Husband depressed; Help?

Duck5373

My 42 year old husband had an RP on 2/6/04; he is extremely healthy, healed fast and has loads to be thankful for. I too am a 6-year cancer survivor. Unfortunately, he is extremely depressed about the possibility of losing erections. He's been crying; moody; not sleeping; even tried to have me leave because he said he is "only half a man now". I don't know what to do -- it hasn't even been 90 days yet! The doctor has scheduled a doppler for 4/29; and if there is adequate blood flow, will give him shot. I think he is focusing on this because he feels so out of control due to the cancer any way. Any suggestions? Help?

nutt

First, continue to be supportive, be there when he needs the support.
Second, you have come to this site, bring him to it also. It is private, no one knows who he is and he can just read, listen and hopefully gain strength from our other members, many of whom are a lot worse off than they let on but they are there trying to give support - maybe that will be a theraputic start for him?
Thirdly, it will take time. Everyone of us heals differently.
Fourthly, talk to your doctor about local support groups or if it becomes extreme, therapy.
Some of us have various problems for some time after our different selections of treatment. Others have jumped right back as if nothing happened.
Is he or has he recently been on hormone therapy? I had Lupron before and after and I had pretty much the same reaction. Cried, mood swings and wanted to go shopping a lot but time and a supportive wife brought me back to myself but, it took time.
Yes, he and we all have a lot to be thankful for. He is 42. It won't be long before he will have trouble remembering what he was so upset about.
Our prayers are with you but, do not sell therapy or a local support group short if the problems grows. It is not only about him but the whole family if unchecked.
Stay in touch and get him to at least read the members comments, problems, solutions.
Joe

mrronb

Dear Duck5373,
I am so sorry to here of your problem. I am a 8 year surviver of prostate Cancer. I want to tell you of my experiance and to let you know there is a way to get a life back to almost normal after RP.
I had an inflatable AMS Ambicor Penile Prostheses implant installed. The operation was a little difficult and caused a lot of swelling and discomfort but only a little pain. It took about 8 weeks for it to heal and ready for service. After 3 years my implant started to fail and became almost useless. The implant was removed. A replacement was installed at no cost because the device has a lifetime manufacturer guarantee. It took three weeks for the operation to heal and be ready to use. It is a new and improved model and well worth the little discomfort from the replacement operation. After the operation the most discomfort was in the area from being shaved for the surgery. My erections are as good as they were when I was in my teens. I could not be happier with my life now and would recommend it to anyone with an erection problem.
You may contact me at my e-mail: mrronpaul@juno.com

skhill

Dear Duck 5373,

You two have been through a lot and my heart goes out to you.

First, let me echo what Joe said in his response. Your support, that that is available on this site, local support groups, and your doctors can help.

I had RP January 14, 2003 at age 52. My urlogist told me it could be two months to two years before I would start to recover the ability to get an erection.

There has been slow progress since about two months. I have yet to have a spontaneous erection. Viagra, Levitra and Cialis have not been a magic solution. There has been some progress and I am better than where I was at two months post op, but there is still room for improvement. There is also good news in that I have orgasims. Next time I see the doc, we will talk about next steps.

My wife has been very supportive. In a lot of ways we are closer than we were pre-prostate cancer.

I cannot say enough about the support and care I have received from my urlogist and his assistants. They have been and remain great and responsive.

I will admit to being very frustrated at not being able to have intercourse as part of love making. I miss the emotional closeness that it brings. I am optimistic that I will improve. I have a wife who loves me. And I am cancer free.

What else is going on in your husband's arena? Is there other stress that can be removed or reduced? The suggestion of counseling is a good one. There are also a lot of people on this site that can share experiences and that may help.

If you or your husband have questions, I can be contacted at steveandramonahill@verizon.net.

Be well!

Steve

skhill

Dear Duck 5373,

You two have been through a lot and my heart goes out to you.

First, let me echo what Joe said in his response. Your support, that that is available on this site, local support groups, and your doctors can help.

I had RP January 14, 2003 at age 52. My urlogist told me it could be two months to two years before I would start to recover the ability to get an erection.

There has been slow progress since about two months. I have yet to have a spontaneous erection. Viagra, Levitra and Cialis have not been a magic solution. There has been some progress and I am better than where I was at two months post op, but there is still room for improvement. There is also good news in that I have orgasims. Next time I see the doc, we will talk about next steps.

My wife has been very supportive. In a lot of ways we are closer than we were pre-prostate cancer.

I cannot say enough about the support and care I have received from my urlogist and his assistants. They have been and remain great and responsive.

I will admit to being very frustrated at not being able to have intercourse as part of love making. I miss the emotional closeness that it brings. I am optimistic that I will improve. I have a wife who loves me. And I am cancer free.

What else is going on in your husband's arena? Is there other stress that can be removed or reduced? The suggestion of counseling is a good one. There are also a lot of people on this site that can share experiences and that may help.

If you or your husband have questions, I can be contacted at steveandramonahill@verizon.net.

Be well!

Steve