Watching my mother die

dobeecamp

I just don't know what to think. I guess I really don't believe it.I haven't even cried yet. I don't mean to sound morbid, but I just need to know what to expect-time wise and condition wise. It started in the lung and grew like wild-fire. It is in her back,hip,leg, extensive in the liver and lung and in the skull bones.She has numbness from the forehead down to the neck because it is pressing on the nerves at the base of the skull. She has had 1 chemo treatment, so far.The doctor said the chemo wouldn't lengthen the amount of time she had left but it would give her some relief.they gave her around 9 months. I don't know. I just don't know what to expect or what to look for. I have read everything about SCLC but now I don't know about liver cancer in correlation with Lung Cancer. I guess what I'm looking for is a crystal ball. Maybe no one can give me the answers that I want.
Thanks.

Jules33

greenemd2000 said:

I feel your pain. My mother had breast cancer. She was in remission for 2 years all of a sudden on Dec. 2nd the doctor informed her it had spread and there was nothing they could do. The doctors had given her from a few weeks to a few months. I lost my mom, well I won't say I lost my mom. My mom went home on Dec. 24th....Her b-day is today and I am really having a hard time. One of the best things about knowing that someone will be going home soon is you have a chance to do and help them in anyway you can. I am not sure if you live close to your mom or not but please participate as much as possible with her care. I find peace in that. Don't look at as watching your mother die. She is going home, no more pain, no more suffering. And one more thing make sure you let your mother know that you and if you have children/siblings, let her know they will be alright. Let her know it is okay to go home. Let her go with no worries. I know you will greatly miss her, I miss my mom but know that she will be in a better place...greenemd2000@yahoo.com

I must agree with you. Do as much as you can with taking care of your parent. My mother is in home hospice and I am here with her. It is easily the hardest thing I have ever done... and at the same time, it is truly the best. The time that you share at these moments are the most precious. I am an only child and to be here with her, my mother, my bestfriend, will be the one thing that I can easily say will be the best thing I have ever done. It is also so true to make her feel as though you and the people who are around her/you will be ok... they will miss her and always love her, but that she will never leave their minds or hearts and with that you and everyone else will be ok.
I'm scared to death of my mother passing but at least I know that I have done everything to make it better for her...justmejtb@aol.com

BionicKitty

heidirho said:

Renee,
Have you checked out the book called "A Cancer Battle Plan" by David and Ann Frahm? I can highly recommend it along with "The Cancer Battle Plan Sourcebook" by the same authors. It is the story of a woman sent home to die after going through every horrendous medical ordeal imaginable to save her from breast cancer that spread. A natural juicing/fasting/cleansing treatment had her on the mend with complete remission in six weeks. My mother in-law has cancer, and we have just received the family juicer today, all supporting her in delaying chemotherapy to give this alternative a shot. Perhaps you and your family can find the kind of hope we have in alternative treatments. Don't give up hope yet.

All the best,
Heidi

Heidirho,
It's so nice to see some other people interested in alt. therapy. My mom has been drinking essiac tea, and also has a special juicer that dosn't spin, it presses, to keep all the enzymes intact, and she is doing all organic juicing/cleansing. She wakes up early and has alot of energy. for 4 months she has had no energy, not realizing at the time why(Just found out she has a brain tumor, possibly elswhere too).
I am going to check out the book you recommended.You might check into the Gerson Therapy, if she is open to cleansing and detoxing...My mom had a freind who it cured. But it requires alot of work to do it properly, or if you have lots of money, you can go to a Gerson Clinic. The AMA has banned them to mexico, because they have a higher than 50 % success rate, without chemo, than traditional does with chemo.... Sometimes I wonder if the AMA really does want to find a cure, as they would lose alot of revenue.I think a blend would be good, depending on the type of cancer . Good luck to your family....BK

als26

Dear Renee2516:
I don't think that there will be a more difficult time for you to face. I recently lost my mother on January 7th, 2004 to Ovarian Cancer. My story is a little different. We went to see her doctor on December 17th, 2003. At this time, she was still receiving treatments. For some reason, nothing worked. The doctor told us that there was nothing else he could do for her to ensure her remaining quality of life. She battled the disease for two years. At the moment he told us the news, his office began to spin. My entire world was shattered. I had no idea that he would say that. I knew that someday she'd pass away from the disease, however I had no idea it would come so quick. We left the doctor's office and immediately went home. For the next week up unti Christmas we discussed Hospice care. I was told that this is the best approach to ensure that your loved one will be out of pain for the remaining portion of their lives. I can honestly tell you that there was no way for me to prepare myself. I went through what they call "anticapatory grief". I cried daily up until she died in January. Others may have handled this better, but my mother was my lifeline. I'm an only child and I'm only 28. You can seek other family members for support, but I've found that no one can truly understand your pain because they probably have a different relationship with your mother. I'm sure your bond is extremely special. The hospice groups also offer social workers for family members. This may help you. I believe they offer a one on one setting and group settings. For me, neither of these would do. So, I decided to seek my own therapy with my mom's old psychologist. It helps to talk to her about my mom because she knew her and can relate to my stories. Please take care an know that it's ok to cry buckets full of tears.

rb11

Hi to all of you. I'm new to this site and I have been crying my eyes out while reading your messages. I feel like I've shared some part of all of your stories. I lost my dad to colon cancer 11 years ago, and am now facing losing my mom also. Mom had her first mastectomy shortly after dad was gone and since has had chemo and radiation, a second mastectomy,chemo, found cancer in her bones, chemo, radiation, and more chemo along with other unrelated medical problems. We have just found out that the chemo pill she was taking is no longer effective, and her blood count(the cancer indicator-not sure what it's called) is up significantly. The doctor has told her the cancer cannot be cured, whether she chooses to try another type of chemo is up to her, it may or may not work. I know she is afraid to face the reality that her days are limited, I am too! I also feel that she is depressed about her failing health. (She is 80)How does one make the decision to go thru treatment again or to stop treatment and accept your fate? I don't know if I should be encouraging her to keep fighting or to be supportive if she chooses not to! It is hard to talk to her about it because we have never been really close. I'm trying to be strong, but I am afraid that I will break down in front of her because I am a very emotional person. I remember what we went through when dad passed away and I am really scared that we may be reliving it again with mom in the not-so-distant future. Thanks for listening, Good Luck to you all!

bluesk134

Renee, I want to start by telling my story about my mom and maybe it will give you some answers you are looking for...My mom was diagnosed with colon cancer August 2002. She went in to have it removed in September of the same year. They told her that she was only about 15% likely to get it again, well guess what? July 2003 she found out that it did come back but this time it was on her liver. She fought so long. Taking chemo treatment after chemo treatment, but to no avail. I lost my mom 10 days ago. She was lucky to have the doctors she did. They took to her like most everybody who knew her did. Well, there is support groups out there. Ask her doctor. Most have list of seminars and support groups in your area. You can't never prepare yourself enough. It never seemed like reality that she was dying until she was already gone. I miss her so much. She was my best friend and I wish I could tell you that it gets easier or that you learn to cope seeing the person you love go through it, but it doesn't. The last week of her life was the roughest on me. Her doctor told us that she would not be in her right mind and they she may say things that would hurt and she did. The lady that was in that bed the last week of her life was not the mom I knew. My mom was so sweet and giving. She truly touched so many lives. My heart and prayers are with you and your family. May God bless. If you read this and you would like to talk more just email me at bluesk134@ail.com