Trying to Understand

jilted

Late last summer I got involved with a man who was on the verge of being diagnosed with "internal" stomach cancer and WE quickly fell in love. Because we lived different parts of the state, most of our contact was online or by telephone. We did spend two weekends together though. During the first weekend he experienced severe indigestion. During the second which was only a few weeks later,he was very weak. He also expressed being very concerned about his health. Having an upper GI done and a chest xray.

On October 30, 2003, I was told on the side of a road that he was dying and he had six months to live. He ended our relationship on that day too. And has avoided all contact since until the other day.

I recieved an email from him on Sunday, basically expressing remorse about how he ended our relationship, asking me to forgive him.

That was followed by a flurry of instant messages.

That's when he told me it was 'internal' which I took as being the most invasive form of the cancer. And that his prognoses poor and he had maybe a year.

He is not very articulate in explaining things.

But he also expressed that he wanted to be with me intimately but it must remain purely physical with no strings attached. I asked him why. And he just said that he couldn't get involved anymore. I said that it was a bit too late for that.

He also that he was advised to take it easy with relationships and with sex. Knowing his parents as I do, I assumed it was all them .

He said the doctor told him that too.

As far as I know, he isn't getting any invasive treatment other than to relieve symptoms and pain.

OK, so now I am trying to understand.

1) Where is head is at
2) Why any doctor would tell him that
3) How I am supposed to respond

I want to be here for him, but I am not sure how. He is not making it easy and I need all the help I can get at this point.

Thank you for you patience with this post. I am trying to understand everything about the illness, its progression, (both physically and emotional) and so on. Please help me.

ZELLARS

STOMACH CANCER IS BASICALLY NON-CURABLE--I HAVE HEARD SEVERAL DRS. SAY IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT YOU DO AFTER FIRST DIAGNOSIS--IT WILL BE BACK IN 3 YRS. I DONT WANT TO SOUND HARSH BUT MY FATHER WAS JUST TOLD THE SAME GRIM NEWS THAT YOUR FRIEND WAS. I ONLY SEE THAT YOU SAID YOU SPENT 2 WEEKENDS TOGETHER BUT YOU SAY "KNOWING HIS PARENTS LIKE I DO". IT SURE OBVIOUSLY SEEMS THAT HE JUST WANTS SEX AND NOTHING MORE. PERSONALLY I WOULD NOT GET INVOLVED--YOU ARE ONLY GOING TO GET HURT. I AM SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR SITUATION BUT MAKE IT EASIER ON YOURSELF--SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU DIDNT SEE BUT A COUPLE OF TIMES, THEN BROKE IT OFF,AND LESS THAN A YEAR TO LIVE ONLY SEEMS RIGHT WHEN THERE WAS LOVE INVOLVED AND IF THAT WERE TRUE THE RELATIONSHIP WOULD HAVE ENDURED NO MATTER WHAT. I WOULD TELL HIM YOU ARE SORRY THAT YOU WILL BE THINKING ABOUT HIM BUT FOR YOUR OWN SAKE YOUR FEELINGS AND "STRINGS" WOULD BE THERE AND SEX AND LOVE ESPECIALLY IN THIS SITUATION SHOULD COME TOGETHER. I HOPE THE TWO OF YOU ARE ABLE TO MAKE PEACE.

dayers

ZELLARS said:

STOMACH CANCER IS BASICALLY NON-CURABLE--I HAVE HEARD SEVERAL DRS. SAY IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT YOU DO AFTER FIRST DIAGNOSIS--IT WILL BE BACK IN 3 YRS. I DONT WANT TO SOUND HARSH BUT MY FATHER WAS JUST TOLD THE SAME GRIM NEWS THAT YOUR FRIEND WAS. I ONLY SEE THAT YOU SAID YOU SPENT 2 WEEKENDS TOGETHER BUT YOU SAY "KNOWING HIS PARENTS LIKE I DO". IT SURE OBVIOUSLY SEEMS THAT HE JUST WANTS SEX AND NOTHING MORE. PERSONALLY I WOULD NOT GET INVOLVED--YOU ARE ONLY GOING TO GET HURT. I AM SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR SITUATION BUT MAKE IT EASIER ON YOURSELF--SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU DIDNT SEE BUT A COUPLE OF TIMES, THEN BROKE IT OFF,AND LESS THAN A YEAR TO LIVE ONLY SEEMS RIGHT WHEN THERE WAS LOVE INVOLVED AND IF THAT WERE TRUE THE RELATIONSHIP WOULD HAVE ENDURED NO MATTER WHAT. I WOULD TELL HIM YOU ARE SORRY THAT YOU WILL BE THINKING ABOUT HIM BUT FOR YOUR OWN SAKE YOUR FEELINGS AND "STRINGS" WOULD BE THERE AND SEX AND LOVE ESPECIALLY IN THIS SITUATION SHOULD COME TOGETHER. I HOPE THE TWO OF YOU ARE ABLE TO MAKE PEACE.

who told you stomach cancer is basically un-curable?...read the statistics, granted many will perish, yet many more will survive, i had my stomach and esophageal valve removed in June 2000....and i am still here...and my doctors tell me i am basically cured