Cancer claims my fathers left leg

dafuji

My father had to have his left leg amputated on March 27, 2003. It was a life saving operation that was very hard for all of us(family) to accept. Yet for my father it was a blessing because of the pain and suffering that he had been going through for 5 months. He hasn't been the same lately. I thought that at his age (63) and his condition that it would be easier for him to accept the loss of a limb in exchange for his life. Since his diagnosis he has had everyone support and still to this day but he's still feels down. I don't know whatls going through his head and why he feels depressed when he's beaten death. I've read many messages of people who weren't as fortunate as my father and my prayers goes out to everyone of them. I don't I will ever look at a cancer victim or survivor as someone who has their own problems. I feel as if it were my proplem too. Is there any way to make my father view his new live with more appreciation of what he has and what he was about to lose with out reminding him about his past suffering? Should I treat him as if this (cancer) had never had happened and that the leg he lost was the problem that should be forgotten?

marc

Hello,
Just read your posting about your Dad. Wonderful news that your Dad's pain has been reduced and he is doing well. Speaking of loss of limb, in my study of general grief, this is a great loss - and even 'tho it is in trade for better health, it really slows one down and takes away the independance that one has. In studying grief, I also learned that often when others do not accept our loss as such, it is so hard - for we cannot mourn the loss. Probably talking with him about his loss is so important for him. He may be depressed or sad by this - knowing it is gone, and that it will take away many of his enjoyments in life. Also, the cancer was there, there is such worry about reoccurance - so many issues for a man so young! As far as your question about how to treat him - does he want to discuss his ca? Sometimes allowing someone to speak of it, and discuss their concerns is so comforting. My Dad kind of picks and chooses times he wants to discuss it for hours, and then times he wants to just "live", and not dwell on it. I have been one who he comes to to share his concerns, and it is not easy to hear his deepest worries - but I feel it really helps him deal with it. There are many ups and downs with his feelings, I've found. Any many, with my own feelings - it is so hard to see your loved Dad dealing with ca and all the decisions and side effects. I pray that you will know what to do and find peace with it all. It is not easy. You asked for some ideas, and I've been pretty honest , from my perspective. Keep us informed, I hope things work out!