how do I help my husband?

lynnh

My husbands dad has prostate cancer. He has never lost anyone in his family to death, let alone cancer. I want to support him and my husband, but my husband refuses to talk to me or anyone else about this. Our marriage has suffered a lot. He resents me for not supporting him and his dad enough, but it seems like no matter what I do or say, it is the wrong thing. I want to be a good wife and a good daughter in law, but I'm finding it really hard to hang on. Any suggestions?

StacyGleaso

Hi Lynnh

Maybe if you simply ask your husband what he would like you to do that will open up the lines of communication. If possible, maybe you can be the one to take your Father In Law to treatments or doctor appointments. Regardless, though, make sure you stay in your husband's face about getting himself tested as with the family history, his risk just increased. Don't force the issues with your husband, just let him know you are there for him when he is ready to start including you in the process. Sometimes silence speaks louder than words.

Keep the faith,
Stacy

FaLLenAngeL

Wow lynnh, I'm in a very similar situation right now, but its my boyfriend rather than my husband. I want so badly to help him and his family through this trying time, but he won't talk about it. More than anything, I terrified that he will completely shut me out when his father dies. His dad has Mesotheliomaa (basically untreatable), and has been given a very grim chance of survival. It was really comforting to hear about someone else with the same problem and feelings. Thanks, its nice to know I'm not alone.