Battling Depression

Unknown

Hi, everyone. I'm not a regular poster, but I read these boards just about every two days. I just turned 40 years old, and I'm coming up on my 1 yr. anniversary since diagnosis in 10/03. I had a 1.2 cm invasive ductal carcinoma. Stage 1, grade 3 aggressive tumor. ER-/PR-/HER2-. No node involvement. Had lumpectomy, then 4 A/C, 4 Taxol, dose dense, followed by 30 rads.

This is my 2nd time facing death. 7 1/2 yrs ago, I almost died in childbirth. I was to have twins, but one was stillborn. My daughter survived. I was in a coma for 2 months. When I woke up, I had been given a hysterectomy & an ileostomy.

Several of you kind women have helped me through this ordeal over the past year. One in particular was Jane [HollyTraci]. She would often send me personal e=mails to encourage me. Her recent passing really hit me hard. I will always remember her kindness to me.

I can't seem to lift myself out of my depression. I don't want to have a pity party each day, but I find little joy in life anymore. I have a 7 1/2 yr old daughter, who is my only light in this dense darkness. Unfortunately, BC seems to be robbing me not only of my health, but of my sanity. I think about dying and death each day.

How do I get unstuck... get out of this rut? I really need your help.Has anyone experienced this, and how did you move beyond it? I just can't seem to cope with this disease. Someone please help me. Sorry for rambling.

Jaded

Ellison

Hi, I too had problems with depression. It was during my chemo treatments. You have been thru a lot and I am sorry about your losses. I know when I am in a depression, it is hard to pull out sometimes. I always ask God to help me. One of the things I do is try and think of the things I have to be greatful for. Some day your little girl is going to know how brave her mommy is and what courage she has and how strong she was to have gone thru what she has and made it to the other side. I think we all have at some time or maybe a lot of times feel it is just lurking around the corner. Janes death is what your are mourning. That is normal. Also it is a dose of reality, is that going to happen to me. That is normal feeling and it is scary. Do you have a womans cancer survivor support group you can go to. I know I took antidepressent meds for 6 months to get me thru my depression and now I am doing better. I will keep you in my prayers. Please let me know how you are doing. It will be ok, keep reaching out. We are always here for you.... Sharing with women like yourself helps me to survive this disease.... I know I am not alone and for that I am truly greatful....

newboobs

Hugs to you Jaded. I truly believe that all the meds affect not only your physical health, but your mental health as well. After all, we did get nuked! lol

I get a lot of joy from volunteer work and doing things for others. I've been a volunteer for ACS for 12 years and am now approaching my 3 yr survival date. It lifts my spirit to help others. Exercise and doing special things for yourself will help too.

You will be in my prayers...enjoy that precious child- such an awesome gift. Please email me on this site if I can help you.

sassysally

jaded, Congrats on your one yr anniversary. I am a three time bc survivor and have had more chemo and rads than I can tell you. Life is full of trials, and this is just one of them. Not a great one, but one none the less. You are entitled to have an occasional pity party. You have been through alot. Grieve for that and then move on. Life is to be lived. Live for yourself and not the cancer. It will be happy to live your life for you , but it is YOUR life. The thought of cancer will always be in the back of your mind, but thats where you should put it....in the back. Your daughter needs you to be a mom. Enjoy her and all that she has to give to you. Look at each day as a new begining, not as a possible end. This journey is undaunting at times. Pride yourself on getting thru the chemo and rads. You are strong, you are capable, you are a survivor. Look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself you are beautiful. We need you, your daughter needs you and Your life needs you. I had bc in 1991,1998,2002 hang in there it does get easier. Yes i think of it at every ache and pain, but I have to live. I have a 9 yr old that depends on me. Cancer may have come into my life, but I refuse to let it ruin my life. Hang in there. HUGS

jamjar62

Hi Jaded....I remember when I had my first year anniversary, I felt the same way you do. Something about an anniversary that brings back all the old fears and sadness. I have friends who have lost a spouse and they are always sad on the anniversary date.

