men can't handle the changed body

topaz6116 Member Posts: 2
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
beeb scared to date, men say they can, but what happens they euther forget, or had intention of ever caressing me, I need that , its need to be ok
with him as well, dont leave me out in thr cold, while you flirt with a women who has two..Why do men do that


  • sassysally
    sassysally Member Posts: 150
    Some men are egotistical pain in the ****. For some reason, mammory glands are important to some. Not that when they get old....their hair will fall out and they will get that beer gut. We aren't suppose to worry about that right? Some men are just really superficial. There are real men out there who look beyond the "BOOBS" and realize that you are an intelligent person and are more than your chest. You just need to take your time and find that one. The ones that are that superfical you dont need. They will never understand what it means to be a survivor. The only title the will ever have is LOSER.
  • bullfrog13
    bullfrog13 Member Posts: 213
    If you are refering to you spouse or boyfriend, it sounds like that the lines of communication should be opened between you. The ACS has a letter that they have upon request that can be sent to a spouse/boyfriend that can help to open those lines if you need. I suppose I was one of the luckest woman on the planet for I had a wonderful husband who was my rock during the whole two years I was going tho the BC journay.

    Some men are pigs yes, but sometimes all they need is knowledge of how you feel. He may honeslty not be aware of your feelings. Men are after all from another planet ya know. It is man nature to FIX things that they think are broken, he can NOT fix this thing with you and it frustates him to have to rely on another (your doctor for example) to fix things. He has to be able to feel like he is FIXING give him something that is in his control to fix. let him do the housework or help you do something else. He will probably do it wrong..*most of them do* LOL but at least he is feeling like he is a part of it.. Good luck and God Bless
  • chef
    chef Member Posts: 17
    I went through a divorce while going through my first bouts with BC. It took me a few years to start dating again or even wanting to. Anyway, while trying to get my feet wet in the dating world, it didn't take me long to realize the techniques I used as a 20 year old were not going to work at this stage in my life. For onething I didn't have the body and now I was dealing with a masectomy. A few of the fellows I went out with during those first dates were the same kind of grabby feely boys I fought with in high school. Somethings never change. (Some don't grow up they just get older.) But for the most part, there are some nice guys out there. The few that were uncomfortable knowing I had had BC, let alone a masectomy were weeded out early. If they were going to be so childlish and superficual that they couldn't get passed the body to appreicate the women. Then they didn't get the pleasure of either. That's how I seperated the men from the boys. I'm now engaged to a wonderful guy and we're getting married in the fall. There are some keepers out there. As for the is to short..throw them back.
  • mariaz
    mariaz Member Posts: 10
    Topaz, I was worried about the same thing. I was singlw when I had a mastectomy. I wasn't sure I'd meet a man who would be able to deal with it. I met a man a year after my surgery when my hair was still very short after growing in from chemo. When I told him about the cancer & the mastectomy, he didn't blink. He just asked me questions about it & has been very supportive ever since. Don't give up. There are many men who are not shallow & who will love you unconditionally. Mariaz
  • Tori
    Tori Member Posts: 6
    I read your message about this very touchy subject. My personal experience has to do with my husband and the first thing he said to me when I thought of having a Mastectomy. I never had a women with one breast. I replied I never had to lose one breast. I guess this still sticks in my mind when he wants to touch me. That part of our marriage is long gone since I had my ovaries removed on Feb 8 2001. I have no desire for a man that has not been there for me. He says he wants me, yet he looks at all these other women who have these things called breast that look like a circus tent. Then he'll ask me are the real or fake? My body after all the things that the doctors can do has changed. I have scars that cover my hips from one side to another and now have developed these things, purple marks because my reconstruciton was too tight. Oh Well, them the breaks. The hope is that there has to be some men out there and not all these immature boys. What it thier body parts fell off would we leave them or look at them any differently?