1 year mixed feelings

smvargo
smvargo Member Posts: 39
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I don't remember the date of my actual diagnosis but it has been one year, give or take a week, and I am still here. As I've written before, my sister died one year ago 7/12 from breast cancer followed by my mother on Nov. 9, 2002, also breast cancer. I was with both of them in their last moments. This discussion has helped so much, but I still feel those waves of deep depression, and feel a real emptiness in my life. I know that is grief running a normal course. I still feel fatigue and can't conjure up the energy and motivation to do some of the things I love. My onc. says for follow-up I am to see him every 3 mos., and will get a chest x-ray and blood work. Is that typical? Just got another mammogram and had a cyst which was not aspirated, but I'm going to bring that up to MD.s. It is difficult for me to be in this discussion because I know my sister was on this site. Her greatest support was from her internet friends. I want to ask if any of you knew her. Her name was Nancy Ballone and she lived in Ohio. Had 3 children. She had mets to liver and bones and was involved in study on Carboplatin(I know this is spelled wrong) and taxotere combined. Also participated in double blind trial of cancer vaccine. She was diagnosed at 39 and passed away at 44 y.o. She was an incredible bright and caring person. I don't know how finding out that any of you knew her will help, but my grief in losing her overrides my feelings about having bc myself. I know that many of you can relate to this because you shared your losses and triumphs with me the first time I posted. This truly is the only place to go late at night for solace and healing.
Stephanie

Comments

  • SCmom
    SCmom Member Posts: 46
    Stephanie, i'm new to this site myself. I have found it most helpful. I wanted to say that I am sorry for you loss. It must be very difficult, to lose two people you love to breast cancer and then get it yourself. I can't answer the question about Oncologist, haven't even seen mine yet, but wanted to let you know I will pray for you. I'm not sure this posting helped, but know that I wanted you to know I cared. Laura
  • DeeNY711
    DeeNY711 Member Posts: 476 Member
    Stephanie, I only found this site after attending an American Cancer Society "Look Good, Feel Better" program this Spring. I am so terribly sorry for your losses and know that while the grief changes forms somewhat, it is still there. I also find this site invaluable, especially at 4 AM. If you know what Nancy's screen name was, you can type it into the search box and her posts will come up along with the replies of people here on the message board who knew her. Please know you will be in our thoughts and prayers, Stephanie. Love, Denise
  • ktinkey
    ktinkey Member Posts: 170
    Stephanie,

    Take it from a veteran, yes, it is typical to see the oncologist every 3 months and get routine chest x-rays and blood work. Of course depending on your oncologist and the stage of your cancer, you might be weaned back on your visits in the future. Ask the doctor. With your family history though, I would think that they will stay on top of you pretty closely.

    Stephanie, I don't think I knew your sister, but you and I both know how small of a world this really is. It is perfectly normal to be going through the feelings that you have. It is hard to lose someone close to you with cancer. I know how it affects me in my battle and I have been doing it for 13 years now. I had a close friend that was diagnosed the same time as me. Our sons were the same age. They would share their feelings with each other, etc. She died 6 months after diagnosis and I had to battle the feelings of "why did I get to live?" I still can't answer that question, but I know there is a purpose for my life and I will try to help as many people as I can as long as I can. We are here for each other and this is the place where you will find acceptance and love. We need each other for healing in every avenue of our life.

    God Bless,
    Kathy
  • bullfrog13
    bullfrog13 Member Posts: 213
    Dear SmVargo. First I am so sorry for your loss. What a strong person you must be to deal with all this.
    If you know what your sisters screen name was it would be easier to find her post/web page rather than her name.
    3. I am almost one year and yes I see my onc. every 3 months for blood/exams and scans/mamo every 6 to 9 months.

    Hope that helps.
    email me anytime
    [email protected]
    God Bless
  • smvargo
    smvargo Member Posts: 39

    Dear SmVargo. First I am so sorry for your loss. What a strong person you must be to deal with all this.
    If you know what your sisters screen name was it would be easier to find her post/web page rather than her name.
    3. I am almost one year and yes I see my onc. every 3 months for blood/exams and scans/mamo every 6 to 9 months.

    Hope that helps.
    email me anytime
    [email protected]
    God Bless

    I found my sister's user name by looking down the list. Her user name was nballone. It is on the user list on this site. I've typed it into search and it keeps coming up "sorry no results." Any other advice.
  • hummingbyrd
    hummingbyrd Member Posts: 950 Member
    smvargo said:

    I found my sister's user name by looking down the list. Her user name was nballone. It is on the user list on this site. I've typed it into search and it keeps coming up "sorry no results." Any other advice.

    I'd post a note on the CSN Administrator Message Board. Ask them to do a search for you and email you any notes they find. Good luck and God bless. hummingbyrd
  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398
    Thanks for telling us that, I had gotten a chance to meet your sister. I am glad that you too found your way here, I am so sorry you have had to face so much. You are an amazing woman.
    I am 42 and have been around here for over 3.5 years. There was a small group of chatters back then maybe it is over 4 years. You have helped me more than you know because I am facing my mother inlaws passing from her lung and bone cancer. I have been thinking how hard it is for me to keep going to that hospital but truly she may need to speak with me, not able to tell her kids something. I have lost so many just hard to face and keep facing more loss, but life does go on now doesn't it. With or without us. I hope to see you in chat sometime, would love to meet you too.
    Be good to yourself always,
    Tara
  • hounddog
    hounddog Member Posts: 115
    I was diagnosed with a new Breast cancer this lastFebruary and I have mixed emotions that is normal .The important thing to do is take one day at a time and put your Trust in the Lord. God has a purpose for things even though we do not know what his purpose is. You are not alone in this. When we go through a Storm in our lives it is alright to be scared but keep your trust in God . Read the Book of James it talks about the storm. You have a lot of people that care about you always remember to keep your trust in God.
    Marilyn
  • hounddog
    hounddog Member Posts: 115
    Mixed feelings are alright it is a part of life. I still have mixed feelings and my cancer was in february and I went through treatments .Take one day at a time and put your trust in the Lord he is the Ultimate healer .What also helps me is I write my feelings down in a note book and I started doing that in February when I found out that I had a new cancer. You are not in this alone . You are going through what is called a storm in your life it is alright to be scared during the storm .John 6:14-21 always keep your trust in God. marilyn