What to do next!

bsrules Member Posts: 296
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Hello everyone!! I am a caregiver for my husband Bob. I am trying this section again as I have been on the colon cancer section. I am looking for some answers or just to chat with someone in my situation. If Tessyann is on I sorry that I haven't answered as I didn't know anyone answer my last listing. I have be beside myself as my husband has had some really bad months. the ups and downs are taking it toll on me. He is doing better no if we can get him to handle the new chemo to help beat this things which isn't looking good. I don't mean to sound depressed but that is how I am feeling. He rest on the couch alot. I ask him what his plans are for the day and he said he is waiting to feel better. It is tareing me apart as he used to fight through the tiredness but now he isn't. He looks good and but he just doesn't want to do anything. It isn't like him I just don't know how to get his motivated. I am worried that he is waisting the better days that he has as I don't think that they will be getting any better. I don't know how to talk to him about this without distroying his fight to beat this thing. I hope that you guys understand what I am trying to say as I get myself confused at times. I hate to leave him like this when I try to put some hours in at work to keep something coming in. Does anyone have any sugestions. I could go on and on as I have alot to get out but I am afraid that no one will answer my post. I am not one to vent or go on but I need someone to talk to as I am in this alone now even though our kids now grown would help they have not. We haven't seen them since Christmas. We get together for onther things but they don't come up to spend time with their Dad. That really bothers me and I am tired of asking them to stop by. I don't know what they are thinking? Again, I know that I am rambling on sorry!! I have been trying to find a support group in my area for caregivers with no luck and I ask at the cancer center that we go to and they say they have a group meeting every few months. That doesn't help me get through the tough time when I need to get through. Sorry to go on like this!!! Best Wishes to everone!!! Sue


  • akenig
    akenig Member Posts: 7
    I have info for you and your husband.
    My email: [email protected]
    All the best,
  • gibby1954
    gibby1954 Member Posts: 1
    Dear Sue,It has been roughly three months since my wife passed away,she was diagnosed with cancer of the esofagus dec.22,2002.On the 27th she had surgery.When i stood on the alter and recited ourwedding vowes I took them very serious=in sicknessand in health,till death do us part.I loved my wife dearley and I miss her.every day I got up bathe,feed,administer medication,but most of all to encourage and be with her.From the begining I knew what the outcome was going to be but that didnt matter,Iwas there for her and that was all she asked.while my wife was sick i did notice a lack of visitors,only because her friends and relatives could not keep from breaking down in front of her.since i saw her every day I guess you could say I was use to it.I never gave up trying to ,she did try ,it just wasnt ment to be.Every day is a new battleand so far im not doing to bad.

  • marget
    marget Member Posts: 2
    I know exactly what you are talking about. My husband was found with recurring colon cancer back in feb. this year, he was in the advanced C2 stage on the dukes scale. He had the colon cancer surgery, the chemo therapy of which he finished at the end of august. It gets so bad around here with his down days that I feel like I have either done or said something and he is mad at me. He goes for days not talking to me, sleeping all day and night, I feel like he needs to go to the doctor just to make sure everything is alright and he gets mad at me for that, it has gotten so bad around here that I just don't know what to do. I feel guilty if I go to the store for 2 seconds, I have my own medical problems (fibramylgia, have had 2 neck surgeries (which has not really helped much with that so I have gotten to the point to get me through the days on pain medicines. I know this is not good for me, but it helps. Some days around here it is like he is already dead. I even feel guilty about writing that. The only time our kids come around (which they are grown with their own families) it seems like they only come if they want or need something because they are always going home with somthing their dad has given them such as a gun or money or things like that. I just don't not what to do, don't know what to expect, I am just at my wits end, so I don't think I will be able to help you any, it seems like we are in the same boat. I know I am rambling on, but I did want you to know that you are not the only one out there like that. I just keep talking to GOD and ask him to help me, to guide me through all of this, that is about the only thing I know to do. Sorry, I couldn't have been any help to you. I will keep you in my prayers. My husband was always the on the go type person. So energetic, always doing something, now he does nothing, it even seems like it is affecting his brain cause he can hardly remember a lot of stuff.