depressed

bunnie

Hi all iam finding myself more and more depressed each day in the past week i start crying for no stupid reason.I was dignosed in Jan of 2003 with breast cancer had a mastecomy and four rounds of chemo and then jan of this year my cancer came back havent even been done with chemo a year yet my cancer has returned to the lung and rib cages.I did six rounds of chemo and the cancer is in 50% remission so my Oncologist suggested another six rounds.so iam back at it again some days i just fell like it is a hopeless thing though.I fell so sorry for my husband becase i have not been my self latley i thought i was handleing this rather well this time around but like i said iam just about too the give up point.Sorry iam not very postitve today.Just need someone to listen i gusse that knows what iam going through and that can maybe hlep me get back into a postitve mood.Thanks in advance to eveyones help.Bunnie (Amy)

jhope

Amy, please,please, hang in there. I know that there are many many people who really need prayer on this site. I really feel strongly about only telling people that we will pray for them if we are willing to do so specifically, faithfully, and consistently. I want you to know that you and a little 5 yr old girl with ca, named Lexi, (found out about in chat room) are the two on my prayer list every nite. I understand what you are saying about your husband. I have felt that way too, the only thing he says or I think that makes me feel better is that you would do the same for him. You are crying for a reason, and it is not stupid. It's okay to cry, don't beat yourself up about. Each day is a gift - I hope you are or will do something wonderful -- like write, travel, I don't know what you are interested in. Please feel free to email here, okay, I check every other day or so and we can write. God bless you, you are loved, your an inspiration to us. Life is worth the living just because he lives........ one of my favorite songs, Julia

elmsys

Hi Bunnie, I am a breast cancer survivor, too. Jhope told me about you in chat. I don't know the "right" words to say, but I very strongly believe in attitude playing a big role in this fight. I had breast cancer, did mastectomy, chemo and radiation, then hubby got testicular cancer and did surgery/radiation. THEN I was diagnosed with melanoma. It's a lot, no doubt. But I really do try to have days with more positives than negatives. You are crying for a reason, even if you can't name it right now. Can you find something that gives you peace, like good coffee, or sunrise, or music, poetry, art, photos, pets, etc.? Can you work that moment of peace into each morning? Even on the coldest days I took my coffee out on the porch, because I love to be outside. I was so grateful to be able to GO outside. And that helped me start off my day on the right foot. There are only 2 kinds of prayer: please , and thank you. I will add you to my prayer list, asking for peaceful moments for you, more and more each day. Bunnie, you are not alone. So many of us have walked this walk. I hold you in my heart, honey. Baby steps, Bunnie, and then bigger steps, and so on.
Lean on us; that is what we are here for.
Elm

billandpatty

Hi Bunnie --

We're all here because we're survivors, we all go down a little different path, but we all have similar stories of pain, sorrow, challenges and even joy. You're in the right place when you need someone to lean on ... we're all right here. So go ahead and cry, it's ok to cry. Husbands can be a great source of strength for us. They can shield us from the world and they can be so very helpful. Of course, they get tired and cranky sometimes too, and we have to be forgiving when they have their moments. I have found that cancer has shown my husband and I how many, many different kinds of love there is and it's on so many levels. Try to do a little something that helps you feel better, a walk, people watching from a bench or writing in a journal.

Hope tomorrow is better for you.

Patty

Sandis

I'm so sorry to hear about your metastasis. It seems so unfair when you do all the right things, but know that you have friends here and can talk about things that are hard to talk about with nonsurvivors. Also, I love my cancer support group and highly recommend it. Also, most of the people in the group have been or are on antidepressants. If you haven't thought about medication, you might talk with your doctor about it. Not only do you need friends and prayer, you should take advantage of any tools available to help you enjoy each day. You are in my prayers. Sandi

hummingbyrd

Hi bunnie, hummer here. Sorry you are feeling so down, do you remember the prayer you told me to pray about a year or so ago when I was so down? Pray that at bedtime please, and remember this too shall pass. For whatever reason you are going through this you can make it. Just give God the glory and don't ask why. You are welcome to come visit www.urcctc.com Read the front page, kinda long, but maybe it will help you out. Leave a message on the board, you'll be surprised at the response you get!
God bless.
hummingbyrd

pattyrg

Bunnie, do not feel bad for crying! If anyone has the right to cry, it's you and anyone in your position.

When you're done crying for now, smile. You are here, alive, being treated, have a wonderful loving husband.

I'm sure that your husband, like mine, does not feel put-upon taking care of you. He loves you! He will always love you. If he didn't he would have run out screaming by now.

When you think you are crying and feeling bad for your husband, give thanks and praise to God for him by your side, and for God by his side and your side.

I found that when I stopped being specific with information about my progress with everyone who asked, I stopped thinking about the problems as much. I divided people into two groups, the first group, my really tight support group, got the details. The second group, got today's 'how I'm feeling' report. Tired today, had a good day, kids are tiresome today, husband is so wonderful day.

Keep asking for prayers from anyone and everyone you know, ask them to put you on pray chains they are connected to any where in the world! My prayers extend to South America!

Get into the chat rooms as often as you can, when you need support, and you feel you can offer it.

One day at a time, sometimes one minute, you can do this.