Reality overload

jamjar62
jamjar62 Member Posts: 135
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I sometimes think I am going CRAZY! Does anyone else have trouble believing they actually have breast cancer????

Here I am: bald, going to radiation everyday, 3 lovely scars, no brows or lashes, fingernails peeling like an onion and yet still I sometimes I can't quit believe this has happened to me.

I haven't been to the chat room or read the posts for a few days now because I'm having a severe case of reality overload. A dear friend with inflammatory bc is having brain surgery tomorrow to remove a brain met and then when I come on here and read about the woman with the bone met whose doctor tells her to hold off on building a house.....I just get so scared that I can't come and read the posts or even think about breast cancer. My mind just shuts down.

I found about my friend yesterday and I've been in a funk ever since. I feel hopeless and sad and pissed off. I'm scrapbooking and I feel like there is such a sense of urgency to get done - just in case - and if that doesn't just take all the joy out of it!

Okay...now I've vented. I'm going to go make and eat some chocolate chip cookies.

Karen

Comments

  • heavenlee
    heavenlee Member Posts: 113
    Hi Karen,
    A year ago today..I would look at myself in the mirror..I would laugh thinking what a sight I was. I was bald...left boob gone...and 8 months pregnant. I just couldn't believe it. It's like..no..I don't feel like I have cancer..how can it be. I just looked the part (expect the pregnancy part). Now it has been a year..I don't feel like that a whole lot anymore. I do think sometimes that the docs just made a big mistake..I don't have cancer..it's all a dream. No such luck though. Just hang in there!!!
    Have Faith!!
    Angel
  • mci
    mci Member Posts: 7
    Just today I was inthe same frame of mind you are. SAD, then a friend called to say she was walking for me in the relay for walk this weekend.
    Well, that done it, I have cried off and on all day. I AM A CANCER PERSON. It has been over a year
    and it still seems like it is someone yet I talk about who has cancer. Hoe you will be feelimg better soon!!!!!!! mary
  • cammie
    cammie Member Posts: 102
    Who Me Breast Cancer? This is not my life. Yea, Been there. I know that getting Zoloft helped alot. And my kids. Sometimes a half a day will pass before I remember I have Breast cancer. Then I have to go somewhere and put the wig on and look at myself like WHY. There is nothing that will help except beating this cancer and talking with others here on the net. If you wish to talk email me. [email protected] Cammie
  • jake10
    jake10 Member Posts: 202
    I am so there with you. I also got bad news about a friend this past week and it was like a punch in the chest. I couldn't get enough air. I think it hits us harder even because we remember the feeling of being told we have cancer. Even before anything is done that 5 letter work just stops your heart. I often try to only tackle today. That's enough and sometimes too much.
    You are not going insane. If you are, the rest of us are already there. You are in good company. Beth
  • DeeNY711
    DeeNY711 Member Posts: 476 Member
    When you have demolished the chocolate chip cookies, we can share my canolli cake. Love, Denise
  • bullfrog13
    bullfrog13 Member Posts: 213
    cookies *ears perk up* did someone say Cookies? I heard the word cookies! OHH jam.. yes I have soooo been there.. I sometimes still cant belive it is ME looking back at me from the mirror almost a year after I have HAIR again. I used to keep telling myself to WAKE UP and get me out of this nightmare!
    much love
    big hugs
    and God Bless
    jerilyn
  • rizzo15
    rizzo15 Member Posts: 153 Member
    After my first big cry after diagnosis, my thinking was: Millions of women have breast cancer and the only difference between pre-diagnosis and post-diagnosis is that it happened to ME! I never lead an exceptionally perfect, charmed life before I got cancer...so, I'm just one of those average people who got a relatively common medical problem. I know it sounds a little too Pollyana-ish for some people, but I try to count my blessings (the love of my husband, a job in a bad economy, a roof over my head, a garden that is showing some true promise). I have already received so much more than most people on this planet receive in their entire lifetimes that no matter what happens, I don't feel like I've been cheated. Just my 2 cents.
  • ds1
    ds1 Member Posts: 19
    I UNDERSTAND JamJar62. I like your screen name too. It makes me think of all of those little things- great! I mean like Yogi Bear and Jelly Stone Park, peanut butter and jelly, and jam on a spoon when you don't want bread..... OK, let me get to that feeling of disbelief you address. I had it. Most of us do feel that way. And its a bit like being in the Twilight Zone and not getting paid to be there. I know a couple of ladies,though, who were diagnosed in the 4th stage YEARS AGO!. They sought the treatment once they found out they had cancer and are doing fine- years after the treatment. Both of those ladies had breast cancer. They are both very active and one is a business owner. The other is a busy Accountant. The advice of the Doctor is his way of dealing with it from the human point of view with regard to medical prognosis. But your friend's survival (in terms of longivity) depends on three things, in my opinion. Those factors are God, good treatment, and her attitude. You may see your friend live to make you jealous with that beautiful home. If you are inclined to pray, pray for your friend And with her permission - place her name(or situation) on several prayer lists. Even if you are not inclined to pray, studies have shown that patients that received prayer, without even knowing it, had better survival rates than those who did not. So pray or have some one to pray , anyway. I am fresh out of the I CAN'T BELIVE THIS BC THING arena! And I am working on accepting the situation. (To be thankful that I am able to get treatment...) I am also able to deal with the situation better as I accept it. I have now been able to focus on details that will hopefully improve my quality of life as I undergo treatments. I mean things like discussing
    CO Q enzyme10 (a complimentary therapy that works well for me to reduce the chemo side affects) with your doctor. I understand how you feel (been there) But I want to gently guide you out of the blue funk and encourage you to block that out with something constructive. I will remember you and your friend in my prayers and I will think of you when I eat something sweet. Hang in there for you and your friend!
  • ds1
    ds1 Member Posts: 19
    I UNDERSTAND JamJar62. I like your screen name too. It makes me think of all of those little things- great! I mean like Yogi Bear and Jelly Stone Park, peanut butter and jelly, and jam on a spoon when you don't want bread..... OK, let me get to that feeling of disbelief you address. I had it. Most of us do feel that way. And its a bit like being in the Twilight Zone and not getting paid to be there. I know a couple of ladies,though, who were diagnosed in the 4th stage YEARS AGO!. They sought the treatment once they found out they had cancer and are doing fine- years after the treatment. Both of those ladies had breast cancer. They are both very active and one is a business owner. The other is a busy Accountant. The advice of the Doctor is his way of dealing with it from the human point of view with regard to medical prognosis. But your friend's survival (in terms of longivity) depends on three things, in my opinion. Those factors are God, good treatment, and her attitude. You may see your friend live to make you jealous with that beautiful home. If you are inclined to pray, pray for your friend And with her permission - place her name(or situation) on several prayer lists. Even if you are not inclined to pray, studies have shown that patients that received prayer, without even knowing it, had better survival rates than those who did not. So pray or have some one to pray , anyway. I am fresh out of the I CAN'T BELIVE THIS BC THING arena! And I am working on accepting the situation. (To be thankful that I am able to get treatment...) I am also able to deal with the situation better as I accept it. I have now been able to focus on details that will hopefully improve my quality of life as I undergo treatments. I mean things like discussing
    CO Q enzyme10 (a complimentary therapy that works well for me to reduce the chemo side affects) with your doctor. I understand how you feel (been there) But I want to gently guide you out of the blue funk and encourage you to block that out with something constructive. I will remember you and your friend in my prayers and I will think of you when I eat something sweet. Hang in there for you and your friend!