still don't feel whole

wendisue Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Less than a year ago I lost my left breast. I still don't have my nipple and I still don't feel "Whole". I am to be married this September and fear the true fit of a gown and even though my fiance accepts what has happened to the fullest extent, i can't. My kids (I'm 38) have dealt well with it why can't I?
I'm one of five girls to be afflicted but my Grandma on fathers' side lost both. I'm frustrated, confused, angry, and even with total support of entire family I can't cope as well as I thought.


  • jeancmici
    jeancmici Member Posts: 665 Member
    Let me see if I have the facts straight. You have children who are supportive, a fiance soon to be husband who is supportive, you have survived the cancer - the problems seems to be the fit of the gown?? I seem to havwe missed something - the plusses seems to be way out front.

    Thank God for your blessings.
  • ajetlgd1
    ajetlgd1 Member Posts: 2
    I think you should feel blessed that you have a fiance that has no problems with the obstacles you have faced...To heck with a gown..Also, not sure whether you have checked or not...most insurances will pay for the reconstruction.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    It doesn't always matter how much support you have, or don't have, for that matter. What oftentimes matters is how YOU feel at any given moment. Most of us have certainly been the guest of honor at the Pity Party, for numerous reasons...just don't stay there! Turn the situation around~you would no doubt love your fiance' if he had one testicle. Even on those days when he was scared, angry ,frustrated and not feeling whole. Take each day as it comes, relax as much as you can, and kick cancers' ****!!
  • granjan
    granjan Member Posts: 2
    I am probably quite a bit older than you having been married for 32 really quite passionate years actually - but I lost my right nipple and I do know how you feel.
    By the way everyone - reconstruction and a tattooed nipple won't work - for a start your regular nipple goes hard and soft, so to speak. I tried a plastic one but you know what? that one stays hard all the time - so you still have only one sticking out most of the time. My dear young 'soon to be married' - it's done, it's gone and everyone else (although perhaps a little tough) are right - I have a husband who like your fiancee really only cares about having me around for a little longer - I know how you feel but when you can't do anything else - try to laugh at yourself - As my husband said -that I should have said to a spying store owner in Athens when I was trying on a dress - Hey I had two when I came in here! I'm not trying to be flip but I find I always feel just a little better when I try to laugh at myself and remember the important things Make the most of life young lady and remember this is not a rehearsal - My best wishes for a long and healthy and love-filled future.
  • seeknpeace
    seeknpeace Member Posts: 259
    I agree that we all need to count our blessings, but, gee, I think that you have every right to feel the way that you do and I am surprised that no one could identify with your feeling of loss. I had a total hysterectomy a year ago and felt a loss losing my uterus and ovaries, and cannot imagine how I am going to react to losing both my breasts next week. I understand how you feel and encourage you to find a support group where you can grieve, be angry and heal. A lot of the women that I have spoken with are pleased with their nipples after reconstruction and you do have the right to have your breasts fixed until you are happy. It is the law and your ins. company has to comply. Stay strong and count your blessings but, don't beat yourself up so much or be ashamed for your feelings. You are certainly allowed to feel anyway that you want.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    I hope you are feeling somewhat better~it is an unexpected turn in life to be sure. My sister is a chemo nurse, and I have been able to turn to her when scared or confused...I agree that you should avail yourself of a support group. If you have none in your area, I can think of two options: Start one yourself! and/or introduce yourself in the Chatroom. We cut right through the crap, and at the same time have an almost instant connection to one another. The feelings you have are valid and real...take care of yourself, and allow those who love you to do just that~you are worth it!
  • vll
    vll Member Posts: 1
    Wendi- Look at this as the next hurdle that you must get over. So far you've cleared so many, treatment, reconstruction...the nipple is the next hurdle. In the meantime, cry if you need, but get yourself out of the pity as quickly as possible, otherwise you could get lost in it and healthwise you must stay positive. If you can't have your nipple put on before your wedding, you know that there are now stick on ones you can buy and no on will know.

    You are a strong woman...just look at what you've made it thru so far.

    Best of luck on your wedding and keep your chin up.
  • lynne40
    lynne40 Member Posts: 87
    Hi Wendi, You have a harder part accepting it because it happened to you. I agree with the count your blessings stuff but you still are allowed to feel bad. Sometimes it is EASIER to be supportive than the one in need of suuport. You are still grieving for the body you had. It is gone but maybe you can't face that yet. Find a support group to help you grieve and then work on looking up. It takes time to grieve wether over death or cancer and everyone grieves in their own way. Good luck, it will get better. Hugs,