depressed

bunnie

Hi all iam a little depressed this weekend iam so tired of being sick.my cough just seems to be getting worse i cant seem to make a intellgent desicion on my owen.and iam just ready for it all to end.I am still trying to decide rather or not to return to work.I dont think i will unless something major changes i cant even help do house work so how i am i going to work uh.My mom told me about some herbal stuff that one lady tried and her cancer has stoped grwoing only problem you have too get it out of mexico.i gusse it is worth a shot though.Sorry ia rambing like i said just depressed this weekend tird of fighting after almost two years.thanks in advance for any input.Bunnie

lindatn

You have been one strong little Bunnie through the two years so don't give up yet. Mexico isn't so far away. Try and find a copy of Jane Plant book called " Your Life In Your Hands. I don't know if it is published in this country but I bought it in TN in a used bookstore. She is English and was published in Britain in 2000. She was considered terminal after four time of the cancer returning including her brain. There is a place to email for further information on the book it is: info@yourlifeinyourhands.co.uk Please realize I am not trying to sell this book only saying don't give up. God Bless and may you feel better tomorrow. For get the work it is to stressful for you to even think about it at this time. Linda

wildangel

Hi Bunnie,
I know I haven't been here very long but I feel I got to know you a little and you break my heart. I hate that you have had to go through this for two years. And I don't blame you one bit for feeling depressed.
I am going to offer what came to my heart when I read this post. It is just my opinion but if I were you this is what I would do...
LIVE. Take a break from all of this. Stop the chemo if they still are trying things out on you and take a "chemo vacation". Get SSDI and DON'T go back to work. Do everything you LOVE to do. Do the things you haven't done in two years because you have been so busy fighting all this time. Try the herbals. Take a cruise. I mean it- YOU NEED A BREAK! And a cruise is a floating vacation- you don't have to go anywhere the boat does all the travelling for you. You can just lie around and wait for the next buffet to open.
I really think you should spoil yourself. Have fun again. Be Bunnie again.
Then after a time you can come back and deal- but not until you are ready.
I have you in my prayers.
Love,
Angela

seeknpeace

wildangel said:

Hi Bunnie,
I know I haven't been here very long but I feel I got to know you a little and you break my heart. I hate that you have had to go through this for two years. And I don't blame you one bit for feeling depressed.
I am going to offer what came to my heart when I read this post. It is just my opinion but if I were you this is what I would do...
LIVE. Take a break from all of this. Stop the chemo if they still are trying things out on you and take a "chemo vacation". Get SSDI and DON'T go back to work. Do everything you LOVE to do. Do the things you haven't done in two years because you have been so busy fighting all this time. Try the herbals. Take a cruise. I mean it- YOU NEED A BREAK! And a cruise is a floating vacation- you don't have to go anywhere the boat does all the travelling for you. You can just lie around and wait for the next buffet to open.
I really think you should spoil yourself. Have fun again. Be Bunnie again.
Then after a time you can come back and deal- but not until you are ready.
I have you in my prayers.
Love,
Angela

Dear Bunnie,

I agree with Angela. Live and do some things that you never have but wanted to. And, just so that you know, if you have life ins., a lot of companies will pay out 75% of the face value in a situation like yours. So that you can find treatment alternatives or take a trip around the world. Whatever you want to do with the money.

I am praying for you. My heart is just so heavy.

Much Love

Jan

jeancmici

seeknpeace said:

Dear Bunnie,

I agree with Angela. Live and do some things that you never have but wanted to. And, just so that you know, if you have life ins., a lot of companies will pay out 75% of the face value in a situation like yours. So that you can find treatment alternatives or take a trip around the world. Whatever you want to do with the money.

I am praying for you. My heart is just so heavy.

Much Love

Jan

Dear Bunnie,

You have been one brave person. I am wondering where you live - don't need to post on the forum. Reason I mention it is that some cities have better hospices than others and also hospice home care, We have a wonderful hospice prograam here in Buffalo. I decided after going back and forth for several weeks that since there was no cure taking another chemo - only perhaps a few more months and maybe not even feeling good with the chemo - xeloda was to be the chemo - that I would just let nature take its course.

I first enrolled in home hospice care which is good if you have family home - I don't - so when doc said I probably wouldn't be around by November, I felt my prayers had been answered for a solution as in April they had just opened an assisted living section in april. I came in July - last week - and saw onco in Sept. and October - he is all smiles and amazed that my blood work is stable except for the bones - they ache more - meds upped a little but liver and lungs are involved too and have not changed much. Some days I almost forget I am a cancer patient.

I have been meaning to bring all of you up to date - this seemed like a good time while answering your message too. Studies have been done showing that those who accept their condition and decided to make each day the best possible live the longer with a terminal condition.

My blood work is better now than it was when the chemo was causing heart failure, anemia etc.

By all means don't go back to work nor to Mexico and never waste precious time on housework! Enjoy the time you have here and let God's will be done.

I don't know you except from here but am sure you are a sweet caring person who has support at home ( you have said so earlier) and is VERY STRONG.

