here we go again

szug
szug Member Posts: 2
edited March 2014 in Lymphoma (Hodgkin and Non-Hodgkin) #1
Hi, I am new to this..I am a twenty year survivor with hodgekins disease, I had 21/2 years of treatment.My Dad was diagnosed with breast 3 years later. Jump to the present, He now has bone, liver, and lung, I have been watching him fight this battle for 2 years, needless to say it has made old issue of my own surface, fear , feeling out of control, will this happen to me? I am not able to talk about this to my family, they do not understand the lifelong effect having had cancer has had. I love life and try to live it to its fullest but the undercurrent of cancer is always there, sometimes a blessing ,or curse. I want the feeling of immortality back, but know it is gone forever...

Comments

  • all4carly
    all4carly Member Posts: 7
    #2
    It;s one thing to go through having cancer yourself, you being the focus of getting better. Your needs being the issue. But when the people we love get sick I feel like I have to re-live my treatments. I had 2 close friends get sick and die after my treatment was over. I beleive that things happen for a reason and me being sick has made me stronger. What we have as cancer surviors is an ability to relate and be there for fellow victims, like no one else can. My friend Terry had brain/lung/stomach cancer and battled the disease for a long time. When he was laying in the hospital druged and a little out of it, I was there reading the bible and talking about life. He new he was going to die in the next 24 hours or so, I knew it, the doctors knew it. The most important thing for him , (as I saw it) was to be treated as a grown man. That meant using the washroon by himself, not telling him he's 'not allowed' and talking to him as if he were healty. Respect. Sometimes we get caught up in what we need, in order to make it through. The fact that you have come to terms with your mortality is awesome and you can really help your dad right now. You know what he's going through, you can be there for him in a way that no one else in your family can. Now is the time to be candid about your experiences with your Dad. People who are/might be dying need to talk about it, but it's hard to find someone close to them who can do it. Be strong (we already know you are) I knwo I look back and feel I had a special relationship with my two friends, one that is seperate from everyone else. I feel proud that I was there for them. I feel blessed that god made me a strong person and the courage to help other people. Remember your Dad and family loves you and it's ok to be scared and have all those feelings too. You might want to tell the rest of your family about this site also.

    Take care
  • szug
    szug Member Posts: 2
    #3
    all4carly said:

    It;s one thing to go through having cancer yourself, you being the focus of getting better. Your needs being the issue. But when the people we love get sick I feel like I have to re-live my treatments. I had 2 close friends get sick and die after my treatment was over. I beleive that things happen for a reason and me being sick has made me stronger. What we have as cancer surviors is an ability to relate and be there for fellow victims, like no one else can. My friend Terry had brain/lung/stomach cancer and battled the disease for a long time. When he was laying in the hospital druged and a little out of it, I was there reading the bible and talking about life. He new he was going to die in the next 24 hours or so, I knew it, the doctors knew it. The most important thing for him , (as I saw it) was to be treated as a grown man. That meant using the washroon by himself, not telling him he's 'not allowed' and talking to him as if he were healty. Respect. Sometimes we get caught up in what we need, in order to make it through. The fact that you have come to terms with your mortality is awesome and you can really help your dad right now. You know what he's going through, you can be there for him in a way that no one else in your family can. Now is the time to be candid about your experiences with your Dad. People who are/might be dying need to talk about it, but it's hard to find someone close to them who can do it. Be strong (we already know you are) I knwo I look back and feel I had a special relationship with my two friends, one that is seperate from everyone else. I feel proud that I was there for them. I feel blessed that god made me a strong person and the courage to help other people. Remember your Dad and family loves you and it's ok to be scared and have all those feelings too. You might want to tell the rest of your family about this site also.

    Take care

    Thank you for your kind words, I have had many disscussions with my Dad about dying, He has a wonderful strong faith and feels that his life has been very full,He does not want me to live in sorrow after he is gone, but embrace life with joy.He have given me the love of music , theater, art, and questioning the universe. Without his financial support I would not have my two beautiful children, which we adopted as newborns 2years apart and they are biological brothers . who we held the day they were born. The rest of my family prefers to live in denial, death is not to be talked about, or cancer...I am one of seven and feel so alone in this journey, my Dad is seeing the very same doctors I saw 20 years ago, A difficult time. I try to remember all the blessing God has given me.They are many... Thank you for your words of wisdom.
  • all4carly
    all4carly Member Posts: 7
    #4
    szug said:

    Thank you for your kind words, I have had many disscussions with my Dad about dying, He has a wonderful strong faith and feels that his life has been very full,He does not want me to live in sorrow after he is gone, but embrace life with joy.He have given me the love of music , theater, art, and questioning the universe. Without his financial support I would not have my two beautiful children, which we adopted as newborns 2years apart and they are biological brothers . who we held the day they were born. The rest of my family prefers to live in denial, death is not to be talked about, or cancer...I am one of seven and feel so alone in this journey, my Dad is seeing the very same doctors I saw 20 years ago, A difficult time. I try to remember all the blessing God has given me.They are many... Thank you for your words of wisdom.

    Everybody deals with cancer/dying in there own way. You know the reality of cancer 1st hand. Sometimes people (maybe your family) live in denial because they don't know how to act? Or they just can't deal. It's not bad it's just different. I remember when I was sick and maybe the same was for you, a lot of my friends didn't really know what to say to me anymore, or just pretend it's 'not and issue'. It sounds like you have a lot of wonderful people in your life. And your children are blessed that you can talk about with them aswell. I hope that you don't feel to alone because you have this website and me! Your family will come to terms, one by one adn I'm sure you will be there for them. You sound like an incredibly strong person. God bless you and your family

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