First Week

maplegrnny

Hello again, my daughter completed her first chemo last Friday. Sunday was horrible, Monday not much better, Tuesday she was given an IV and nausea medication was changed. Every time I spoke with her she would say she was OK. I knew in my heart she was not ok. This was confirmed by phone calls from her friends. By Thursday, she had hit the bottom of the ladder. she was so depressed, said she could not take the chemo could not stand being sick and hurting so much. We all tried re inforcing her and encouraging her then to top it off the "boy friend" walks out. For good we hope! so this did not help her , the fatigue has set in and she is worn out. Her 2 boys are trying, but aren't old enough to understand. I know one thing, this Mother will not allow her to go thru another treatment alone.
She is worried about finances, not being able to work does not pay the bills. She hides all her feelings from her family. Any advice?

parNsher

Dear maplegrnny: I just registered at this site after hearing of my best friend's diagnosis today. She saw her doctor for the first time Tuesday,the diagnosis was confirmed today (Friday) and she will be starting Chemo and Radiation therapy on Monday. My heart goes out to you and everyone who's lives have been affected by cancer. It's devastating. I also lost my Mom 2 years ago, and an Uncle one year ago. Both to cancer. Have you contacted the American Cancer Society? (They sponsor this site)
I called them today, and was told that they are willing to help cancer victims and their families
in all aspects, from supplying information on treatments and referrals, transportation (to and from) treatments or appointments. And if the treatments involve long distance or extended travel they will help with, (or fully finance), lodging and travel expenses for the patient AND a family member or friend along for support. I'm not yet sure of all the services they offer, but give it a try because this thing sweeps down on ALL of us from out of the blue. In less than one week we've gone from planning a carefree, girls-only 2 week summertime roadtrip with a few friends, to the opposite end of the spectrum. Heartbreak and tears, fear, uncertainty, and LOTS of prayer.(Though I'm not ashamed to say, an occasional bit of trying to bargain with God happens also!) But know that you and your daughter aren't alone, and there are many agencies,churches and organizations out there ready and willing to lend a helping hand (or a shoulder!) So, keep the faith and check around on the internet or by phone. I'll add you and your family to my prayers, and hope the best for all of you. Also, there are agencies out there specifically designed for helping children understand cancer and try to come to terms with it's affect on their lives. And kudos to you for having the strength and conviction your daughter needs in her life at this time. You ROCK, maplegrnny! Good Luck and God Bless!
Sherri Wright

BettyN

Hello, Hopefully this will find your daughter feeling much better. My first chemo was the worst. Fear has so much to do with it plus the meds they gave me didn't work - I ended up with a reaction in the emergency room and it took almost a week to get over it. I couldn't eat regular food for probably the first week after chemo - just "easy" foods like mashed potatoes, etc. I think a lot of that had to do with worrying about throwing up more. By the 2nd week I was usually doing ok. By the time the next chemo came around I was fine - just dreaded having it start all over again. I was like your daughter - I had two young children (two girls at the time were 13 and 5). Keeping a positive attitude as corny as it sounds is the best thing she can do. And trying to keep life as normal as possible. Let the housework go or let friends and family help out (although I was stubborn and didn't really want to accept help). Talking to someone (a counselor, therapist or clergy) could really help too. She is not crazy but this is a very big thing that most people need help with. I even went on an antidepressant (a lot of people do). The one they put me on helped with the hot flashes too (I only had a few and I was one of the lucky ones who kept having regular periods). Check and see if there is a support group in her area. I also had a therapist teach me how to do self hypnosis. It is really just a way of relaxing and changing what you are thinking of. I would go to bed and listen to a tape he made me after chemo and I would get myself really relaxed. My youngest daughter called it "Mommy's relax tape." Try anything that you think might help and keep an open mind. It seems like life will never be the same again and it does change - but once you are through with your treatment - life really can get back to normal.

live42day

I was lucky and my first anti nausea meds did the trick, but my sister in law was like your daughter. She could hardly force herself to go to the next treatment. They finally gave her marinol which is a marijuana derivitive. This really did the trick for her. I hope your daughter gets to feeling better. It sounds like she has a good mother to support her, so she is lucky in spite of the boy friend.
Janet

frog08

live42day said:

I was lucky and my first anti nausea meds did the trick, but my sister in law was like your daughter. She could hardly force herself to go to the next treatment. They finally gave her marinol which is a marijuana derivitive. This really did the trick for her. I hope your daughter gets to feeling better. It sounds like she has a good mother to support her, so she is lucky in spite of the boy friend.
Janet

I also got really sick after the first treatment. My nausea medicine didn't work either. The next treatment they put me on a new drug called EMEND. It really helped. I didn't really feel like eating, and for the first few days after treatment I couldn't taste anything, but I didn't throw up. I could also use Ativan, if I felt a little sick in between the Emend pills. It is hard for the first week. I took my chemo every two weeks. I seemed to perk back up during the second week, just in time to take chemo again. Tell her to hang in there. It's hard, but she can make it!!

sportsmom

Dear Maplegrnny: I am sorry your daughter is having a hard time with chemo. I just finished 8 treatments of Chemo the first one was the worse. I had medication to take before the next 7 which made things much better you would not of know I had Chemo at all. I understand if I had to do the next 7 with out medication it would of been hard. There is a medication called Emend 125/80 and Zofran this might help her through the rest of her treatments. I was diagnosed with Breast CAncer in May it was a big shock. I have to start Radiation on the 17th 33 of them. Tell her to keep her chin up and give her a lot of support family and friends need to help her to keep her spirits up. This is a battle and I know she can do it. Have her get in touch with a Cancer Action group to see where she can get help from. Have her eat some bombpops that helped me start to keep food down. Tell her to hang in there it only gets better! Wish her luck for me and I will be saying a prayer for her.. Good Luck Babe..!

satots

Ask your daughters oncologist or the american cancer society for a book called "Taking
Time Support for people with cancer and the people who care about them". When I first found out I had cancer everyone said you need to have a good attitude. When I started to be treated with surgery and reconstruction, I was in constant pain. Some of my freinds would call to see how I was but they didn't really want to know they just wanted to hear they old cheerful me. I however needed to have someone listen to what I was really going through. I did have my brother (his 21 year old son has luekemia), sister-in-law (her mother died of cancer and her father is still fighting cancer along with her sister, and good freind(a breast cancer survivor)who would listen to me. I really did not feel like being cheerful. I did not understand why the rest of my freinds kept telling me I needed to have a good attitude. then I read this pamphlet. In it is a section on acting cheerful. It says "The advice of well meaning friends to be positive, optimistic, and upbeat can also be a call for silence. It can be a message that others cannot bear to hear our pain, despair fear, anger, or whatever it is you are feeling now, and prefer to stick with the cancer cliches." She needs someone to listen to her. After I read these words I called my brother, sister-in-law, and friend and thanked them for listening and not trying to tell me I needed to have a positive attitude. I told them that I needed to feel sad now and when I could I would be cheerful again. My friend laughed and said "I know you are your own cheer leader and I don't need to be one for you." The understanding that these three people showed will help me get through this a lot more than the friend who keeps saying keep a good attitude. A good attitude does not mean being cheerful all of the time. It means gathering your strength to get through each day one day at a time. So just listen to her. The second thing I would suggest is to have her get on here. I just finished my first chemo last week and did not know how I was going to be able to do it again. Then I came on this site and got all kinds of good advice and moral support. I am feeling better today, but last Thursday did not beleive that I could go through chemo again either. Lastly, she is very lucky to have a mother like you. If you notice I didn't mention my mother anywhere as a source of strength. Keep up your caring.