & be very thankful and happy that your dad is healthy and well.

This website is a great place to get comfort when you are feeling anxious.

Hang in there - it will be over soon !

Vanessa

RunnerZ

Julia, You're feelings are soooooooooo normal as you near the end of treatemnt. My oncologist (voted one of NYC's best in a 1999 poll) told me that I could potentially find the post-treatment era harder than during treatment. During treatment you steel yourself for the next infusion, the next dose of radiation...but when it is over it's just you...and all of the anxiety that goes with this stupid disease. I gritted my teeth and got through my 18 treatments over 6 months, then readjusted. I found that running helped me. It made me feel like I did something healthy, even just for that one day, and it helped take the edge off my anxiety and sleep at night. As my body recovered I gained renewed confidence in it. When I beat my family Dr. who discovered my cancer in a 10-K (and he was a good runner), some 6 months after completing chemotherapy I felt a lot better. Not necessarily about forever, but at least for that day, that week, that month. Here I am 6 years later...clean of cancer and running every day. I still worry part of every day...but by living each day as Healthy as I could and getting my body back, I won the battles, and so far, the war. Be kind to yourself during the end of treatment. It is the hardest time. I remember. But 6 weeks from now, you will be getting stronger and better and parts of every day will seem good. Let us know how things are going..and congratulations, you are almost done. I'm pulling for you!

taunya

Dear Susana,
We are all afraid when the treatment ends. As long as you are enduring some grueling surgery or chemo or radiation, you feel like you are DOING SOMETHING! After the treatments, you just have to wait. The waiting is hard BUT, as long as you are waiting, you are living and living is the key. Honestly, counseling really helped me and my family. There were so many dimensions to this process that I would never have understood without her gentle guidance. I am sending you heaps of goodwill and hopes that you feel better right away.
Love,
Taunya

taraHK

Hi Susanna,
After I finished all my treatments, I felt like I experienced something like 'post-traumatic stress disorder'. And, when I eventually started seeing a therapist, she said it really was something like that. I held it together so tightly during the roller coaster of diagnosis and treatment -- and there was so much to do and focus on. But when that ended, I finally began to process what had happened. It was a tough period, but I got through it and I sincerely believe you will too.
Tara

JKendall

Hi Susana....My wife is not anywhere near done with her treatments yet (probably at least six more months to go). I keep going back and forth between relieved anticipation for the end of the torture, and, on the other end, the anxious dread that this nightmare will live on and continue to steal away my wife's joy. I think we're in the same boat (Sponge Bob....throw us a life preserver, quick!)

God, I hope I get to write here someday that Jerri is "NED."

From what I keep reading from the good people who share their lives with us, we are "normal." Imagine that?!?!?!

I'm with you, Susana. This life is frustrating and maddening, and the disease is a thief of joy and life.

Like everyone above has said though, we've got to stay positive and focused. We have to hang our hopes on the good news, and learn to cope with the bad news and the fear of recurrence. And let the friends we have here listen without prejudice and hug with compassion. Strength in numbers.

Take care. Jimmy