need some advice

italianangl33 Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
My grandmother raised me and we are very close. She was diagnosed with inoperable breast cancer three years ago. The sicker she gets the harder it is to be near her. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I hurting her by not going to see her as often? I'm merely a teenager trying to cope with the chances of losing my closest friend. How do I approach her with my feelings? Should I suck it up and just be there for her? Any advice offered would be a major help. Thank you.


  • hgalvin
    hgalvin Member Posts: 3
    As hard as it is i believe you should be with your grandmother. sometimes it's harder thinking about it than actually doing it. In the end you will be glad you did. A person usually regrets more what they didn't do than what they did.
  • nasa2537
    nasa2537 Member Posts: 311
    Hi...I lost my Dad 6 years ago, and I was with him as he died. While I'm not necessarily suggesting that you do that, I am suggesting that you be with your grandmother as much as you can. I was mortified watching my dad die, but I can tell you, as I look back on it, I am so glad I was there. I live a long way from where he did, and really regret not spending more time with him when I knew he was starting to get bad. You don't have to talk about cancer when you're with her. One thing I did with my grandma before she died was to ask her all about her childhood and growing up. She just lit up talking about it, and I learned a lot about my family. At some point, if you haven't already, it would be a good thing to let her know how you're feeling....when you're ready. It won't make her feel any will help her to understand where you are coming from, and at the same time, she will probably open up to you as to how she's feeling. Talking about feelings and having things out in the open, while hard to do, makes things a lot less scary. I bet she'll light up when you walk in...I'm sure she misses you. If you need help coping, it's not a bad thing to get some help....a counselor at school, or someone from the outside. If it's one thing I've learned from having cancer, it's talk, talk talk. It really does help. I wish you well, and lots of prayers will go out for your grandmother. We're all here for you! God bless, Cyndi
  • janetkp
    janetkp Member Posts: 2
    I fully support putting your fears aside, and spending as much time as possible with your grandmother. She really needs to feel your love and support. Touch her, talk to her, and tell her how much you love her. Big hugs. This is a difficult time for both of you.
  • newboobs
    newboobs Member Posts: 121
    I am a breast cancer survivor, however, I watched both of my grandparents die of colon cancer. Go to her and tell her your heart. I had a best friend who couldn't handle my sickness and stayed away. That was almost 2 years ago, and our friendship has never completely mended. Talk to your grandmother. I had the most wonderful conversations with mine before she died. If you don't you'll regret it. Good luck!
  • mrslop
    mrslop Member Posts: 1
    You sound like a caring person. Don't deprieve yourself or your Grandmother by infrequent visits. Speaking just for myself, loneliness is a terrible thing when you are ill. You have a great opportunity to do some good by being with her as often as you can. Ask her questions about herself: her first date, her first love, what life was like for her growing up. Tell her about yourself and what is going on in your own life. Hold her hand, when you cannot think of anything more to say. I pray that you will have all the stength you need to do this. It may surprise you, but I think you will get far more than you give when you do this. Guilt can be a terrible thing to live with, if you don't do what you know you should have. God Bless You. MrsLop
  • 7fergie
    7fergie Member Posts: 19

    Your feelings are perfectly normal. Don't discount them or "just suck it up". It's not like you woke up one morning and just felt like having these feelings for no reason at all. And those feelings are not going to go away by stuffing them away somewhere and trying to forget about them. So your goal is to learn how to handle them and at the same time visit your grandmother as much as possible. Don't worry about crying around her--she's cried a plenty and you all can cry together. Talk to a counselor at school or a private psychologist recommended by your counselor. Either way, all those thoughts and feelings in your head need to come out and be talked about and, in addition, your counselor can probably teach you a specific way to handle this particular kind of stress or refer you to someone who can. Ask for the help; get the help. It will help you deal with your grandmother's illness better since you will be feeling better about yourself. And that is not selfish--we can't usually reach out and help others until we feel good about ourselves--we just don't have it to give. So start talking to somebody-anybody and at the same time go visit your grandmother very often. As mentioned in another reply, she will love having you, you will be glad you are there and studies show that the more support a cancer patient gets, the longer the patient will live no matter the prognosis. So start healing yourself and go see her and help add to her healing. Medicines can only do so much; then we need our family.