How to prepare for a mammo...

inkblot · November 2004

Hi Ladies:

Even though some of you may have seen this before, hope you'll enjoy this bit of mammo humor:

SUBJECT: How to prepare for a mammogram:

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram and even if they've had one before, there's still some anxiety. But there's no need to worry really. By taking a few minutes each day, for a week, prior to the exam, and doing the following exercises, you will be prepared for the exam and best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your own home.

EXERCISE 1: Open your refrigerator door. Insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and then have them lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for 5 seconds and repeat just in case the first time wasn't effective.

EXERCISE 2: Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temp of the cement floor is just right. Remove your clothing from the waist up and lie comfortably on the floor, sideways, with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Have a good friend slowly begin to back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and thoroughly chilled. Reverse position and repeat the procedure for the other breast.

EXERCISE 3: Freeze two metal bookends overnight.
Again, strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Have the stranger press the bookends against either side of one of your breasts and smash the bookends together, as hard as he/she can and hold for 5 seconds. Repeat for the other breast. When done, set an appointment with the stranger to meet again next year to do it all again.

Congratulate yourself as you are now properly prepared and conditioned for your upcoming mammogram! And just a final thought for all you women out there: MENstrual cramps. MENtal breakdown. MENopause. Ever notice how many women's problems begin with MEN? And when we have serious problems, it's time for a HISterectomy! Send this to all your women friends and brighten their day.
PS: Dont forget the "GUY"nocologist!

Humor! Where would we be without it? Hope this
brought a smile or two.

Love, light and laughter,
Ink