Keep in touch with us as long as you can - my terrible cough stopped in May when I got the heart failure ( caused by the chemo ) improved as much as possible.Cough was from the enlarged heart from the anemia. Had nothing to do with my lungs but they sound better now than while I was on chemo too.

Lots of love and prayers your way,
Jean

wimpy

Hi Bunnie

I don't know what to say to you I am just so sad for you and all that you have endured. I just want you to know that even though we don't know each other I love and respect you for the person you are and the sweetness and love that you have always put into your postings. I wish I could do something to help you cope now. I'll keep you in my prayers. Please be good to yourself. Wimpy

inkblot

Hi bunnie:

I agree with all the others here. Get about doing what YOU want to do. If now isn't the right time for that, then no time will ever be right!

I wouldn't worry about work or housework or other mundane things. Reserve your energy for living each day to it's fullest and most joyful. I agree with wildangel...you need a break from fighting. There's no question that the "fighting" cancer process is draining, emotionally and physically. So why not relax yourself into things which bring you joy? Your spirit needs some soothing right now. If you want to go to Mexico, then go to Mexico. I fyou want to give the herbs your Mom mentioned a try
then do that too. While you're there, sightsee and enjoy yourself! Just take one day at a time and focus on just today. Push thoughts of chores and the like out of your mind and devise yourself a plan for relaxation! If that happens to be you in a hammock in your back yard, reading and sipping tea all day, then get out there and start swinging and reading and send someone out for a stock of your favorite books and teas!!! If you want to go to the mountains and sit by the fire in a cabin and sip wine till the sun comes up, then do that! If you love the shoreline, well, summer rentals are very cheap right now and I'm sure you could find something just where you want to go, East coast, West coast or foreign. You decide. Let your doc know if you're planning to travel and get stocked up on any meds and/or instructions you need to take with you. Trust me the dust and cobwebs will wait...there's more important stuff to be done here.

Depression seems to be a part of cancer and you never need to apologize for feeling it or sharing it here! Ever. It's really hard when you're in the throes of depression, to pull yourself out, but you can do it. Talk to your doctor and see what he/she recommends to help. Rely on the people in your support system to help you plan what you want to do first or where you may like to go. We all hope that as you begin to enjoy yourself, you'll begin to feel better.

Keep the faith bunnie and please keep us posted.
My heart is with you.

Love, light and laughter,
Ink

hillbillycat

inkblot said:

Hi bunnie:

I agree with all the others here. Get about doing what YOU want to do. If now isn't the right time for that, then no time will ever be right!

I wouldn't worry about work or housework or other mundane things. Reserve your energy for living each day to it's fullest and most joyful. I agree with wildangel...you need a break from fighting. There's no question that the "fighting" cancer process is draining, emotionally and physically. So why not relax yourself into things which bring you joy? Your spirit needs some soothing right now. If you want to go to Mexico, then go to Mexico. I fyou want to give the herbs your Mom mentioned a try
then do that too. While you're there, sightsee and enjoy yourself! Just take one day at a time and focus on just today. Push thoughts of chores and the like out of your mind and devise yourself a plan for relaxation! If that happens to be you in a hammock in your back yard, reading and sipping tea all day, then get out there and start swinging and reading and send someone out for a stock of your favorite books and teas!!! If you want to go to the mountains and sit by the fire in a cabin and sip wine till the sun comes up, then do that! If you love the shoreline, well, summer rentals are very cheap right now and I'm sure you could find something just where you want to go, East coast, West coast or foreign. You decide. Let your doc know if you're planning to travel and get stocked up on any meds and/or instructions you need to take with you. Trust me the dust and cobwebs will wait...there's more important stuff to be done here.

Depression seems to be a part of cancer and you never need to apologize for feeling it or sharing it here! Ever. It's really hard when you're in the throes of depression, to pull yourself out, but you can do it. Talk to your doctor and see what he/she recommends to help. Rely on the people in your support system to help you plan what you want to do first or where you may like to go. We all hope that as you begin to enjoy yourself, you'll begin to feel better.

Keep the faith bunnie and please keep us posted.
My heart is with you.

Love, light and laughter,
Ink

Hi Bunnie, I don`t know if you remember me but you posted to me a couple of times when I had a problem. I rarely write anything on here but I do come up here and read the posts.I especially read your post but I never know what to write.But today I want to tell you that I think you are very brave and caring. I am not going to say what I would do if it was me,because I don`t know what I wold do,[ but If it was me ] I would like to be like Jeanmici and relax and enjoy my life. I read a book by a famous oncologist who wrote about a guy who had terminal cancer. The guy decided he didn`t care if he had cancer. The guy miracuously got well. The key to his wellness was due to his attitude which caused his immune system and body to relax and by relaxing it became stronger.There was other stories about people who were in stage 4 who got well also.Anyway,Bunny I wish the best for you and I will be praying for you.....Shirl

blkhwkwife

Bunnie,

Please know that I am among the numerous people who are rooting for you.