Is this any way to treat a sick woman?

aspaysia Member Posts: 250
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
I slipped on some dog slobber in the kitchen tonight and fell on my well padded **** (the doctor had the nerve to tell me I was getting fat} It was a slow motion dive to the floor but it knocked the pee right out of me. After thirty sesconds of sympathy everybody started laughing. Even the dogs. I picked myself up with no help from the peanut gallery and laughter followed me to my room where I changed my drawers. Spent the rest of the night in front of the TV felling sorry for myself. Well, it's better to watch ER than to be there.

Asspaysia, who has no tailbone to break her fall.


  • kangatoo
    kangatoo Member Posts: 2,105 Member
    Aspaysia--"sweetie"--there is only one cure for this problem---yah gotta teach yer dorg!
    No slobbering over lord n lordess mucks flooring!
    Absolutely no drinking from the toilet!
    Thou dog shall never resort to untimely leaps onto the kitchen table nor partake of food thereon!
    "MUTTLY" must under no circumstances beg of food from unsuspecting children unless said siblings are under parental control.
    Aforesaid canine species must pay particular attention to "lord muck n lord mistress" in regards to leaving of personal properties (ie; bones, chewed slippers, furballs etc. ad nauseum) anywhere in the vacinity of your home.

    Having said all that it is permissable for said dorg to-
    Crap n piss on neighbours front lawn--paying patricular attention to garden hoses, kids toys n the like!
    All of the above are "standard" etiquette here in OZ--however--one would do well to muzzle said dorg for fear of expensive retribution if said dorg is inclined to partake of neighbours ankles.
    luv kangatoo n Jen
    ps --this is subject to my copyright---he he
  • spongebob
    spongebob Member Posts: 2,565 Member
    BTW... I noticed the extra s in how you signed your name, Assp!

    Hope you're feeling better today, butt if you're not (did you catch that?) at keast(er) you had a good tail to tell us!

    Hang in there!

    - SB
  • pattieb
    pattieb Member Posts: 168
    I'm sorry that you fell but you made my day with a good chuckle
  • spongebob
    spongebob Member Posts: 2,565 Member
    pattieb said:

    I'm sorry that you fell but you made my day with a good chuckle

    I laughed so hard I wet my pants - just like Assp. Remember that scene from Billy Madison (I know a sophomorish, frat party movie... but it had a good moral to it) when the kid wet his pants on the field trip and Billy (played with sensitivity and panache by Adam Sandler) threw water on his pants to look as though he had wet thm and exclaimed "It's COOOL to wet your pants!"

    Well, Assp - it is cool and so are you.
  • jsabol
    jsabol Member Posts: 1,145 Member
    Hi A,
    Thanks for the chuckle. Having cracked a tailbone on a rock while fishing, I can tell you unequivically that it is far better not to have one to crack! Hope your day is looking up. Those ER episodes are great for grabbing my attention away from my reality. Hope your tushie and pride recover. Beware of dog/s. Judy
  • Just read your post and I truly am sorry that you fell and glad that no major damage was done, but the tears are still rolling down my face (sorry). I just have this vivid imagination....