Do not underestimate the sense of loss you feel. Once you hear those words "you have cancer" you begin to say good-bye to your future as you had hoped it would play out. A future that did NOT include loss of hair, a scar on your breast, fear of every ache and pain, and foervermore being associated with the disease.



Allow yourself to be sad. You went through a life-changing experience not of your choosing.

The only way to get out of the rut is to get out of bed every day, whether you feel like it or not, and go about your life not allowing cancer to steal anymore joy. As I've said before on this board, you lived a lot longer as a woman without cancer than you did as one with cancer. Don't let the past year overshadow your years of "experience".

Blessings,
Karen

seeknpeace

Hi there...well, honey, I am gonna say some things in addition to keeping a regular routine and so forth. Those things are wonderful and they certainly help. But, the brain has a certain balance of chemicals that it needs to function properly. Your serotonin, etc. If a person becomes depressed, and remains depressed for an extended time period, you may not be able to just pull yourself out of it without
medication. Your brain may not be able to stabilize that balance that is necessary. Ppl get depressed over hurts and life events and get better, but, if you stay that way for a long time, it is a different ballgame.

I believe in these medicines the same as I believe in insulin for diabetes. It is all about body functioning, or not, as the case may be.

Usually, a person who takes an antidepressant can come off 6 mos to a year. If you have become clinically depressed, you may need some help. I stronly urge you to see your doctor and to do all the things listed here as well. Sometimes if you are clinically depressed, you just do not have the energy to push on. I know. I suffer from depression and will always be medicated. I am actually bipolar 2, but, the depression is what drives my illness. So, please see a doctor and get some medical input. Mental illness is not just a matter of snapping out of it, praying, walking, etc. Those things are beacons in the storm, but, they may not be enough. Love...Jan

jamjar62

seeknpeace said:

Hi there...well, honey, I am gonna say some things in addition to keeping a regular routine and so forth. Those things are wonderful and they certainly help. But, the brain has a certain balance of chemicals that it needs to function properly. Your serotonin, etc. If a person becomes depressed, and remains depressed for an extended time period, you may not be able to just pull yourself out of it without
medication. Your brain may not be able to stabilize that balance that is necessary. Ppl get depressed over hurts and life events and get better, but, if you stay that way for a long time, it is a different ballgame.

I believe in these medicines the same as I believe in insulin for diabetes. It is all about body functioning, or not, as the case may be.

Usually, a person who takes an antidepressant can come off 6 mos to a year. If you have become clinically depressed, you may need some help. I stronly urge you to see your doctor and to do all the things listed here as well. Sometimes if you are clinically depressed, you just do not have the energy to push on. I know. I suffer from depression and will always be medicated. I am actually bipolar 2, but, the depression is what drives my illness. So, please see a doctor and get some medical input. Mental illness is not just a matter of snapping out of it, praying, walking, etc. Those things are beacons in the storm, but, they may not be enough. Love...Jan

Jan is right....I actually meant to mention taking an anti-depressant in my post but I forgot. I had to start taking Prozac after I was diagnosed. I had panic attacks and was so depressed I could barely funtion. Plus, my oncologist told me that the Prozac would help with the hot flashes I would have when the chemo knocked out my periods.

Anti-depressants can take awhile to work so the sooner you get started, the sooner you will begin to feel better.

Karen

Denie

Hi Jaded,No one tells you about depression after cancer. They just tell you to go back to your old life. How are you suppose to do that. I was dx with breast cancer Sept. of 2001. And I am still dealing with depression. I know that its hard but I am finding the aftermath of this illness harder to deal with than the cancer itself. The best advice that I can give is dont give up the fight. Because even after the cancer you still have to fight to get over the fact that you even had in the first place. That sound so crazy but true. I am new to this, bare with on how I express myself. Please hang in there. And just know that you are not alone in this fight.

love Denie

Unknown

Thanks to everyone for your responses. I haven't been on the boards for a few days. I have made an appointment with a psychologist. Hopefully she can get me the help I need. All the best to everyone in the struggle with this disease.

Jaded