28 dx with bilateral bc - want to hear from others young bc survivors

julierene

I just wanted to see if there were others who would like to share their experiences - to maybe just feel a little less alone. I was 28 in dec. 2003 and starting my 9th month of pregnancy when they diagnosed with me with breast cancer. I had a bilateral mastectomy in february, finished 4 rounds of dose-dense ac chemo, and i am now trying to just come to terms with everything. i have a newborn boy, a 3 year old and 4 year old girls, and a wonderful loving husband. I lost my mother at age 33 from breast cancer and fear I might follow in her footsteps. Even though they caught it before it made it to the lymph nodes, I am er-, grade 3, 2-3 cm tumor, and had a case of er+ dcis in my other breast - which means a worse prognosis for me having two primary cancers. my onc is pretty certain i have one of the brca genes. if i don't, he thinks that there are more brca genes we just haven't recognized yet. so i am dealing with probably damaged dna, or bad tumor supressor genes. i've always been healthy, never smoked, only occassionaly had alcohol, and eaten a relatively decent diet. I feel helpless to prevent myself from a recurrance and almost feel like i have no choice but to live as though i might be gone in 5 years. people always tell me there are no guarantees in life, that they might get killed in a car accident or hit by a bus. i can't help but feel - well at least that would be nice and quick. i also think to myself it would take driving at the indi2000 to match the kinds of odds i have with cancer vs their odds with getting killed in a car accident. it feels so unfair. now i worry about my children and what it may mean for their futures. i can't help but feel the urgency to finish my photo albums, their christmas stockings, quilts, etc. i guess that's the good side of it. we have the chance to say goodbye way in advance if it ever comes to that. i just get a sinking feeling in my stomach when my husband teases me that he wants me to serve him breakfast for the next 30 years. i remind him that we should probably start living life like i may recur in a couple of years - that way i have no regrets and we are prepared if it does happen. i hear how great positive thinking can be, and i have found that if i treat life in this manner, i am happier. it's hard not to be sad about it. but at least i won't have any regrets if i find out the cancer monster is tapping on my shoulder again. anyone else feel like this? i feel like the only one who isn't saying something like 'i have faith it's not going to return'. of course that is what i want with ALLLLLLL my heart and soul. if i could create a star for every wish i made to wish it away, i would fill a galaxy. every day i pray for a miracle to never get cancer again. every hour i wish my life to be free of it. what else can i do to make my life more positive? julie - juliereneemail@yahoo.com - i would love to hear your stories

bettygee

Dear Julie, I was much older than you, 45, when I was first dx with bc, still, it was a shock, I had so much unfinished business, a 14 year old son and a 15 year old daughter. I felt that I just could'nt die and leave them at that age. Believe me, I did not always feel that I would survive, I prayed, but often felt I would never live to see my children grown. But my children have grown up and I now have 6 lovely grandchildren. Of course, I do have breast cancer and am not doing real well, though for the most part I feel well. I am just grateful for all these years I have had and feel that I am now ready to go when the Lord calls me home. I just want to let you know that people do survive this dreadful disease for many years and I hope and pray you will be one of those who do. Also, there are new treatments now that were not available when I was younger. All the best to you and your family.
Lovingly, Betty

SusanAnne

Dear Julie,

I'm so sorry for the circumstances you find yourself in. Although mine are not the same as yours, I too have told my husband that we should live as if the cancer will return. There are prognostic factors that indicate what the chances are and I score poorly on most of them. Having said that though, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't plan for a future. As you will see as you read more on this message board, there are many women here who have recurred and metastasized and are living with their cancer under control for many years. Everytime I get sad about my chances, I think of them and my hope is renewed. There are so many advances each year who knows what will be around the corner. I guess I kind of live with one foot in the future and one foot in reality. I don't think that's so bad. It reminds you to live life the way you believe it's important to, not to please others. It's our own little wake up call each day. I hope you find your own way to cope. Feel free to ask for help anytime.
Take care,
Susan

chas707

Julie, I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this horrible thing just when you should be celibrating life. I am 2 years out of treatment, praise the Lord!! I never thought that I would make it this far. I too was 28 diagnosed with invasive BC ER/PR-, grade 3. I have a 4 year old, she was 2 at the time, my husband and I were aggresively trying to have another one at the time when he found the lump. I had bilateral mast. with immediate reconstruction, 4 rounds AC. I too felt doomed. All I can tell you is that time does ease the worry. You are still so newly diagnosed, your whole world has been rocked, in an unexpected way. It is way to much to deel with all at once. I used to think everyday about how and when it would come back. Imagine my baby girl and my husband without me, and say things like "when I'm gone..." but fianlly one day I realized Yeah one day I will be gone, but TODAY I am still here. It does make you live each day a little more conciuosly. Notice the stars more, notice the beuatifull colors the sunset cast in the clouds, run in the rain laughing with your daughter, so what if you get wet, it WONT kill you. It teaches you to appreciate life and live it to the fullest. I am not the most religious person out there, but I turned to God and he got me thru the bad stuff, and he listens to me, I know he does but my path is already laid out, that doesnt mean that thinking about dyeing doesnt scare me to death, just that I dont think about it everyday anymore. In the past several years I have had several very good friends day teribly unexpected deaths, two right after highschool at 19, one 2 years ago an accident at work that he was 31 and left 2 beautiful girls with no goodbye and one just this Jan, 30 yrs old never had the chance to be married or have kids yet. None of this discounts your fears or mine but maybe we just got a reality check. Good luck with everything and congrats on your new baby! Please email me if you ever have any questions or just want to talk, I will be glad to give you my # if you wat to talk to someone with the same circumstances.
Best Wishes,
Chastity
chas707@adelphia.net

peabodyqp

Julie, I was diagnosed with bc 10 years ago when I was 32. I had a 7 year old son at the time. I had removal of tumor, 4 cycles of chemo, partial mastectomy 2 more chemo cycles, 9 weeks of radiation and 5 years of tamoxifen. Last month I celebrated 10 years of survivorship. It has not been easy. My cancer was ER positive, Stage 2B and very aggressive. I found the lump myself. I know the effects of cancer treatment effect younger women differently then women who are over 40. Just know that you are not alone. Many of us have been where you are now.

Robin
peabodyqp@iwon.com

Summer1984

Hello, my name is Summer Dawn. I am 19 years old I was Dx with IDC on April 23rd, 2004. I have a 15mth old baby girl.... If you would like to talk to me you can.. I would love to talk to someone around my age.